8 signs someone is actually not a good person (even if they seem nice on the surface)

As human beings, we all know that appearances can be deceiving.

Sometimes, the people who seem the nicest on the surface aren’t really that nice deep down.

It’s not about being judgmental or cynical. It’s about understanding that not everyone who smiles at you has your best interests at heart.

A genuinely good person is not just about pleasantries and sweet talks, it’s about their actions, values, and how they treat others.

So, how can you tell if someone isn’t as good as they seem? Well, there are a few telltale signs.

In this article, I’m going to share with you “8 signs someone is actually not a good person (even if they seem nice on the surface)”. This way, you can navigate your relationships more wisely.

1) They gossip excessively

We all know gossiping isn’t the best trait, but it’s something most of us do from time to time.

However, there’s a difference between sharing a bit of harmless chatter and consistently spreading rumors or negative information about others.

If someone is constantly gossiping about others, especially behind their backs, it may be a sign that they’re not as good as they appear on the surface.

Gossiping excessively shows a lack of respect for others and can create a toxic environment. It’s also an easy way to hurt people’s feelings and damage relationships.

So, if you notice that someone always seems to have the latest scoop on everyone else’s personal business and they’re a bit too eager to share it, this could be a red flag.

Remember, if they’re talking about others to you, they’re probably talking about you to others. It’s something worth keeping in mind.

2) They frequently break promises

Reliability is a fundamental quality in a good person. If someone habitually breaks promises, it’s a strong sign they might not be as nice as they seem.

I remember a friend I had in college. Let’s call her Jane. Jane was always the life of the party, always smiling and incredibly charming. But she had a habit of making plans and then canceling at the last minute.

At first, I gave her the benefit of the doubt. We all have moments when we can’t follow through on our commitments. But after the fifth, sixth, seventh time, it became clear this was a pattern.

In essence, Jane was showing that she didn’t value my time or respect our friendship enough to keep her word. It was hurtful and revealed a side of her character that was anything but nice.

If you encounter someone who consistently fails to keep their promises, no matter how small or large they might be, you might want to reconsider how much trust you put in them.

3) They lack empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a crucial trait for any good person to have.

But not everyone possesses this quality. Some people might seem nice on the surface, but they struggle to show genuine concern or understanding for others’ feelings or situations.

A sign of this could be someone who dismisses your feelings or experiences, or who doesn’t seem to grasp why you might be upset or hurt by something.

Here’s something you might not know: according to a study published in the Journal of Personality, individuals who display lower levels of empathy also tend to exhibit higher levels of narcissism and aggression.

So if you notice a lack of empathy in someone, it’s worth taking note. It might indicate they’re not as good-hearted as they initially appear.

4) They take more than they give

Relationships, whether they’re friendships or romantic ones, should be about give and take. It’s about supporting each other and being there for one another.

But have you ever known someone who seems to take more than they give?

They’re always happy to take your help, your time, or your advice. But when you need their support, they’re suddenly nowhere to be found.

This kind of one-sided relationship can be draining and it’s often a sign that the person isn’t as kind or considerate as they might seem.

A good person understands the importance of reciprocity. They know it’s important to give back as much as they receive and show appreciation for the kindness others show them.

If someone is always on the receiving end but rarely ever gives back, it might be time to reassess their place in your life.

5) They’re constantly negative

We all have down days. Moments when life gets tough and we struggle to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

But if someone is constantly negative, always seeing the worst in situations and people, it can be a sign they’re not genuinely good-hearted.

Negativity can be draining. It can pull you down and make it difficult to maintain a positive outlook.

A good person understands that life has its ups and downs, but they strive to remain positive. They lift people up instead of pulling them down.

If you find that someone is consistently spreading negativity, regardless of the situation, it might reflect more about their character than they let on.

Remember, you deserve to be surrounded by positivity and people who inspire you to be the best version of yourself. Don’t let someone else’s constant negativity dim your light.

6) They don’t respect boundaries

Everyone has boundaries. They’re the personal rules we set for ourselves to maintain our mental and emotional well-being.

Unfortunately, not everyone respects these boundaries. Some people might push your limits, make you uncomfortable, or dismiss your feelings outright.

I’ve had an experience where a co-worker would constantly make disrespectful remarks about my personal life, even after I’d asked them to stop. Despite appearing friendly and sociable, their disregard for my boundaries was a clear indication of their lack of respect.

If someone doesn’t respect your boundaries, it’s a significant red flag. It shows a lack of understanding, empathy, and respect. And it’s certainly not the behavior of a genuinely good person.

Standing up for your boundaries is crucial. If someone can’t respect them, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship with that person.

7) They’re never wrong

Have you ever met someone who’s never wrong? No matter what the situation, they always seem to twist things around so that they’re not at fault.

This inability to accept responsibility or admit when they’re wrong is a clear sign that someone might not be as good as they appear.

A truly good person can acknowledge their mistakes and learn from them. They understand that nobody’s perfect, and they’re not afraid to say, “I was wrong”.

But if someone consistently refuses to admit their faults or always blames others for their mistakes, it shows a lack of self-awareness and humility.

Such behavior can lead to conflicts, misunderstandings, and even broken relationships. So, if you notice someone always deflecting blame and never accepting responsibility, take it as a red flag.

8) They’re insincere

Sincerity is the hallmark of a truly good person. They mean what they say and say what they mean.

If someone is insincere, it can make you question their motives and trustworthiness. They might say one thing and do another, or they might compliment you one moment and then criticize you the next.

This inconsistency can leave you feeling confused and unsure about where you stand with them.

At the end of the day, sincerity matters. If someone can’t be genuine with you, it’s a sign they may not be as good a person as they seem.

Remember, real kindness is being sincere in your words and actions. Anything less is just a façade.

Final thoughts: It’s about actions, not words

When it comes to assessing a person’s character, actions truly speak louder than words.

Often, people may present themselves in a certain way to the world, but their actions might tell an entirely different story.

There’s a quote by Maya Angelou that goes, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

This wisdom holds true when identifying if someone is a genuinely good person or not. It’s not about the sweet words they speak or the charming persona they project. It’s about their actions, their consistency and how they treat others, especially when they think no one is watching.

So, as you navigate through your relationships and interactions, bear these signs in mind. They may help you to see beyond the surface and recognize the true character of those around you.

Remember, everyone deserves respect, kindness, and sincerity. Don’t settle for less.