10 heartbreaking signs you’re not a priority in your relationship

by Tina Fey | May 28, 2024, 6:36 pm

Loving isn’t easy. 

Sure, the magical, romantic moments are easy, but it’s the rough patches that can truly test the strength of the relationship.

And in all this commotion, you may find yourself wondering: How important am I to my partner?

If you find yourself asking these questions, know that you’re not alone.

So, if you want to find the answers to them, come with me as we dive into the heartbreaking signs that you might not be a priority in your relationship.

Brace yourself — some of these might be tough to hear. 

1) They’re always too busy for you

Is your partner constantly too busy for you?

Sure, we all have times when our schedule is crazy, and catching a breath seems like a luxury.

However, if your partner seems perpetually swamped and can’t find time for you, it’s a red flag.

Successful relationships are about balance. If they genuinely care about you, they’ll make the effort to include you in their life, no matter how hectic things get.

So if you’re often left hanging while they’re off doing their own thing, you might need to have a serious conversation.

After all, you deserve someone who makes time for you because they want to, not because they feel obligated to.

2) Communication is often one-sided

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. So, what happens when you’re the only one making an effort?

Does it feel like you’re always the one sharing updates about your life, asking about their day, or planning your next date?

If you’re always the initiator for conversations and your partner only responds when you reach out, it might be a sign that you’re not a priority.

In a balanced relationship, both partners should take turns to initiate and engage in communication.

Yes, people can get busy, but if they truly care, they’ll make sure to check in on you and share their world with you.

Remember, it’s the little things that count – a good morning text, a midday check-in, or a goodnight call can make all the difference.

You deserve a partner who wants to hear about your day as much as you want to hear about theirs.

3) They don’t include you in future plans

This one hits close to home for me.

I once dated someone who loved talking about their future. It was always about “my” plans, “my” dreams, “my” goals. Not “ours” — I was never part of that picture.

At first, I thought it was because we were still in the early stages of our relationship. But as time went on, nothing changed.

I remember one day they told me about how excited they are to finally graduate from college.

I asked if I could come to the ceremony, naturally expecting to be part of this milestone — but the awkward pause that followed said it all.

They had planned it all out, right down to the last detail, but hadn’t considered including me.

It was a painful realization but a clear sign that I wasn’t a priority. When your partner envisions their future without automatically including you in it, it’s time to reassess where you truly stand in their life.

If this resonates with you, remember that you deserve to be with someone who sees their tomorrow with you in it, who wants to build and share dreams with you, not apart from you.

4) They don’t show interest in your interests

We all have our own unique hobbies and passions, right?

But here’s an interesting fact: research shows that couples who take an interest in each other’s hobbies tend to have stronger, more satisfying relationships.

So, what happens when your partner doesn’t show any interest in what you’re passionate about?

If they consistently dismiss your interests as unimportant or boring and make no effort to engage or understand them, it’s a pretty clear sign that you’re not a priority.

In a healthy relationship, even if your partner doesn’t share your passion for mid-century architecture or your love for cross-stitching, they should at least appreciate the joy it brings you.

It’s not about pretending to love what you love; it’s about showing that they care about your happiness.

At the end of the day, a relationship is about mutual respect and understanding. You deserve someone who loves you every part of you — even the ones that enjoy peculiar hobbies.

5) Your feelings don’t seem to matter

This one is a hard-to-swallow-pill, but it’s important:

If your partner rarely acknowledges your feelings or worse, dismisses the—whether they’re about a bad day at work, a fight with a friend, or worries about the future—it’s a heartbreaking sign that you’re not their priority.

In those moments when you’re feeling down or upset, you should be able to lean on your partner for support. If instead, they make you feel like you’re overreacting or being too sensitive, it can be incredibly hurtful.

You deserve someone who understands that your feelings are valid. Someone who is willing to provide comfort when you’re down and celebrates with you when you’re up.

6) They don’t introduce you to your loved ones

In one of my past relationships, my partner and my family had a good relationship with one another — at the time, I thought it was a great sign that they’re in it for the long haul.

But then, I realized that, on their end, they never introduced me to their family and friends.

Despite multiple opportunities, they never made an effort to connect with the people in their life. 

Birthdays, holidays, family dinners – they always had an excuse to avoid inviting me to them.

That’s when it hit me hard.

When someone genuinely cares about you, they understand the importance of building your relationship with their loved ones, too.

They’ll make an effort because they know these people are an extension of them and integral to their life.

After all, loving someone means loving all parts of their life, including the people who matter to them—and if they don’t even make an effort to let you be a part of it, you’re not a priority.

7) They’re not there when you need them

When the going gets tough, is your partner nowhere to be found? Do they vanish or withdraw when you’re going through a rough patch or facing a crisis?

If yes, then it’s a glaring sign you’re not a priority. It’s harsh, but it’s real. 

Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. There will always be rainy days. And in those times, you need your partner by your side more than ever.

But if they’re consistently MIA when you need them most, leaving you to deal with your problems alone, then they’re not the one for you.

You deserve someone who stands by you through thick and thin; someone who understands that “in sickness and in health” isn’t just a line from some old wedding vow, but a promise to be there for each other – always.

8) They consistently break promises

Naturally, we think of people who keep their promises as more caring, supportive, and dependable.

So, if your partner consistently breaks promises, don’t make excuses for them.

Remove the rose-tinted lenses and see it for what it is, which is a behavior that can seriously harm the trust in a relationship.

In a healthy relationship, your partner should value their promises to you. It’s not just the actual promise that matters — it’s also their respect, trustworthiness, and reliability in the relationship.

If they’re constantly letting you down and breaking their word, they’re also breaking down the foundation of your relationship.

9) They don’t make you feel special

Are you often left feeling unappreciated or undervalued? Do their words and actions (or lack thereof) make you feel like you’re just another person in their life, rather than someone they cherish and love?

If so, it’s a clear sign you’re not a priority.

In a loving relationship, your partner should make you feel cherished. At the very least, they should make an effort to show you that you mean the world to them.

10) They don’t compromise

Relationships are about give and take. If your partner always wants things their way and doesn’t consider your feelings or opinions, it’s a big red flag that you’re not a priority.

That’s because compromise is key to any successful relationship. It’s about finding middle ground that both parties are content with.

If they’re unwilling to compromise and always put their needs before yours, they’re showing that their happiness matters more than yours.

Remember, you deserve someone who values your happiness as much as theirs and understands the importance of compromise in a loving relationship.

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