9 phrases angry people use to gain control in a conversation

We’ve all been there—caught in a conversation that spirals into a heated argument.

Sometimes, it’s evident that the other person is becoming increasingly aggressive, trying to take the upper hand.

In this article, we’ll pinpoint nine phrases often used by angry people to control a conversation.

Let’s get started.

1. “You always…” or “You never…”

Few phrases can put someone on the defensive faster than those that begin with “You always” or “You never.”

These absolutes paint actions with a broad brush, often inaccurately representing the true nature of a situation.

When someone uses these phrases, they might be attempting to anchor the conversation to specific points, making it difficult for the other party to navigate the discussion without first addressing these sweeping generalizations.

Instead of fostering a productive dialogue, these phrases can derail it, giving the speaker a perceived upper hand.

2. “If you really cared about me, you would…”

This one hits close to home. I’ve been in conversations where this phrase emerges, and it feels like a gut punch.

By implying a lack of care or love based on specific actions or decisions, it manipulates emotions to gain leverage.

When someone says to me, “If you really cared about me, you would…”, it’s as if they’re holding our relationship hostage to get their way.

Just because I may disagree or choose a different path doesn’t diminish my affection or commitment to the person.

Recognizing this phrase for what it is—a tactic to gain control—can help you maintain perspective and respond with both empathy and assertiveness.

3. “Everyone thinks that…”

It’s a bit counter-intuitive, but when someone says, “Everyone thinks that…,” they might not be speaking for the “everyone” they claim to represent.

I’ve found that in many situations, this phrase isn’t a consensus report but rather an amplification tactic. By presenting their opinion as a widely accepted truth, they aim to make their viewpoint seem more valid or powerful.

But here’s the twist: when I’ve taken the time to delve deeper or ask for specifics, more often than not, “everyone” boils down to a few people—or sometimes just the speaker themselves.

So, the next time someone claims that “everyone” shares their view, take a step back and question the breadth of that statement.

It might just be a bluff.

4. “I’m just being honest.”

This phrase can be a double-edged sword.

On one hand, honesty is a cornerstone of genuine and meaningful conversations.

But when the preface “I’m just being honest” is used to justify hurtful or negative comments, it’s no longer about genuine transparency.

Instead, it can serve as a shield against criticism or as a means to assert dominance by making the other party feel smaller or invalid.

True honesty is about sharing feelings and perspectives without undermining or hurting the other person.

So, when someone uses this phrase as a guise for negativity, it’s important to differentiate between genuine honesty and a tactic to gain control.

5. “Fine, do whatever you want.”

Ah, this one brings back memories. I recall a friend using this during a disagreement about weekend plans.

On the surface, it seemed like they were giving me the freedom to choose. However, the tone and context hinted at a deeper, unsaid meaning: “Go ahead, but you’ll regret not taking my advice.”

Such passive-aggressive remarks can make you second-guess your choices, often leading you to yield to the other person’s preferences just to keep the peace.

It’s a subtle way of gaining control.

6. “You’re too emotional/sensitive.”

Here’s something counter-intuitive: being called “too emotional” or “too sensitive” might actually be a testament to your strength.

When emotions bubble up during conversations, it often means you’re deeply connected to the topic or value the relationship.

Ironically, when someone tries to downplay your feelings with such phrases, they might be trying to deflect from the core issue or steer away from addressing their own emotions.

Instead of seeing these comments as weaknesses, consider them an indication of your ability to feel deeply and connect genuinely.

Emotions are a natural part of communication. By embracing them and understanding their roots, you can flip the narrative and regain control of the conversation.

7. “I don’t want to talk about it now.”

This phrase can be a conversation stopper.

When someone uses it, they’re pressing pause. While sometimes genuine, it can also be a tactic to avoid the topic.

Keep an ear out for its frequency and context to gauge its real intent.

8. “You just don’t get it.”

This phrase can be a conversation barrier. It positions the speaker as the one with understanding, while the listener is left out in the cold.

Rather than fostering communication, it shuts it down, implying a gap that can’t be bridged.

Be wary of this phrase; instead of accepting it at face value, seek clarity and ask for further explanation. There’s always a chance to understand if both parties are willing.

9. “Whatever.”

“Whatever” might seem like a simple, dismissive word, but it can be loaded with implications.

Imagine discussing a weekend plan:

• Person A: “I think we should visit the museum; it’s the last weekend for that special exhibit.”
• Person B: “Whatever.”

Or during a more serious talk:

• Person A: “I feel hurt when you don’t communicate with me about important decisions.”
• Person B: “Whatever.”

In both examples, “whatever” diminishes the importance of the topic and the feelings of the other person involved. It’s a way to end a conversation without genuine resolution.

When faced with this response, it might be helpful to ask the person to elaborate on what they’re really feeling.

Summing up

Conversations can be a maze of words and intentions.

By spotting these 9 control-seeking phrases, you’re better equipped to navigate discussions with clarity and confidence.