10 phrases a narcissist casually uses to make you feel like less of a person

There’s a fine line between healthy self-esteem and narcissism. A true narcissist knows exactly how to subtly belittle those around them.

The difference lies in intention. A narcissist will use phrases designed to undermine your self-worth, all while maintaining their own inflated ego.

Casually dropping these phrases into conversation, they’ll make you feel less, without it seeming outright abusive.

Understanding their language is the first step in protecting yourself. And trust me, there are certain phrases that narcissists commonly use to achieve this.

Here are some phrases to watch out for, designed to help you identify when a narcissist is subtly trying to bring you down.

1) You’re too sensitive

When you’re dealing with a narcissist, one tactic they often use is to shift the blame onto you.

And a favorite phrase of theirs to accomplish this is “You’re too sensitive.”

The beauty of this phrase, in the narcissist’s perspective, is its subtlety. It’s not outright abusive, but it undermines your feelings and reactions.

It invalidates your emotions and turns the focus back on them. So, instead of addressing the issue at hand, you’re left questioning your own responses.

But remember, it’s not about you being overly sensitive. It’s about them avoiding responsibility for their actions.

Keep an eye out for this phrase. Recognizing it for what it is can help you maintain your self-esteem in the face of narcissistic manipulation.

2) I was just joking

A narcissist has a knack for throwing offhand comments that are cutting, harsh or even downright mean. But when you react, they often retreat behind “I was just joking.”

Let me share a personal example. I once had a boss who loved to make “jokes” about my work. He’d say things like, “Are you sure you’re not color blind? Your design choices suggest so.”

When I showed that I was hurt by his comments, he would quickly retort with “I was just joking. Can’t you take a joke?”

It was a way for him to belittle me and my work while avoiding any blame himself.

The truth is, there’s a difference between humor and hurtful comments. If someone’s “jokes” consistently make you feel small, they’re not just joking, they’re being manipulative.

3) I never said that

Narcissists are masters of manipulation, and one of their favorite tricks is gaslighting. They’ll make you question your own memory, perception, or even sanity.

The phrase “I never said that” is a classic example of gaslighting. They’ll deny saying something hurtful or untrue, even if you clearly remember it.

Here’s something to consider: In a study published in the Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, gaslighting was identified as one of the most common forms of psychological abuse.

Gaslighting can be extremely damaging to your mental health and sense of reality. If you hear “I never said that” being used frequently, you might be dealing with a narcissist.

4) That never happened

Similar to “I never said that”, “That never happened” is another form of gaslighting. The narcissist will deny an event or a behavior that hurt you, making you question your own memory.

It’s a manipulative tactic designed to make you doubt your own recollection and perception of events. The aim is to make you feel unstable and less confident in your own experiences.

This phrase is particularly damaging because it can cause you to question your own ability to perceive reality accurately. It’s a red flag, indicating that the person using it is attempting to control the narrative at the cost of your emotional well-being.

5) Nobody else thinks that

Narcissists love to isolate their victims, and what better way than to make you feel like you’re the only one who thinks or feels a certain way?

“Nobody else thinks that” is a phrase narcissists use to make you feel alone in your thoughts and feelings. It’s a way of undermining your confidence and making you question your own judgment.

This phrase is not just manipulative but also factually incorrect. Remember, everyone has their own unique perspective, and yours is just as valid as anyone else’s. Don’t let a narcissist convince you otherwise.

6) You’re overreacting

Narcissists have a knack for making you feel like your reactions are exaggerated or uncalled for. “You’re overreacting” is a phrase they use to belittle your feelings and reactions.

They use this phrase to shift the blame onto you, making it seem like you’re the one causing problems, not them.

This hits close to home for many people. It’s crushing to have your feelings dismissed and treated as if they’re unreasonable. It can lead you to suppress your emotions, which is unhealthy and damaging.

Remember, your feelings are valid and you have every right to express them. Don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise.

7) I’m only saying this for your own good

This phrase is a classic example of how a narcissist can disguise criticism or manipulation as concern or love.

I recall a past relationship where my partner would often use this phrase to justify harsh criticisms about my appearance, my work, and even my friends. “I’m only saying this for your own good,” he would say, as if it was his caring concern that made him point out my flaws.

But in reality, it was a way for him to control and belittle me under the guise of help.

It’s important to remember that genuine concern doesn’t come packaged with belittlement or criticism. Constructive feedback should always be respectful and supportive, not hurtful or demeaning.

8) You should be grateful

At first glance, this phrase seems harmless, even positive. After all, gratitude is a good thing, right? But in the mouth of a narcissist, it takes on a different tone.

“You should be grateful” is often used by narcissists to make you feel indebted to them. They’ll use it to make it seem like they’ve done something great for you, even when they haven’t.

They might use this phrase to cover up their own bad behavior or to make you feel guilty for expressing dissatisfaction. It’s a subtle way of shifting the focus from their actions and onto your reaction.

So while gratitude is indeed a virtue, remember that it should never be used as a tool to manipulate or control you.

9) It’s always about you, isn’t it?

Ironically, a narcissist might accuse you of being self-centered while they’re the ones who are truly self-absorbed. “It’s always about you, isn’t it?” is a deflection tactic they use to take the focus off their behavior and put it onto you.

This phrase is designed to make you feel guilty for expressing your feelings or needs. It can make you hesitant to speak up in the future, which gives the narcissist more control.

In any healthy relationship, both parties’ needs and feelings are equally important. Don’t let a narcissist convince you otherwise.

10) You’ll never find someone like me

This phrase is the narcissist’s final trump card. It’s designed to make you feel like you’re losing something valuable, that no one else will ever appreciate you or treat you as they do.

In reality, it’s a manipulative ploy to make you feel unworthy of love and respect. It’s meant to keep you tethered to them, even when the relationship is clearly harmful.

The truth is, you won’t find someone like them – and that’s a good thing. You deserve respect, kindness, and genuine love, not manipulation and control.