9 cunning games narcissists use to trap their victims

Narcissists have an innate need to be in control. 

They’ll scheme, deceive and do anything they can to influence the way you think, behave and speak.

Most of the time, they do this so well that you remain unaware of their actions until either someone tells you about it, or you start to feel manipulated. 

So without further ado, here are 9 strategies narcissists use to control their victims.

1) Gaslighting

This is a classic one especially because it’s so effective. 

Most victims don’t realize what’s happening until it’s too late – when they start acknowledging that the deterioration of their mental health is actually due to that narcissistic friend or partner.

Narcissists are excellent at altering the narrative to suit them. 

If they’re clearly in the wrong, they’ll make sure they do all they can to make you doubt your version of the story. 

They’ll deny and fabricate stories so convincingly that you’ll wonder if what actually happened was all in your head.

By doing this, narcissists are able to control what is said about them and take advantage of this to continue hurting others, because they know they’ll get away with it.

2) Love bombing

This is another tactic narcissists love to use. Often, this comes after you’ve confronted them about something they did to hurt you and they realize that there’s a chance they’ll lose you.

They’ll try everything to get you back. Maybe they’ll buy you all that you wished for, shower you with attention and give you what you’ve always wanted.

But beware of this uncharacteristically loving persona. 

It may seem that they’re trying to change for the better, when in reality, their usual patterns will surface once they get you back. 

Then, the toxic cycle starts again. 

3) Guilt tripping

Narcissists love using guilt to control their victims’ behavior. 

They make their victims think they’re responsible for whatever negative situation transpires during the friendship or relationship. 

Even when the victim is not at fault, the narcissist will twist the situation so that it paints a better picture of themselves. They’ll exaggerate and lie, all to make their victims feel bad about themselves.

This is all part of their ploy to gain even more control over their victims.

4) Giving the silent treatment

The silent treatment is an effective tactic narcissists use to get their victims to do whatever they want.

They may even go all out to ignore them. The sudden absence of affection and attention will cause the other person to feel confused, and after some time, insecure.

Eventually, they’ll start blaming themselves for this abrupt shift in behavior. 

By weaponizing silence, narcissists are able to manipulate the other person into giving in to them.

5) Playing the victim

By playing the victim, narcissists are able to get people on their side – to sympathize and pity them. This can work out really well for them when they’re confronted by their victims.

To ensure that they don’t get blamed for their wrongdoings, narcissists will make sure they shift the blame to anyone but themselves and make others feel sorry for them.

And they do this so well that oftentimes, even their victims may be successfully gaslighted into thinking that they’re the ones to blame.

6) They spread rumors

If they’re unable to manipulate their victim directly, narcissists will manipulate the environment or situation so that it works against their victims.

For example, I knew two friends in a former friend group, who didn’t have the healthiest relationship. Let’s call them Girl A and Girl B. Both had an argument and Girl B was really pissed. 

She decided to spread a ‘harmless’ rumor about Girl A, which, as all rumors do, snowballed into something so big it damaged her reputation. She eventually left the community and never recovered from that incident.

The only thing narcissists care about is their ego. They’ll stop at nothing to ensure that their image is not tarnished, some to the point of ruining the lives of others just for their gain.

7) Intimidation

By using fear, narcissists ensure that they’re always in control. 

This could come in the form of physical or emotional aggression. I’ve heard friends whose partners would raise their voices, throw furniture around, and even hit them.

They’d have to endure all these until they gave in to whatever their partner wanted. I’d see them so jumpy around their partner as if they had to guess what reaction their narcissist of a partner would have after saying something.

And this can severely impact one’s mental health. Weeks and months of this can cause a lot of stress and anxiety, as well as physical harm.

8) False promises

By promising you the world, narcissists use hope to ensure that you stay with them. 

They’ll promise you that they’ll get you this present, or that they will put in the effort to change for the better and be the person you want them to become.

But these promises never come to pass.

Does this sound familiar? Because if it does, it’s likely that your partner or whoever you’re with is emotionally manipulating you.

And usually, it happens after you threaten to leave or bring up something that they did to hurt you. 

It can get very disheartening with every disappointing cycle.

Nothing changes, and you’re mentally worse off than before.

9) Constant criticism

This would be the most direct way of keeping you under their control – where they’ll repeatedly criticize everything about you until your self-worth erodes away and your self-identity becomes tied to whatever they say.

By suppressing your wins and belittling your achievements, you’ll start feeling smaller and smaller. The abilities and talent you were once proud of suddenly become insignificant.

Your confidence takes a hit and eventually, you may end up only feeling good if they praise you.

Concluding thoughts

Narcissists are all about self-preservation, with little to no consideration given to the impact their actions have on the people around them.

If you recognize the signs mentioned above in your relationship, it’s important to address them quickly. Try to communicate openly with your partner or the person in question while seeking support and guidance from people you trust.

They’ll be able to shed some light on your situation and help you move forward. You don’t have to go at it alone.