People who grew up with an absence of validation often display these 8 behaviors as adults

There’s a profound impact of growing up without validation. It molds our behavior in ways we often don’t realize.

When kids don’t get the validation they need, they may carry certain patterns into adulthood. What are these patterns, you ask?

Well, they are behavioral traits, often subtle and subconscious. Traits that reflect their unmet childhood needs for validation.

In this article, we’ll dive into 8 such behaviors that adults who lacked validation as children often display. And remember, understanding is the first step towards change. Let’s get started.

1) Overcompensating for validation

One of the most common behavioral traits seen in adults who lacked validation during their childhood is overcompensation.

What does this mean?

Well, when you’ve grown up starved of validation, you may develop a tendency to go overboard in seeking it as an adult. This could manifest in numerous ways – perhaps you find yourself constantly seeking approval, or you may have an insatiable need for praise and recognition.

This overcompensation isn’t about vanity or ego. It’s a subconscious way of filling the validation void left from childhood. It’s a survival instinct, a coping mechanism.

So if you notice someone constantly seeking validation, remember – it might just be a sign of an unmet need from their past. Understanding this can help us be more empathetic and patient with them.

2) Difficulty in accepting compliments

This one hits quite close to home for me. Growing up, validation was scarce and I often felt unsure about my accomplishments, even when they were quite significant.

As an adult, this has translated into a difficulty in accepting compliments. When someone praises me or acknowledges my work, my immediate response is to downplay it or brush it off. It’s as if I’m conditioned to believe that I don’t deserve the praise or that there must be some kind of mistake.

I’ve noticed this trait in others who also didn’t receive much validation during their formative years. It’s a defense mechanism, a way of protecting ourselves from the potential hurt of being invalidated later.

It’s important to understand that this behavior isn’t about rejecting kindness or being ungrateful. It’s a reflection of our internal belief system which we developed as children in the absence of validation. Learning to accept compliments graciously is a part of our journey towards healing and self-validation.

3) Struggling with self-confidence

The absence of validation often leads to a struggle with self-confidence. When we aren’t validated as children, we find it hard to believe in our own capabilities and strengths.

Did you know that the human brain is a pattern-recognition machine? It’s true. We learn and make sense of the world through patterns. So when validation is consistently missing during our early years, our brain starts to create a pattern of doubt and uncertainty about our own worth.

This can translate into low self-confidence in adulthood. We may hesitate in making decisions, doubt our abilities, or constantly feel like we’re not good enough.

Remember, struggling with self-confidence isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a reflection of patterns learned in childhood. The good news is, we have the ability to change these patterns and build a healthier self-perception.

4) Overly pleasing others

Chronic people-pleasing is a common trait in adults who grew up without enough validation. They may feel a constant need to make others happy, often at the expense of their own wants and needs.

Why does this happen?

Well, as children, they likely felt that in order to gain some form of validation, they needed to meet others’ needs or expectations first. This pattern carries into adulthood, leading to a constant desire to please others in order to feel validated or worthy.

While it’s good to be considerate and kind, it becomes problematic when it’s driven by a deep-seated fear of rejection or disapproval. It’s important to recognize this behavior and learn to balance our own needs with those of others.

5) Fear of rejection

Peel back the layers of many adults who grew up without validation, and you’ll often find a heart that beats with a fear of rejection.

This fear isn’t about being overly sensitive or weak. It’s about a deep-seated belief that they aren’t good enough, a belief that was cemented during their formative years when validation was lacking.

As adults, this fear can manifest in various ways – from avoiding situations where rejection is possible, to sabotaging potential success to avoid the possibility of later failure or rejection.

If you or someone you know grapples with this fear, remember it’s not a character flaw. It’s a wound from the past. Healing begins with understanding and compassion, towards ourselves and others.

6) Perfectionism

Perfectionism is something I’ve struggled with for much of my life. Every task, every endeavor had to be completed flawlessly. A single mistake would gnaw at me, overshadowing all the things I did right.

What I didn’t realize then was that this need for perfection was rooted in my childhood lack of validation. I subconsciously believed that if I were perfect, then I would finally be worthy of validation, of love.

Many adults who grew up without validation wrestle with perfectionism. It’s an exhausting, never-ending chase for an elusive ideal. It’s important to understand that perfectionism isn’t about high standards but a quest for external validation that we didn’t receive as children.

Learning to embrace our imperfections and mistakes as part of our growth is crucial in breaking free from the chains of perfectionism.

7) Difficulty expressing emotions

In households where validation is scarce, children often grow up learning to suppress their emotions. They may get the message that their feelings are not valid or important, leading them to hide or dismiss their emotions.

As adults, this can translate into difficulty in expressing feelings. They might struggle to articulate what they’re feeling or avoid emotional conversations altogether.

Understanding that this behavior is a result of early conditioning can help in addressing it. It’s never too late to learn to validate our own emotions and express them in a healthy way.

8) Chronic self-doubt

At the heart of many adults who lacked validation in childhood is a persistent sense of self-doubt. This isn’t just about doubting abilities or decisions. It’s a deeper, gnawing doubt about their worth and value.

This self-doubt can be paralyzing, affecting every aspect of their life – from relationships to careers.

But here’s what you need to know – this self-doubt is not a reflection of reality. It’s a remnant from a past that lacked validation. And with understanding, patience, and self-compassion, it can be overcome.

Ultimately, it’s about understanding

The complex world of human behavior is often a reflection of our past experiences. Our childhood experiences, particularly the presence or absence of validation, play a significant role in shaping our adult behavior.

It’s important to remember that these behaviors aren’t character flaws, but coping mechanisms developed in response to a lack of validation. They are survival strategies that helped us navigate our childhood environment.

For those who recognize these behaviors in themselves, know this – awareness is the first step to change. And for those who see these behaviors in others, let’s approach with understanding and empathy.

As psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “What is most personal is most universal.” Our struggles and behaviors might be deeply personal, but they also connect us to each other in profound ways.

So let’s strive to understand, not just others, but also ourselves. Because understanding is the bridge to compassion, healing, and ultimately, transformation.