8 things you’re doing in public that show you have zero self-respect, according to psychology

We all have moments when we act out of insecurity or fear of judgment. But psychologists say that the way we present ourselves in public—especially in small, everyday situations—often reveals far more about our self-respect than we realize.

Self-respect isn’t arrogance. It’s the quiet confidence that you’re worthy of dignity and kindness, including from yourself. And when you don’t have it, the signs show up in subtle, public behaviors that tell the world you’ve stopped valuing yourself.

Here are eight of those behaviors—and how to start reclaiming your self-respect.

1. Constantly apologizing for existing

If the words “sorry” or “I hope that’s okay” spill out of your mouth every few minutes, it might not just be politeness—it might be a lack of self-worth.

Research from the University of Waterloo found that people who apologize excessively often struggle with internalized guilt and low self-esteem. They fear disapproval so much that they pre-emptively apologize for simply taking up space.

When I was in my twenties, I used to apologize for everything—from asking a waiter for more water to walking past someone in a café. I told myself I was just being polite, but really, I was terrified of being “too much.”

Psychology says: chronic apologizing is a self-erasing habit. It teaches your brain that other people’s comfort matters more than your presence.

Try this instead: replace “I’m sorry” with “thank you.” For example, instead of “Sorry I’m late,” say “Thanks for waiting.” You shift from guilt to gratitude—and quietly reclaim your dignity.

2. Laughing when you’re uncomfortable

Ever notice how some people laugh nervously when someone says something rude or condescending to them? That forced laugh is often a trauma response—a way of avoiding conflict and seeking approval.

A study in Cognitive Therapy and Research found that people who struggle with assertiveness often use humor or laughter to deflect discomfort, even when they feel hurt or disrespected.

I used to do this all the time. Someone would make a cutting joke at my expense, and I’d laugh along, just to smooth things over. But each time, I felt smaller. It’s like I was teaching people that it was okay to treat me that way.

Psychology says: people-pleasing laughter is a social defense mechanism, not a sign of friendliness.

Try this instead: the next time someone says something that crosses a line, don’t laugh. Let silence do the work. It’s uncomfortable at first—but that quiet pause speaks volumes about your self-respect.

3. Letting people interrupt you without pushing back

When someone constantly talks over you and you just let it happen, you’re not being polite—you’re signaling that your voice doesn’t matter.

Psychologists call this submissive social signaling—a behavior pattern often learned in childhood when people are rewarded for compliance rather than self-expression.

Think about the people you respect most—they don’t demand attention, but they also don’t shrink when someone cuts them off. They calmly wait, then continue speaking as if nothing happened.

I remember watching my father handle this with grace. Someone would interrupt him mid-sentence, and he’d simply pause, look at them, and then finish what he was saying once they stopped. No frustration. Just quiet authority.

Psychology says: self-respect shows in your boundaries, not your volume.

Try this instead: if someone interrupts you, hold your space with a calm tone: “I’d like to finish my point.” You don’t have to raise your voice—you just have to stop disappearing.

4. Downplaying your achievements in front of others

Many people think humility means hiding your success. But psychologists say constantly minimizing your accomplishments is a form of self-rejection.

In a study from Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, researchers found that people with low self-esteem often engage in self-deprecating talk to pre-empt criticism. They want to appear modest—but end up teaching others to overlook their value.

When I first started writing online, I’d say things like, “Oh, it’s just a little blog.” It wasn’t “little.” It was my passion and my livelihood. But downplaying it felt safer than risking judgment.

Psychology says: when you can’t accept your own success, you unconsciously invite others to dismiss it too.

Try this instead: practice neutral acknowledgment. You don’t have to brag—just tell the truth. “Yes, I built that site myself,” or “Thanks, I’ve been working hard on it.” Simple truth is quiet confidence.

5. Staying silent when someone treats you disrespectfully

This one’s tough—especially if you were raised to avoid confrontation. But silence in the face of disrespect doesn’t keep the peace; it keeps you small.

Psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner calls this the disease to please—the fear that setting boundaries will lead to rejection. But the longer you tolerate bad behavior, the more you teach people how little you respect yourself.

Years ago, I was at a dinner where someone made a snide comment about what I do for a living. Everyone laughed, and I smiled along. I still remember the pit in my stomach. That night I realized—if I don’t stand up for myself, I’m complicit in my own humiliation.

Psychology says: boundary violations don’t stop until you stop tolerating them.

Try this instead: when someone crosses a line, calmly name it: “That comment felt disrespectful.” You don’t owe them a debate—just clarity. Real self-respect sounds like calm truth, not aggression.

6. Oversharing your personal life with strangers

It feels cathartic to vent, especially when you’re lonely or anxious. But oversharing in public—dumping your entire life story on someone you barely know—is often a subtle cry for validation.

Research from The Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology suggests that oversharing is linked to poor emotional boundaries and a fragile sense of identity. The person isn’t connecting—they’re seeking relief from internal chaos.

I’ve noticed this in myself too. During times when I felt lost or disconnected, I’d tell too much to people who hadn’t earned my trust. It wasn’t vulnerability—it was self-abandonment disguised as openness.

Psychology says: healthy vulnerability is selective. It respects context and mutual trust.

Try this instead: before sharing, ask yourself, “Is this person safe enough to hold my story?” If the answer is no, you owe them nothing more than small talk.

7. Ignoring your physical appearance entirely

Self-respect isn’t about vanity. But consistently neglecting your appearance—wearing dirty clothes, avoiding basic hygiene, or pretending you “don’t care what people think”—can be a quiet sign of hopelessness or self-neglect.

Psychologists often see this in patients with low self-esteem or depression. It’s not laziness—it’s detachment. When you stop caring about how you present yourself, it’s often because you’ve stopped believing you matter.

There was a period during my twenties when I worked from home and barely left the house. Days would blur together; I’d live in the same T-shirt and convince myself that appearance didn’t matter. But when I finally started getting dressed each morning as if I had somewhere to be, my mood lifted. My mind followed my body.

Psychology says: self-care is one of the clearest outward expressions of self-respect.

Try this instead: choose one small act of care each day—ironing your shirt, combing your hair, wearing something clean. It’s not for others. It’s for the version of you that still believes you’re worth showing up for.

8. Staying in conversations where you’re clearly not respected

Have you ever found yourself trapped in a conversation that feels demeaning, yet you stay—smiling, nodding, waiting for it to end? Psychologists call this fawning behavior: the tendency to placate people who make you uncomfortable as a survival strategy.

Maybe you’re afraid of seeming rude. Maybe you think you “owe” them politeness. But every time you stay in a disrespectful conversation, you’re teaching your nervous system that your comfort doesn’t matter.

Dr. Gabor Maté, an expert on trauma and boundaries, writes that self-betrayal often starts small—with moments when we silence our instincts to avoid awkwardness.

Psychology says: ignoring your discomfort is self-rejection in real time.

Try this instead: give yourself permission to walk away. “Excuse me, I need to get going” is enough. You don’t need an explanation. Leaving a toxic interaction is one of the most powerful forms of self-respect.

A final thought

Self-respect doesn’t show up in grand gestures. It shows up in how you treat yourself when no one else seems to notice.

You can’t control how others behave in public—but you can control what you tolerate, what you accept, and how you show up.

When I look back at the times I had the least self-respect, it wasn’t because I was weak. It was because I was scared—scared of being disliked, misunderstood, or alone. But every small moment of self-assertion built a little more trust with myself.

You don’t earn self-respect overnight. You build it—one boundary, one “no,” one quiet act of self-care at a time.

In short:
Psychology reminds us that our public behavior is never just social—it’s deeply psychological. Every time you apologize unnecessarily, laugh off disrespect, or stay silent when you should speak, you’re sending a message to your own brain about what you deserve.

Start sending a new message: I matter.
That’s the foundation of real self-respect.