People who never felt truly loved as kids usually display these 9 behaviors as adults

Childhood is a shaping ground. It’s where our beliefs, behaviors, and emotions take root. For those who’ve grown up without feeling truly loved, it often manifests in certain adult behaviors.

These behaviors aren’t just quirks or character traits; they’re often cries for the love they missed out on during their formative years.

Let’s delve into these nine behaviors that adults who didn’t feel loved as kids usually display. It’s not about blame, but understanding – a stepping stone towards healing and growth.

1) Overcompensation in relationships

Adults who grew up without feeling truly loved often have an innate desire to ensure no one else experiences what they went through. This sometimes results in them overcompensating in their relationships.

They might be the friend who always goes the extra mile, the partner who’s always trying to please or the parent who smothers their child with affection.

While these actions may seem noble, they often stem from a place of fear and insecurity. It’s their way of ensuring they’re loved and valued.

This overcompensation isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it’s essential to understand where it’s coming from. 

2) Fear of abandonment

I know this one all too well. Growing up without feeling loved, I developed a deep-seated fear of abandonment. As an adult, this translated into me holding on to relationships – be it romantic or friendships – even when they weren’t healthy.

I would make excuses for people’s behavior and justify my reasons for staying because the idea of being left alone was too overwhelming. It felt like I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, always bracing myself for people to walk out of my life.

And that’s not a healthy way to live. It wasn’t until I recognized this fear and started working through it that I began forming healthier relationships.

3) Difficulty accepting love and affection

For some adults who never felt loved as kids, even the simplest forms of affection can be confusing, even uncomfortable. They may question the authenticity of the love shown to them or even push people away out of fear.

children who grow up without consistent love and affection are more likely to struggle with physical touch as adults. This struggle isn’t just emotional but physiological too, with their bodies responding differently to touch due to their early experiences.

4) A constant need for validation

Adults who didn’t feel loved as children often seek validation from others. They might constantly strive to prove themselves worthy, whether it’s through achievements, appearance, or pleasing others.

This constant need for approval can lead to perfectionism, people-pleasing behavior, and even self-neglect. It can be exhausting and lead to burnout or feelings of inadequacy when they don’t receive the validation they seek.

Understanding this behavior is a step towards breaking this cycle and fostering self-love and self-validation.

5) Emotional detachment

Growing up without feeling truly loved can lead to a defensive mechanism of emotional detachment in adulthood. These individuals often struggle to express their feelings or connect deeply with others.

They may appear aloof or indifferent, not because they don’t care, but because they’ve learned to protect themselves by distancing their emotions. This behavior, while a self-preservation tactic, can hinder the development of meaningful relationships.

Recognizing and understanding this behavior is the first step toward fostering emotional honesty and vulnerability, essential elements for deep and fulfilling relationships.

6) Struggle with self-love

This one hits close to home for many of us. Adults who never felt truly loved as kids often grapple with self-love. They might struggle to see their worth and value, not because they lack it, but because they were never taught to recognize it.

It’s heartbreaking to see someone question their worthiness of love and happiness. But the journey to self-love is one that starts with acknowledgment. It’s about realizing that your worth is inherent, not conditioned on others’ approval or love.

And while the road to self-love can be bumpy and winding, it’s a journey worth taking—for no one deserves love more than you do from yourself.

7) Fear of trust

Trust is a tricky thing. For those of us who didn’t feel loved growing up, it can be even trickier. I’ve found it hard to trust others, often questioning their motives or waiting for them to disappoint me.

This fear of trust wasn’t just about others, though. It was about not trusting myself to make good decisions about who to let into my life, fearing I’d somehow repeat the patterns of my past.

Navigating trust issues is a gradual process. It takes time to learn that not everyone will let you down and that it’s okay to let your guard down. And most importantly, that trusting yourself is the first step towards healing.

8) Overthinking and anxiety

Adults who didn’t feel loved as kids often become overthinkers. They may constantly analyze situations, read into people’s actions, or worry about the future. This overthinking can lead to high levels of anxiety and stress.

This behavior is often a result of the unpredictability they experienced as children. The world was an uncertain place, and overthinking was a way to feel in control.

Understanding this can help in managing anxiety and adopting healthier coping strategies. Remember, it’s okay not to have all the answers and that sometimes, letting go is the best way forward.

9) Resilience and strength

Despite all these behaviors, there is one characteristic that stands out in adults who didn’t feel loved as kids: resilience. They have been through tough times, learned to survive, and often come out stronger.

Their experiences have built a level of resilience and strength that is truly admirable. And while their past may have shaped them, it doesn’t define them. They have the power to rewrite their future narrative, to learn self-love, trust, and emotional connection.

And that’s the beauty of resilience – it’s not just about surviving, but thriving.

Final thoughts: It’s about understanding, not blame

In unpacking these behaviors, it’s crucial to remember that this isn’t about placing blame or dwelling on the past. It’s about understanding oneself and others better.

The effects of not feeling truly loved as a child can indeed shape one’s adult behaviors. But it’s also essential to remember that these behaviors aren’t fixed. They’re not life sentences but starting points for growth and healing.

Perhaps the most empowering realization is that while our past may shape us, it doesn’t define us. We have the power to heal, grow, and rewrite our narratives.

So, whether you identify with these behaviors or know someone who does, take a moment to reflect on this: The capacity for change is one of the most remarkable aspects of being human. And with understanding and compassion, we can all move towards a more loving and fulfilling existence.