7 clever ways to gain leverage over a master manipulator

Have you ever felt like a bit of a sucker because someone has played games with your mind? I have and I hated that feeling.

Unfortunately, quite a few people in this world enjoy getting what they want by using different manipulation tactics. 

Luckily there are some ways that we can gain leverage over these master manipulators so we can be suckers no more! Read on to find out about 7 of them and become free.

1) Learn about manipulation techniques

Have you ever wondered how they do it? To be able to win a fight with a manipulator, you need to know what tricks they are playing. 

There are many different kinds of manipulative techniques used, so start to do some research. Try and figure out what this person is doing so that you can counter it and beat them at their own game.

Some tactics could be things such as: gaslighting, guilt-tripping, or emotional blackmail.

A few years ago, a friend of mine had a boyfriend who used to say things that made her wonder if she was going crazy. He’d tell her she’d said or done something and she was sure that she hadn’t. But she always questioned herself, “Maybe I did say that?’

As it turned out, he was making it up. She started reading about gaslighting and suddenly realized that this was what he was doing to keep her under his control.

Once she understood the manipulation technique her boyfriend was using, she was able to use it against him by having evidence. Texting instead of saying important things on the phone, for example, so that he couldn’t fool her anymore.

2) Maintain boundaries and set consequences

Get a good handle on the techniques this person is using on you. Then establish firm boundaries and set consequences if they cross the line.

Begin by thinking of the boundaries you want to set. 

Once you’ve done that, you need to put them into place. At first, this will be hard because people who are in control don’t like that taken away from them. This is where the consequences come in.

Setting consequences adds another layer of strength to your boundaries.

It’s like having a backup plan in place if someone tries to push the limits. For example, if a manipulator crosses a boundary, you might limit your interaction with them, take a break from the conversation, or from spending time with them.

There is an excellent workbook available, called “When to say yes, how to say no, to take control of your life”. This book explains what boundaries look like. It helps you create them, using a step-by-step guide, and posing some good questions to help you take back control from the manipulator in your life.

3) Practice assertiveness 

I know, you’re probably thinking, yeah but this isn’t easy with a master manipulator. And you would be right. However, just because it’s not easy, it doesn’t mean that you can’t do it.

Once you’ve learned about manipulative techniques and set your boundaries, you are ready to be assertive.

Assertiveness goes hand in hand with boundaries and consequences because to ensure that the controlling person respects your wishes, you need to be firm with them.

Most likely you’ve never been firm with this person in the past, so it might come with a bit of surprise when you first try. This is where you need to be consistent. Soon they will realize that you mean business and will start to leave you alone.

Don’t give in, don’t give up, and don’t give them any chance to twist things. No means no.

4) Document interactions

Have you ever said something to someone and they’ve twisted your words? Or perhaps they’ve pretended that you said something that you didn’t. 

These are the lengths that a manipulative person will go to to make you unsure of yourself and ultimately become their puppet.

A great way to get the upper hand is by documenting interactions. Just like my friend did with her gaslighting boyfriend. Try and get as much information in writing as possible. 

Instead of talking on the phone, text. Maybe it’s someone from work. Confirm things in an email that you can pull up later on as evidence. Record conversations or have a reliable witness with you.

This will help you to keep track of all interactions and conversations and hopefully bring the manipulator to a standstill.

5) Stay calm and rational

Can you think of a time when someone who has been trying to manipulate you has wound you up and you’ve got upset or reacted emotionally? 

Manipulative people are always looking for your weaknesses. They then proceed to use them against you. They want a scene. They want a reaction. 

You need to turn the tide on them. When you stay calm, and respond rationally they won’t know what to do next. You’re beating them at their own game. 

If you react emotionally, the discussion can easily turn into a heated argument. However, when you stay calm, there is no reason for the other person to fire up and they will likely leave you alone.

Staying calm in the face of someone frustrating like this can be hard. So here are some tips;

• Focus on your breathing
• Know your triggers
• Try to keep a positive attitude
• Stick to the facts
• Speak slowly
• Drink water

And if all else fails, you can simply walk away.

6) Trust your instincts

How many times have you had that gut feeling not to do something, but you did it anyway and immediately regretted it?

In the past, I would dismiss that feeling a lot. But, I have learned to listen to it, and I’m sure that feeling has saved me many times.

If you feel like someone is doing something to get their own way, they most likely are. 

These gut feelings or instincts are your brain’s way of processing a whole lot of information very quickly. It might seem a bit weird or magical, but there is scientific research that explains that these feelings act like a warning system when something isn’t right. 

The study goes on to say that intuition can be trained and developed. One way to do this is by doing mindfulness meditation. “This involves focusing on the present moment and becoming more aware of your thoughts and feelings.”

So build up your intuition and it will help to steer you in a positive direction, away from those trying to cause you harm.

7) Seek professional help

Perhaps you’ve found it hard to work through the previous 6 points in real life. Perhaps you’re too far gone with the said manipulator. They may even be a partner or a member of your family that you live with. 

As much as we might not want to, sometimes we need to reach out for professional help. These people are trained to guide us and have heard it all. They can give advice based on your specific case and work with you when you find things difficult.

When we seek advice from a professional we can develop more tools for our toolbelt. They can help us deal with this person, but also anyone else that comes into our lives who might try to manipulate us.

I like to see it as the difference between a little cut that you put a bandaid on, or one needing stitches. You’re not going to stitch up you’re own wound, you’re going to get someone who knows what they’re doing to do it. 

It’s the same with our mental health. Some things we can deal with ourselves and some things are best given over to a person who’s trained in that area.

I’ve learned some of the best ways to deal with problems in my life from a therapist. It might have cost money at the time, but what I got out of the sessions was invaluable, and I wouldn’t trade that knowledge for the world.