15 clever phrases to turn the tables on a manipulator

Manipulative people prey on your kindness, insecurities and needs. 

They identify something you want, need or care about and then twist you around to get what they want. 

Whether they want your attention, money, physical affection or anything else, they can be very convincing…

Those of us who’ve faced very manipulative people in our professional and personal lives know exactly how frustrating it can be to get dragged into this.

You try to think of something to say quickly to their charm, pressure and words but just come out with “uhh,” or “err” while you think of what to say…

That’s why I’ve come up with these 15 clever phrases to turn the tables on manipulative people. 

1) “You’re right about X … but it doesn’t mean Y.”

The manipulator is used to resistance and having to persuade people right off the bat. 

Offer them a taste of the opposite to throw them off. 

This is a tactic known as fogging. 

This is where you start off by agreeing with a true part of what somebody is saying instead of starting with disagreement or dismissal. 

This throws the manipulator off and they may think they have you in the bag, which is when you explain that even though X is true, it doesn’t mean you have to do Y.

2) I’m not going to fight with you or get upset at you”

Along the same lines as the first phrase, this refuses to give the manipulator pushback they can feed off. 

If it’s a manipulative sales agent you preempt any pressure they put on you by just saying you’re not going to argue with them. 

If it’s a romantic partner going over all your defects you just say you won’t argue or get drawn into it. 

This is exactly the kind of shrug that can throw a manipulator off his or her game and deny them the conflict and confusion they feed off. 

3) “I need a moment to think about what you said”

This is basically a stalling tactic. 

The manipulator will often grant you your wish because he or she takes this as a signal to tap the brakes. 

It means whatever they want has a chance of working (at least in their mind). 

It means that they’ve successfully planted a seed in your mind and now’s the time to give you a bit of time and let it grow on its own. 

4) “I see what you’re trying to do and it won’t work”

The manipulator may use carrots (incentives) or sticks (threats). 

But they rely on you being confused or taken in by their charm or pressure. 

When you let them know that you see through all of it, it throws the manipulator for a loop. 

They have to step back and think of a new strategy. 

5) “What is your real reason for asking me this?”

This is a more direct way to confront the manipulator. 

Try to ask it in a neutral tone and not inject a lot of emotion into it. 

As I mentioned, manipulative people feed off conflict and anger, but if you simply ask what they’re trying to do they tend to be thrown off. 

They will immediately realize you aren’t as innocent as you may seem and you see through their game. 

6) “If you really respected me as you say, you wouldn’t be talking to me in this way”

This calls out the manipulator and lets them know that their tone isn’t acceptable. 

If somebody is flattering you to talk you into something or claiming that they think highly of you, this points out the gap between actions and words. 

This will usually make the manipulator slow down and rethink their approach to you, or sometimes it will make them more angry at which point you can more fully end the interaction. 

7) “That’s a completely different subject and you know it”

Manipulators love to use strawman arguments, red herrings and to gaslight. 

You should call them out. 

Let the manipulator know that you see what they’re doing with trying to pull up a tangent and get you lost in it. 

Let them know it won’t work and you won’t engage in it. 

8) “I don’t need your approval to live my life” 

Manipulators in your personal life will often act like they get to tell you what to feel and when to feel it. 

This is when it’s time to jam on the brakes. 

Don’t fall for them dangling positive incentives in front of you just to twist your emotions and later manipulate you more. 

As Isaiah Hankel, Ph. D. writes:

“They’ll dangle some small reward in front of you and make you chase it continuously—every time you get close to it, they’ll pull it away.”

9) “You’re definitely charming! I appreciate the flattery. But it’s not going to happen”

This is a nice way to tell somebody who’s flattering you or hitting on you that it’s not going to happen. 

It’s a nice way to reject somebody where you appreciate them and let them know you do find them charming.

Don’t feel the need to go into a lot deeper detail here or giving a lot of satisfaction to the person. 

Saying you’re just not interested is sufficient. 

This also works in situations where you’re being pressured into a sale, contract or business situation that’s not agreeable to you. 

Now we get into the more confrontational ways to tell a manipulator off: 

10) “Don’t tell me what I should feel”

When manipulators get ticked off or face resistance from you they may resort to gaslighting. 

They will tell you what you should feel, do feel or will feel.

“Yes, I know it sounds crazy now, but soon you’ll see that…”

Or;

“You might think you feel that but it’s just nerves!”

This is where you tell them to give you a break and not tell you what you feel or how you should feel. 

That’s your business and you’re the only one who really knows. 

11) “I don’t want to continue this conversation right now”

This is you pushing the stop button. 

However, by adding “right now” you give the manipulator that little bit of bait that will hopefully get them to de-escalate. 

They can tell that you’re done talking, at least for now. 

They are likely to walk away in hopes that you feel differently in the future and reconsider what they’re saying to you (which you won’t). 

12) “I’m not doing this with you, I have more important things to do”

This is a clear rejection of the manipulator. 

But again it should be delivered fairly unemotionally as more of a statement of fact. 

This phrase can be highly effective, but you have to back it up with action and actually walk away, hang up or stop listening to them. 

Saying you have more important things to do only works if you have (or find) more important things to do. 

The manipulator will usually back off if you refuse to engage and show that they are not your priority and that you’re largely indifferent to them. 

13) “Listen to what you’re actually saying right now. It comes across as pushy and manipulative to me” 

This is an effective phrase because you’re giving your opinion of how you perceive this person’s words or actions. 

If they aren’t trying to be manipulative, they can adjust how they’re approaching or talking to you. 

If they are trying to be manipulative this will throw them off, as it shows that you recognize the behavior that’s going on and you won’t stand for it. 

14) “What you’re asking for is unfair and I won’t do it”

This is a prelude to completely walking away from the manipulator:

Hanging up on them, saying bye or saying no repeatedly (see final phrase below).

You let them know that you don’t want to do what they want or that you don’t agree to it.

You make it crystal clear. 

15) My answer is no, and it’s not going to change” 

When it comes down to it, a firm no can be the best answer of all to a manipulator. 

If you need to repeat it a few times don’t worry. 

“No.”

*Manipulator talks more*

“No.”

Repeat as necessary. 

This is the final direct no that is sometimes necessary when dealing with a manipulative person. 

However, keep in mind:

This “no” means something if you actually stick to it and distance yourself from the manipulator.