8 things you’re doing that make people dislike you

Have you ever walked out of a social event or meeting feeling like you just didn’t connect with anyone? 

Believe it or not, most of us have been there. 

While it’s tempting to attribute the cold shoulder to external factors or even other people’s moods, sometimes the problem lies within our own actions or habits. 

Having witnessed this on myself, I compiled a list of 8 behaviors that could be causing this disconnect. If these ring true, it might be time to reassess your social habits.

1. Dominating conversations

Let’s be honest: we all love to share our stories, interests, and opinions.

It’s a part of human interaction.

But sometimes our enthusiasm can cross over into monopolizing the conversation.

Here’s how it works:

Imagine you’re in a group setting, everyone is conversing, exchanging ideas and suddenly, you realize that you’ve been doing the majority of the talking.

It’s like you’ve inadvertently turned a dialogue into a monologue.

Sounds familiar?

Well, if you often find yourself dominating conversations, it could be off-putting to others.

Of course, people enjoy feeling heard and valued in a conversation.

But when one person takes up most of the airspace, it can leave others feeling unimportant or overlooked.

Quick tip: Practice the 50/50 rule—aim to talk only half the time in any conversation. Give others the chance to speak and actively listen when they do.

2. Constant negativity

Now I know life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.

Trust me, I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs too.

It’s natural to want to share our troubles with friends or co-workers. I mean, that’s what they’re there for, right?

But there’s a line.

If you constantly churn out complaints, criticisms, or just a stream of dark cloud observations, people are likely to pull away.

Just think back on your recent conversations.

Do they often revolve around your problems, complaints, or pessimistic views about the world?

If so, you might be draining the people around you without even realizing it.

The truth is that people are naturally drawn to positivity. Yes, it’s a scientific fact, backed by numerous social psychology studies and theories.

I’m not saying you should pretend everything is perfect all the time.

But you know what?

Focusing too much on the negative can make interactions with you feel heavy and exhausting.

3. Lack of empathy

Ever tried stepping into someone else’s shoes only to realize you don’t really get it—or worse, you don’t even care?

If that’s you, we need to talk about empathy, or in this case — the lack thereof.

The thing is that empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is a cornerstone of any meaningful relationship.

And believe me, it’s a vital currency in human relationships.

We all have our struggles, and it’s easy to get so wrapped up in our own world that we forget others have their battles too.

But if you’re consistently showing a lack of empathy?

Then, you’re essentially sending a message that you don’t value other people’s experiences or emotions.

I know, it’s hard to be empathetic all the time, especially when you’re juggling your issues.

But empathy isn’t about solving other people’s problems — it’s about showing that you understand or, at the very least, that you’re trying to.

4. Being overly competitive

Did you know that a little competition can be healthy and even foster growth and innovation?

But there’s a difference between friendly rivalry and being so competitive that you turn every interaction into a contest.

If you find that you’re always trying to one-up everyone around you, it might be time to hit the pause button.

Here are some telltale signs you’re overly competitive:

• Always turning casual conversations into debates
• Feeling envious when someone else achieves something
• Constantly comparing yourself to others

I get the appeal of wanting to be the best — it’s a driver for success.

But when your competitive spirit starts to seep into every aspect of your life, it can become draining for those around you.

Why?

Because people may start to feel like they can’t share their successes or joys around them without being met with comparison or even resentment.

And let’s face it: nobody likes to feel like they’re in constant competition.

5. Not respecting boundaries

This one is more straightforward:

Crossing boundaries is a surefire way to make people uncomfortable and even resentful.

Whether it’s personal space, time, or emotional boundaries, failing to respect these limits says a lot about your consideration for others.

Think about it.

If you’re the type to dig too deep into personal matters, insist on hangouts despite clear signals of reluctance, or overstep in professional settings, you’re essentially saying:

“My needs are more important than yours.”

Not surprisingly, nobody wants to feel like their comfort and autonomy are being disregarded, right?

Sometimes, it’s a matter of not being aware, and that’s okay.

But now that you are aware, it’s time to make some changes.

6. Being dishonest

Sometimes we lie because we think it’s going to make us more likable.

Sounds counter-intuitive, right?

But again, who hasn’t stretched the truth a bit to impress someone or avoid conflict?

Here’s the deal:

Honesty is the foundation of trust in any relationship. When we’re dishonest, even in small ways, we chip away at that trust.

The irony?

Most people value honesty even when the truth is uncomfortable.

Think about your own experiences.

Wouldn’t you rather know where you stand with someone, even if the truth is a little bitter?

You know the answer —dishonesty may provide a short-term gain, but it usually leads to long-term relational pain.

7. Not keeping commitments

We all forget or cancel plans occasionally.

Life happens.

But when it becomes a pattern, it can signal to others that you don’t respect their time or value the relationship.

Consistently flaking out on commitments, whether it’s as simple as a coffee catch-up or as significant as a work deadline, speaks volumes about your reliability—or lack thereof.

I know, it’s tempting to say “yes” to everything, partly because you don’t want to disappoint people.

But overcommitting and under-delivering is a quick way to erode people’s trust and confidence in you.

It’s like you’re unintentionally saying, “You’re not that important to me.”

So what’s the solution?

One simple thing: It’s better to under-promise and over-deliver than to over-promise and under-deliver.

That’s because actions speak louder than words.  And in the long run, reliability is one of the most attractive qualities a person can have.

Quick tip: Before committing to anything, take a moment to realistically assess whether you can follow through. It’s better to decline upfront than to break a commitment later.

8. Always being critical

And finally, ready to face some tough truth? Here it is:

Being overly critical doesn’t make you look smart or insightful—it just drives people away.

Sure, constructive criticism is valuable. But there’s a line between offering helpful feedback and constantly nitpicking at everyone and everything.

Let’s admit it:

Criticism, especially when it becomes your go-to interaction, creates an emotional toll that many people won’t want to pay.

The result?

They’ll start to avoid you, depriving you of meaningful relationships and turning social situations into a battleground.

So the next time you’re tempted to criticize, consider the impact it’ll have, not just on others, but on how people perceive you.

Because if you’re always critical, you’re not insightful — you’re just hard to like, that’s for sure.

Quick tip: Not everything requires your critique. Before critiquing, ask yourself, “Is it necessary? Is it helpful? Is it kind?”

Final thoughts

Now you’re aware of those 8 behaviors that always push people away without you even realizing it.

The good news?

You’re already on your way by taking the time to read this article.

Here’s your action plan to become more likable and maintain stronger relationships:

• Practice active listening to show you care
• Cultivate a positive mindset
• Show genuine interest in others’ feelings
• Celebrate other people’s successes
• Ask for permission, not forgiveness
• Value transparency over convenience
• Choose your words carefully