10 phrases manipulative people use to play the victim

Have you ever met someone who always seems to be the underdog, no matter what the situation?

They twist the story to make it look like they’re the ones being wronged.

Pretty annoying, isn’t it? It can even make you feel like the villain when you’re just trying to do your thing.

So, how do they pull this off?

They have a secret weapon: words. Certain sneaky phrases that help them shift the blame onto others.

And these phrases can be really hard to spot. You might not even realize you’re being manipulated until it’s too late.

Well, I’m about to pull back the curtain on these tactics.

Let’s dive into 10 common phrases manipulative people use to play the victim.

1. “You’re Just Misunderstanding Me”

Ever heard this one before? Manipulative people love to use this phrase. It’s their go-to move when they’re caught doing something they shouldn’t.

Instead of owning up to their actions, they’ll turn it around and make it seem like you’re the one who’s got it all wrong.

This phrase is designed to make you question your judgment. It can make you feel guilty for accusing them when they’re just ‘misunderstood’.

But here’s the truth: if someone consistently makes you feel like you’re misunderstanding them, there’s a good chance they’re trying to play the victim.

When someone tells you that you’re just misunderstanding them, take a step back and ask yourself: Is this a genuine misunderstanding? Or is someone trying to manipulate the situation?

Your gut usually knows the answer.

2. “I’m Not Perfect”

Now, this phrase sounds innocent, right? After all, nobody’s perfect.

But when manipulative people use it, they’re doing more than stating a fact. They’re using it as a shield to deflect any criticism or responsibility.

Here’s how it usually goes: they mess up or do something hurtful, you call them out on it, and then boom! They hit you with the “I’m not perfect” line.

It’s as if they’re saying, “Hey, I make mistakes. Stop being so hard on me.”

Sure, we all make mistakes. But using this phrase as an excuse not to improve or to continue with harmful behavior? That’s manipulative.

So remember, the next time someone uses the “I’m not perfect” line, ask yourself: Are they acknowledging their faults in order to grow? Or are they just trying to dodge responsibility?

3. “You Always…”

Nothing stings quite like this phrase, right? I remember a time when a friend used to start arguments with, “You always forget to call me,” or “You always make plans without me.”

It felt like I was being attacked for being consistently inconsiderate.

But no one ‘always’ or ‘never’ does something. Life isn’t absolute; we all have our good and bad days.

This phrase is a classic manipulation tactic, designed to make you feel like you’re constantly at fault.

When my friend used this phrase, they were trying to make themselves the victim and me the villain.

But when I looked at things objectively, I realized it wasn’t true.

Sure, I forgot to call sometimes or made plans without them on occasion, but it wasn’t ‘always’.

So, don’t let anyone use this absolute language to make you feel guilty.

Remember, we’re all human and we all make mistakes – but not ‘always’.

4. “Everyone Else Agrees with Me”

There’s a psychological phenomenon called ‘social proof’, and manipulative people are experts at using it. This phrase is a prime example.

By claiming that everyone else agrees with them, manipulative people try to sway your opinion or put you on the defensive.

People are more likely to conform to a group’s opinion when they believe it is unanimous, even if they initially disagreed.

So when someone drops the “everyone else agrees with me” line, it’s natural for us to question our stance.

But remember, just because ‘everyone else’ supposedly agrees doesn’t mean they’re right.

Always trust your judgment and don’t be afraid to stand your ground.

5. “I Can’t Believe You Would Do This to Me”

This phrase is specially designed to make you feel like you’ve done something terribly wrong, even when you haven’t.

Manipulative people use it to guilt-trip you into feeling bad for them, and it can really tug at your heartstrings.

But you’re not responsible for other people’s feelings. Sure, we should all strive to be kind and considerate, but we can’t control how others react or how they choose to feel.

If someone uses this phrase on you, take a moment to reflect.

Did you really do something hurtful? Or is someone trying to manipulate your feelings?

Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to set boundaries and stand up for your truth.

6. “If You Really Cared About Me…”

I’ve had someone in my life who used this phrase whenever they wanted me to do something I wasn’t comfortable with. “If you really cared about me, you’d do this for me,” they’d say.

It’s a cleverly disguised way of manipulating someone into doing what they want by questioning their feelings or intentions.

It’s designed to make you feel guilty, as if not doing what they want means you don’t care about them.

But here’s what I learned: your worth or how much you care for someone isn’t defined by what you’re willing to do for them.

Genuine care and affection don’t come with conditions or manipulative phrases.

So, if someone in your life uses this phrase on you, remind yourself that it’s okay to say no.

You can care about someone and still have your boundaries.

7. “This Is All Your Fault”

Ouch. This one’s a sucker punch to the gut. And it’s as raw and honest as manipulation gets.

People who use this phrase are straight-up blaming you for something that’s probably not your fault at all.

The goal? To make you feel guilty and throw you off balance.

It’s a dirty move, but it works unless you see it for what it is: a blatant attempt to deflect responsibility.

Don’t buy into it. Things rarely boil down to being one person’s sole fault.

Life is messy, and we all play our parts in any situation.

So if someone throws this phrase your way, remember that it takes two to tango.

8. “I Was Just Joking”

Manipulative people often use this phrase as a cover-up when they say something hurtful or offensive.

They dish out a harsh comment and then quickly follow it up with “I was just joking,” making it seem like you’re overreacting if you get upset.

People often use humor as a disguise for expressing negative feelings or criticism.

So, when someone says something hurtful and then claims they were “just joking,” it might be their way of disguising their true feelings.

Remember, it’s not a joke if it hurts. You have every right to express how you feel when someone’s “joke” makes you uncomfortable.

9. “I’m Only Doing This For Your Own Good”

I remember someone in my life who would manipulate me under the guise of having my best interests at heart. “I’m only doing this for your own good,” they’d say, even when their actions made me uncomfortable or unhappy.

This phrase is often used as a way to justify controlling or manipulative behavior.

It’s a way of saying, “I know what’s best for you better than you do,” which is rarely true.

Everyone has a right to make their own choices and mistakes.

And so, I learned to trust my own instincts and stand up for myself, even when someone claimed they were acting “for my own good”.

10. “It’s Not That Big of a Deal”

Ever had someone brush off your feelings or concerns like they’re just dust on their shoulder?

That’s what this phrase does. It’s a way for manipulative people to belittle your feelings or experiences.

The message is clear: “Your feelings don’t matter. Stop making a fuss.”

It’s a way for them to maintain control and avoid addressing the real issues at hand.

But your feelings are valid. Your experiences matter. And if something is a big deal to you, then it’s a big deal, full stop.

Never let anyone belittle your feelings or make you feel like you’re overreacting. Stand firm in your truth because you matter.