8 signs of a man has never experienced true, deep love (according to psychology)

Love, as they say, is a many-splendored thing. But it’s not always easy to tell if a man has truly experienced the depth of real, profound love.

Hey there, it’s Tina Fey from Love Connection, your favorite relationship expert. I’ve spent countless hours counseling and observing men in different stages of relationships. And I’ve noticed that some have never really plunged into the deep end of the love pool.

Through my years of experience, backed by psychology, I’ve identified eight telltale signs that a man hasn’t experienced that true, deep love.

Let’s dive in. 

1) Lack of emotional depth

Love, in its truest form, brings out our emotional depths. It’s where we learn to express feelings that we might have held back previously.

Now, look at your man. Does he shy away from emotional conversations? Does he struggle to express his feelings?

According to psychology, this could be a sign that he’s never experienced deep love.

True love requires vulnerability and emotional openness. It’s a journey that takes us to the deepest parts of our emotions – happiness, fear, sadness, and everything in between.

2) Fear of commitment

This one is a classic, isn’t it? A man who shows signs of commitment phobia might not have experienced the transformative power of deep love.

Remember, as the great American author Mark Twain once said, “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not the absence of fear.”

Commitment can be scary, especially for those who haven’t experienced deep love. It’s like standing on the edge of a high cliff, preparing to jump into the unknown. But when you’ve truly loved and been loved deeply, that jump doesn’t seem so terrifying anymore.

From my own experience and countless heart-to-heart talks with clients, I’ve seen how deep love can ease that fear. It gives you the courage to take the plunge and fully commit.

3) Codependency

Let’s talk about codependency. This is a tricky one because it can often be mistaken for deep love. It’s not. It’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship, and a man who is codependent might not have experienced the true, profound love we’re talking about.

In my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I discuss how codependency can mask itself as deep love.

You see, true love is about mutual growth and support, not unhealthy dependency. If your man can’t seem to function without you, making you his only source of happiness, that’s not deep love; that’s codependency.

Take a moment to evaluate your relationship. If you find signs of codependency, it might be time to explore healthier ways to express and experience love – something I delve into in my book.

4) Overly independent

Now, this might seem counterintuitive after discussing codependency, but stick with me here.

A man who is excessively independent may also not have experienced deep love. Yes, independence is a good thing, but in a relationship, it’s all about the balance.

Deep love fosters a sense of partnership and interdependence – not too dependent, and not too independent. It’s about knowing when to lean on your partner and when to stand on your own.

If your man seems overly self-reliant, always insisting on doing things alone or refusing help even when he needs it, he may be putting up walls to avoid vulnerability.

This could indicate that he hasn’t yet experienced the kind of love that encourages him to lower those walls and let someone else in. It’s a delicate balance, but one that is integral to true, deep love.

5) Unresolved past relationships

We all have a past, don’t we? But how we deal with it can indicate whether we’ve experienced deep love.

If your man is still grappling with unresolved issues from past relationships, it might be a sign that he hasn’t yet experienced that profound love which helps us grow and move forward.

I remember a client of mine who couldn’t stop talking about his ex. It was clear that he hadn’t let go of his past and, as a result, hadn’t opened himself up to the possibility of deep love in his present relationship.

True love helps us learn from our past, not remain stuck in it. If your man is still tangled up in old relationships, it might mean he needs to experience the healing and growth that comes with deep love.

6) Avoidance of pain

Here’s the raw truth: love hurts. Not all the time, of course, but deep love opens us up to the possibility of deep pain. And that’s okay.

If your man actively avoids anything that could lead to emotional pain, it could be a sign he hasn’t experienced deep love yet.

True, profound love teaches us that it’s okay to hurt sometimes. It’s a part of the package, the risk we willingly take on because the joy and connection we experience are worth it.

If your man shies away from any situation where he might get hurt emotionally, it could be because he hasn’t understood the transformative power of deep love – how it can turn even our deepest pains into lessons of growth and resilience.

7) Lack of empathy

Empathy is the heartbeat of true, deep love. If your man lacks empathy, he might not have experienced this profound emotion.

Remember the words of the Dalai Lama, “Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.”

I’ve seen in my practice that men who haven’t experienced deep love often struggle with empathy. They find it hard to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, to feel their pain or joy.

In my own life, I’ve found that deep love has a way of opening up our empathetic side like nothing else. It makes us more understanding, more patient, and more compassionate.

If your man struggles with empathy, it might be a sign that he has yet to experience the depth of love that can truly touch his heart.

8) Fear of change

Let’s face it. Deep love changes us. It transforms us in ways we never even thought possible. It’s a beautiful process, but it’s also scary.

If your man is resistant to change, it might be a sign that he hasn’t experienced this transformative power of deep love.

True love pushes us out of our comfort zones. It challenges our beliefs, our habits, and our perspectives. It makes us confront parts of ourselves we might have preferred to keep hidden.

If your man is clinging to the status quo, terrified of any changes in his life, it might be because he hasn’t felt the exhilarating, terrifying, liberating experience of deep love that alters us for the better.

Final thoughts

Recognizing these signs in a man can be tough, but it’s a crucial step towards understanding the depth of his past romantic experiences. Remember, it’s not about judging or criticizing him, but about understanding his journey.

Moreover, if codependency or any other sign resonates with your relationship, you might want to check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s packed with insights and practical tips to help you navigate these challenges.

In the end, whether he’s experienced profound love or not, remember that every person and every relationship is unique. And the most beautiful thing about love? It gives us the opportunity to grow, learn, and experience depth in ways we never imagined.

Here’s to love and all its splendid, transformative power!