8 types of people that aren’t worth keeping in touch with, according to psychology

Psychologists have long known that the quality of our relationships outweighs sheer quantity when it comes to well-being.

Persistently negative or one-sided connections act like “social pollutants,” raising stress hormones, eroding self-esteem, and even predicting depressive symptoms over time. 

Below are eight profiles research flags as especially costly. If you notice one or two of these people on your contact list, you don’t have to stage a dramatic breakup—sometimes a quiet fade-out or tighter boundaries is all it takes.

What matters is protecting the limited emotional bandwidth you have for the relationships that truly nourish you.

1. The constant critic

Everyone needs feedback, but chronic critics deliver a steady drip of disapproval that gradually rewires your own inner voice to match theirs.

Long-term studies show that perceived social criticism predicts higher anxiety and depression years later—even after controlling for baseline mental-health status.

Psychological cost

• Repeated criticism triggers the brain’s threat circuitry, elevating cortisol and keeping the body in fight-or-flight mode.

• Over time, you internalize the critic’s voice, cultivating harsh self-talk that undermines motivation and resilience.

Healthy alternative
Seek friends who give responsive feedback—specific, time-bound, and paired with genuine encouragement.

2. The “energy vampire”

Dr. Judith Orloff popularized the term for people whose company consistently leaves you tired, irritable, or inexplicably down. 

Psychological cost

• Interactions resemble a one-way energy transfer; you’re a sounding board, problem-solver, or emotional landfill.

• Studies on emotional contagion show that spending time with chronically negative partners dampens positive affect and increases fatigue.

Healthy alternative
Limit face time, switch to low-bandwidth contact (e.g., text instead of calls), and insert “energy boosters” right after unavoidable encounters (short walk, music, breathing exercise).

3. The narcissist in friend’s clothing

Pathological narcissism differs from mere confidence: research finds it is linked to exploitative behaviors and a measurable burden on partners and family.

Friends of narcissists often report feeling devalued unless they provide admiration or resources.

Newer work even suggests narcissistic traits erode humor appreciation and mutual enjoyment in friendships.

Psychological cost

• Your role shrinks to audience, not collaborator.

• Empathy deficits make genuine support rare, especially in moments you need it most.

Healthy alternative
Reduce expectations to transactional levels—or bow out entirely—and refocus on reciprocal connections.

4. The covert manipulator

Gaslighting, guilt trips, and subtle coercion fall under psychological manipulation.

Meta-analyses link exposure to coercive control with higher PTSD and depression symptoms.

Other work shows that manipulators rely on tactics such as emotional blackmail or feigned concern to keep partners off balance. 

Psychological cost

• Self-doubt skyrockets as you second-guess memories and judgments.

• Chronic stress from walking on eggshells impairs concentration and immune function.

Healthy alternative
Name the tactic out loud (to yourself or a trusted ally), document interactions, and, when safe, create physical or digital distance.

5. The perpetual victim

We all experience hardship, but a victim mentality frames every setback as proof the universe is conspiring against them—while absolving personal responsibility.

Clinicians warn that moral typecasting (casting oneself forever as the victim and others as villains) corrodes communication and intimacy. 

Psychological cost

• Emotional labor flows one way; your attempts to help are met with “Yes, but…” replies.

• Their learned helplessness can become contagious, lowering your own sense of agency.

Healthy alternative
Offer empathy once, then pivot to encouraging solution-focused steps. If they refuse agency, invest your energy elsewhere.

6. The fair-weather friend

These contacts appear when life is glamorous but vanish at the first sign of difficulty.

Social-psychology experiments show that low-self-esteem individuals often offer “fair-weather care,” withdrawing when friends reveal flaws or face setbacks.

Psychological cost

• Inconsistent support creates relational ambivalence, which research links to greater daily stress than outright hostile relationships.

• You may censor authentic feelings to avoid scaring them off, fostering loneliness even in company.

Healthy alternative
Upgrade your inner circle to “all-weather allies” who stick around during storms—and be that person in return.

7. The chronic gossiper

Gossip isn’t always malicious, but persistent negative gossip correlates with burnout, emotional exhaustion, and spikes in workplace anxiety. 

Psychological cost

• You’re subconsciously on guard, wondering what they’ll say about you the moment you leave.

• Exposure to constant character attacks normalizes cynicism and erodes trust across your network.

Healthy alternative
Steer conversation toward constructive topics or set a “no bad-mouthing absent friends” rule. If that fails, step back.

8. The chronic complainer

Research on repetitive complaining shows it literally “rewires” the brain for negativity, making future complaining—and pessimistic thinking—easier. 

Psychological cost

• Persistent venting activates mirror neurons, lowering your mood even when your own day was fine.

• Negativity bias becomes stronger; you start scanning for problems instead of possibilities.

Healthy alternative
Model solution-seeking talk (“What could we try?”). If conversations stay stuck in complaint loops, shorten their duration or shift activities (e.g., walk while talking).

Putting it into practice

1. Audit your contact list. Mark who leaves you energized, neutral, or drained.

2. Rank by time spent. A single two-hour lunch with an energy vampire can outweigh ten encouraging texts from a supportive friend.

3. Adjust exposure:

   • Reduce high-drain, low-gain interactions (less frequent meetings, group settings rather than one-on-one).

   • Reinforce high-gain connections—schedule regular catch-ups, express appreciation, and reciprocate support.

4. Set boundaries early and clearly; ambiguity invites manipulation or criticism creep.

5. Invest inward—therapy, mindfulness, or hobbies—to refill the emotional reserves healthy relationships rely on.

Final thoughts

Your social world is an ecosystem. Just as gardeners prune dying branches to help a tree thrive, you can prune relationships that consistently sap vitality.

Doing so isn’t cruel; it’s a form of psychological hygiene endorsed by decades of research.

By creating space for reciprocal, uplifting bonds, you protect your mental health today and lay the groundwork for a more resilient, fulfilling tomorrow.