If someone displays these 9 behaviors, their ego is out of control

by Isabel Cabrera | April 15, 2024, 5:52 pm

First I’d like to have a moment of silence for everyone that was told they had a big ego for feeling good about themselves.

They were probably told that by someone whose ego was out of control.

Now, what is ego?

The ego is defined as a person’s sense of self-esteem and self-importance. It’s what protects us from feeling hurt or rejected.

But just as an overprotective parent can go overboard, so can our egos. It can make us live in fear, and find solace in control.

Here are 9 behaviors a person will show if their ego is out of control.

1) They are out of touch with reality

Not everyone with a big ego will show it the same way. 

Especially because there are different factors that affect how people express their insecurities. For example, the way we are raised, and even gender roles have a part in this.

But something they will all have in common is being out of touch with reality. Not to be confused with being out of the loop, or being aware that they can create their own reality.

Reality with a capital R in this case is that not everyone knows everything. But they do know what’s best for themselves. 

And that if we all want to coexist, we have to respect other people’s realities.

When people’s egos are out of control, they will have an unstable sense of self which will make them believe the opposite.

That somehow they know what’s best for everyone, and that’s how they validate their own reality.

2) They are controlling and manipulative

Even if it’s under the guise of good intentions, people with unstable egos find validation in convincing others of their worth.

Which is why we see so many corrupted spiritualists and religious leaders. A lot of them believe that their purpose is to change others even if it harms them.

The difference between someone who inspires and someone who seeks control is in how they are able to handle rejection and disagreements.

So if you know someone who guilt trips, or can’t take “no” for an answer, that’s because their need to be right overrides their need to respect you.

3) They power trip

The thing with power is that it has the potential to do so much good. 

But when mixed with a fragile ego, it takes advantage of other people’s lack of power. Usually to validate their harmful biases and personal agendas.

An example being how the police use their status in their community to justify violence.

Many even go as far as to manipulate evidence or omit details in order to create false narratives. This way, they can benefit from their reputations without upholding them.

It’s also demonstrated in team environments where there is a hierarchy. 

Some people can’t handle being in leadership positions because it’s the only time they feel like their life has meaning. 

So they resort to power tripping to maintain that sense of control. But really what these people need is a life. 

4) They take everything personally

These are the people that make it impossible to have a normal conversation. Like everything you say will be taken the wrong way.

Which can be difficult if you’re an empathetic and respectful person. Because you’ll want to hear someone out if they feel offended by you.

Not to mention, we could all benefit from learning how to be more compassionate and aware in the way we communicate.

But the key to differentiating a sensitive person from an egotistical one, is in how they make you feel. As well as how well they keep up with their own standards.

Because if they’re doing the same things they are accusing you of, that just means they’re projecting.

Or if their sense of justice starts and ends with their experiences, they don’t actually care about accountability.

They just want you to validate their unrealistic expectations so they can feel important at your expense.

5) They can’t be alone

Essentially, people with an inflated ego live through others to avoid themselves.

So they may jump from relationship to relationship in order to feel fulfilled, not because they actually feel a connection with that person.

If not a string of relationships, then this is someone who has a hard time thinking for themselves. They may even act differently depending on who is around.

Their self-esteem may be like a pendulum and their identity might be how they’re always having an identity crisis.

Learning how to be alone is a journey, so just because you struggle with it doesn’t mean your ego is out of control.

But if your life is being affected negatively by it, it’s time to check-in with yourself. And ask if you’re holding on too tightly to a skewed idea of how you should be.

6) They care way too much about what people think of them

Also known as social perfectionism!

Social perfectionism is when you become overly concerned with other people’s expectations of you – even if they aren’t actual expectations they have of you.

We all care to some extent. But it shouldn’t cause you great distress or see socializing as something you can be graded on.

People who are overly self-conscious might overthink everything they do and criticize themselves unfairly.

Usually regarding trivial things such as appearances. Or other things that shallow people tend to fixate on in order to make up for their lack of personality.

And when someone cares this much about their image, they tend to micromanage the people around them to maintain it.

7) They value their individuality to their detriment

A healthy level of individuality means you have a sense of integrity that you maintain by knowing yourself.

Toxic individuality happens when a person’s image is so important to them that they don’t realize how it’s affecting their ability to connect with others.

So their motivations for self-preservation are rooted in wanting to feel superior to others.

For example, this is a person who will only be kind if they think you can help them move up in their career.

Or someone who denies certain opportunities because they don’t deem it “cool enough.”

People like this are hard to work with unless you share the same goal of wanting to overcome your insecurities by validating them.

Otherwise, they’ll just leave you with more self-doubt.

And when a person believes they are above fairness, they usually believe they are above accountability as well.

8) They can’t admit they’re wrong

Pride is one of the things that fuels a person’s self-esteem.

But when it’s the only thing that fuels it, it just makes more room for shame in their life.

Which makes it harder for them to process their emotions without feeling attacked.

So other than finding creative ways to shift the blame onto others, someone who can’t admit they’re wrong will also have a hard time with change in general.

Change requires emotional maturity and a stable ego. Without it, you’ll find yourself constantly doing damage control to manage the same mistakes. 

So if it’s not the absence of an apology, these kinds of people will have endless excuses and half-assed apologies.

And the longer they get away with it, the more it fuels their pride.

9) They have strong emotional reactions to change

Ego is a tool, and a tool can only be recognized as one if you learn to control it.

So when your ego is out of control, becoming emotionally detached might be a way for people to cope with it.

This can cause people to become unpredictable and like we already mentioned, take things personally.

But it can also cause them to stay in unhealthy situations and environments because they don’t value their emotional well-being.

An egotistical person is often depicted as someone that harms others with their lack of self-awareness

But it’s worth mentioning that it can also describe someone who prefers familiarity over progress. They see the need for change as failure on their part.

When really, it’s just their ego giving them tunnel vision.

Every single person has an ego, it’s a necessary part of the human experience.

A healthy ego will give you a sense of direction in life. It will preserve what matters to you the most so you can pick your battles more wisely.

When people say they’ve experienced an ego death, usually after using psychedelics, they just mean they became aware of certain beliefs that no longer served them.

Beliefs that made them value being right over being empathetic.

So don’t kill your ego, just get to know it.

Befriending it will be the key to loving yourself and wishing the same for others.

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