7 surprising strengths that come from being vulnerable

Let me tell you something I never expected to learn in my sixties: vulnerability, that shaky, exposed feeling most of us try to avoid, is actually one of the strongest tools we have.

I spent decades believing that strength meant holding it together, never crying in front of others, and always being “fine” no matter what.

But over time, I began to realize that my most meaningful moments—as a father, a partner, and now a grandfather—weren’t when I had it all figured out. They were when I allowed myself to be seen, flaws and all.

If you’ve ever thought vulnerability is a sign of weakness, you’re not alone. But as Brené Brown wisely said, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity”. And from where I stand today, she couldn’t be more right.

So let’s unpack some of the hidden strengths that come from leaning into our softer, more open sides.

1. You stop pretending to be perfect

No one likes a know-it-all, and yet so many of us spend years trying to live up to some impossible standard. I sure did. Whether it was trying to be the perfect employee, or the always-smiling dad, it got exhausting.

The older I get, the more I see how freeing it is to say, “I don’t know,” or “I’m struggling.” People connect more deeply when we stop putting on a show.

Vulnerability helps us ditch the performance and be real. And in being real, we find relationships that are stronger, kinder, and far less exhausting to maintain.

Dr. Susan David, who has done fantastic work on emotional agility, puts it well: “Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life”. Pretending to be perfect may be comfortable, but it keeps us from the life we really want.

2. You give others permission to open up

A few months ago, I had a tearful conversation with a friend who had just lost his wife. What surprised me was that he started opening up only after I shared how scared I was after my own health scare the year before.

It wasn’t advice or wisdom he needed. It was connection. And vulnerability makes that possible. When we open the door, others often walk through.

As Dr. Sue Johnson has said, “Emotional safety is key: partners need to feel they can be vulnerable without being judged or ridiculed”.

That applies far beyond romantic relationships. Vulnerability helps build safe, authentic connections—the kind that last.

3. You grow emotionally resilient

Here’s the paradox: the more you embrace your own emotional mess, the stronger you become.

I’ve found that when I actually let myself feel my fear, sadness, or uncertainty—rather than stuffing it down—those emotions pass more quickly. And each time I do that, I feel a little sturdier.

In fact, I recently revisited Laughing in the Face of Chaos by Rudá Iandê, a book I’ve mentioned before. His insights reminded me of something powerful:

“Our emotions are not barriers, but profound gateways to the soul—portals to the vast, uncharted landscapes of our inner being.”

Letting ourselves feel isn’t just therapeutic—it’s transformative.

The book inspired me to stop resisting parts of myself I once thought were weaknesses. Instead of asking “How do I get rid of this feeling?” I’ve started asking, “What is it trying to teach me?”

4. You become a better listener

Once you stop trying to appear invulnerable, something interesting happens: you become more present with others.

When you’re not focused on maintaining your own image, you can actually hear people. Not just their words, but their fears, their hopes, their truth.

I’ve noticed that when I listen from a place of shared humanity rather than “fix-it mode,” my conversations go deeper. I understand more. I judge less. And people trust me more because of it.

5. You learn to trust yourself

I won’t pretend to have it all figured out, but one thing I’ve noticed is that vulnerability teaches self-trust in a surprising way.

When you allow yourself to admit what you want, what you fear, or what you care about—you get clearer on who you really are. You stop outsourcing your decisions to others. You listen to your own gut, your own body, your own truth.

This idea echoes one of the central lessons from Rudá Iandê’s book:

“The body is not something to be feared or denied, but rather a sacred tool for spiritual growth and transformation.”

Our emotions and physical reactions can guide us, if we have the courage to listen.

6. You reduce shame

Shame thrives in silence. And nothing breaks shame faster than the light of honest conversation.

I remember years ago confiding in a friend about something I felt deeply ashamed of. I expected him to recoil or judge. Instead, he said, “Yeah, I’ve been there too.” That one moment changed the way I saw myself.

When you’re vulnerable, you discover you’re not alone in your struggles. And that helps deflate shame’s power.

7. You feel more alive

This one’s hard to put into words, but I’ll try. Vulnerability makes life richer.

Yes, it can be scary. But it also means you’re fully in the experience—feeling deeply, loving completely, risking rejection, and pursuing things that matter.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized I don’t want a life of just “pleasant” or “comfortable.” I want meaning. And meaning doesn’t come from perfection or control—it comes from connection, growth, and truth. All of which require us to open up and let ourselves be seen.

Vulnerability reminds us that we’re not robots moving through life—we’re human beings, wired to feel. And when we embrace that, we don’t just exist—we live.

Final thoughts

If there’s one thing I hope you take from this, it’s this:

Being vulnerable doesn’t make you weak. It makes you real.

And in a world that often rewards masks and performances, choosing to be real is one of the boldest things you can do.

So here’s a question to end on: where might your life feel richer if you stopped hiding and let yourself be seen?

Whatever the answer, that’s where your strength is waiting.