If you want your child to respect you as they get older, say goodbye to these 7 habits

Respect isn’t something you can demand from your child—it’s something you earn over time. It’s rooted in trust, connection, and how you show up in the relationship, especially during the challenging moments.

As parents, we all want to raise children who respect us—not out of fear, but because they admire us, trust our guidance, and feel safe in our presence.

But here’s the hard truth: sometimes, the very habits we rely on to get short-term obedience can erode the long-term respect we hope to build.

If you want your child to grow into someone who values your presence, listens to your advice, and feels genuinely close to you as they get older, here are 7 habits you’ll want to let go of—starting today.

1. Using fear as a parenting tool

It might work in the moment—raising your voice, threatening punishment, giving the “look” that makes them freeze in place.

But parenting through fear creates emotional distance.

When a child is afraid of being yelled at or punished, their nervous system enters a state of fight, flight, or freeze. They may comply in the moment, but over time, they associate your presence with stress—not safety.

And respect can’t grow in fear. It grows in a relationship where your child feels safe enough to be honest, make mistakes, and know that love won’t be withdrawn when they mess up.

Instead of fear, choose firmness with compassion. Set boundaries with clarity and kindness. Your child will remember how you made them feel far more than what you said.

2. Interrupting their emotions or minimizing their struggles

Your child isn’t being “dramatic.” They’re being human.

Children often express their emotions loudly because they haven’t learned emotional regulation yet—that’s your job to model, not shame.

When you respond to a meltdown with “Stop crying, it’s not a big deal,” or “You’re being ridiculous,” what your child hears is: my feelings don’t matter or I’m too much.

Over time, this builds a subtle wall between you. They learn to hide their emotions from you. And as they get older, they may stop coming to you altogether.

Respect comes from feeling respected first. So even if you think they’re overreacting, take a breath, get down to their level, and say, “I can see this is really hard for you. I’m here.”

That one moment of connection can shape your bond for years.

3. Inconsistently enforcing boundaries

Children test boundaries not because they’re bad, but because they’re biologically wired to explore how the world works—and part of that is seeing what happens when they push limits.

If your boundaries shift depending on your mood, how tired you are, or how much energy you have left, your child learns one of two things:

1. Boundaries don’t really mean anything

2. You’re unpredictable, and they can’t count on consistency from you

Either way, it undermines respect.

Consistent boundaries create emotional security. When your child knows what to expect from you, they feel safe—and safety builds trust. Trust builds respect.

Even if they’re mad in the moment, consistency tells them: my parent means what they say, and I can rely on that.

4. Expecting obedience without explanation

“Because I said so” might feel like a clean mic drop—but in reality, it shuts down connection.

While there’s a time and place for quick decisions, routinely expecting blind obedience without offering age-appropriate reasoning sends the message that your child’s mind doesn’t matter.

Over time, this damages the respectful relationship you’re trying to build. Kids don’t need to always get their way, but they do need to understand the “why.”

Explaining your reasoning (even briefly) teaches them to think critically, not just follow orders. It also shows that you respect them as thinking beings—which makes them more likely to reciprocate that respect.

So instead of “Because I said so,” try “I know you want to keep playing, but we need to leave now so we get home before dark.”

It’s a small shift that makes a big impact.

5. Never apologizing when you’re wrong

You’re human. You lose your cool. You misunderstand. You yell when you’re overwhelmed. We all do.

But what separates strong parent-child relationships from fractured ones is what happens afterward.

If you double down and never acknowledge your mistake, your child learns that apologies are weakness—or worse, that adults can mistreat others and never be held accountable.

On the other hand, when you say, “I’m sorry I yelled. I was frustrated, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you,” your child learns humility, accountability, and emotional safety.

They learn that mistakes don’t break love—they repair it.

And that’s a lesson they’ll carry into their own relationships forever.

6. Criticizing more than you encourage

It’s easy to fall into the trap of constantly correcting your child. “Pick up your toys.” “Sit up straight.” “Don’t do that.”

And yes, guidance matters—but if most of your communication is negative, your child starts to tune out. Worse, they start to internalize the belief that they’re not good enough.

Over time, this erodes the emotional foundation of your relationship.

Children thrive on encouragement. They blossom under positive attention. When you notice what they’re doing right—“I saw how kind you were to your sister just now”—you reinforce the behavior you want and strengthen your bond.

Try the 5:1 rule: five positive comments for every one correction. It’s not always easy, but it rewires your relationship in powerful ways.

Respect grows in spaces where people feel seen and appreciated—not constantly judged.

7. Forgetting to model the behavior you expect

Kids might not always listen to what you say, but they’re always watching what you do.

If you speak disrespectfully to your partner, yell when you’re stressed, or ignore your child when they’re talking to you—guess what they’re learning?

Respect starts with modeling.

Want your child to be kind? Speak gently to them—even when they mess up.

Want them to listen when others speak? Make eye contact and pause when they’re talking.

Want them to be emotionally honest? Show vulnerability in age-appropriate ways. Let them see you process sadness or frustration with grace.

The most powerful parenting tool you have isn’t what you say—it’s who you are when no one’s watching.

Final thoughts: respect is a relationship, not a reward

Respect isn’t a one-time achievement. It’s something you build, moment by moment, in how you speak, how you listen, how you hold space, and how you guide.

It’s tempting to focus on getting compliance now—but if you want a respectful, trusting relationship with your child in the long run, the real work lies in your habits.

That means saying goodbye to control and hello to connection. Letting go of harshness and embracing presence. Trading dominance for partnership.

It doesn’t mean being permissive. It means being rooted in kindness and clarity.

When your child respects you—not because they fear you, but because they feel deeply safe and seen in your presence—you’ve won something far more valuable than obedience.

You’ve built a lifelong relationship that matters.