If someone displays these 9 behaviors, they’re secretly a narcissist

Narcissism is a hot topic these days. But like all buzzwords, the term is sometimes overused.

Many people don’t fully understand this complex personality disorder and call someone a narcissist at the first sign of any red flag.

However, according to mental health professionals, narcissism is hard to diagnose as it shares the traits of other personality disorders. 

Moreover, someone can have narcissistic traits but not be a narcissist.

So, let’s get to the bottom of narcissistic behavior so you can know for sure whether someone in your life is a true narcissist or not.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, a “narcissist” is someone who meets several criteria. The following narcissistic behaviors all relate to these nine indicators.

1) Always putting themselves first

A sense of self-importance is a key criterion for diagnosing narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

While it is essential to fill your cup before caring for others, narcissists ONLY consider their own needs. 

Narcissists have inflated egos – they think they are the best and everyone is below them. They look down on others, seeing them as worthless and unimportant.

This shows up in their behavior by never considering the needs of others, even their loved ones, and being rude to those they view as “below them.”

Their arrogance toward most people is also due to their fixation on social status, which we’ll discuss next… 

2) Overly caring about status

Narcissists are overly concerned about how they appear to others. 

They possess an elevated self-importance, seeing themselves as the “top dog.”

What feeds this ego is hanging out with other “top dogs,” which is why many narcissists only associate with people whom they see as high-status. 

While the exact cause of narcissism is unclear, many mental health professionals believe it is due to the person’s early childhood experiences.

Typically, a narcissist will have experienced one of the two contrasting things by their parents:

• Being placed on a pedestal
• Being neglected 

If it is the former, the child is brought up to believe they are special and thus will act that way as an adult. 

But if it is the latter, the child will seek to fill their emptiness by developing a fake persona, appearing as the opposite of how they truly feel. For instance, they feel like a loser, so they invent a false self who is a winner in all areas of life. 

This also leads to their obsession with success, power, and brilliance, which shows up in the following behavior…

3) Constantly striving for more 

No matter what they have, narcissists are never happy.

One common narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) trait is an obsession with accomplishment.

Narcissists get a rush of pleasure like a drug high whenever they win. 

Like addiction, this feeling is always fleeting. So, they have to keep striving for more and more to feel satisfied. 

Therefore, a narcissist can never be happy. 

They are too focused on what they don’t have to realize their blessings. Gratitude is an energy that they simply cannot access.

When they win, they feel untouchable. But when they lose, they can quickly become enraged, which brings me to the following common behavior…

4) Getting angry or annoyed when things don’t go their way

Narcissists have a huge sense of entitlement. They expect special treatment because they believe they are better than everyone else.

So, if they encounter a setback, their ego takes a massive hit, causing them to “fly off the handle.”

They will use anger or manipulation to try to regain control and authority. 

For example, if they wait too long in a queue, they will “kick up a fuss” to get attended to faster. 

Their outbursts can seem so over the top and unnecessary because their sense of superiority is so unrealistic. 

They genuinely see themselves as a king or queen, so they expect everyone else to treat them that way.

5) Seeing everything as a competition

A narcissist’s sense of superiority also makes it impossible for them to collaborate with others or work in a team. 

To them, everything in life is a competition. 

They don’t see their colleagues as teammates but as threats. 

That’s why, when someone else wins, a narcissist becomes VERY jealous and reacts by trying to beat that person and reclaim the top spot.

In fact…

Envy is a common emotion for narcissists.

Along with being jealous of others’ successes, narcissists believe that others are envious of them, even if there is no evidence to suggest this. 

6) Using others for personal gain

To get to the top, a narcissist will display interpersonally exploitative behavior by trying to take advantage of those around them.

They will use tactics like flattery or manipulation to get others on their side and then use them to gain more personal success or money. 

Another example of this behavior is taking credit for things they didn’t do. 

For instance… 

A narcissistic boss will have their PA working overtime to create a presentation for them. Then, when the boss gets complimented on it, they will take all credit without acknowledging their PA.

7) Putting other people down

Sometimes, using other people is not enough for a narcissist; they have to shame them publicly.

One reason they put others down is to project their own insecurities.

They do this by shifting blame and gaslighting. 

They also look for weaknesses in others and call that person out on it, making them feel better about themselves.

Remember, although narcissists like to appear self-confident, they have what counselor and researcher Steve Rose calls fragile high self-esteem. 

What is this?

While they believe they are the best, their self-esteem is insecure. 

This research study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology supports this. Their findings suggest that narcissists have a heightened sensitivity to social rejection.

A narcissist’s fragile self-esteem means they cannot validate themselves, which is why narcissists are always displaying the following behavior…

8) Constantly seeking admiration 

Narcissists seek validation from others in the form of admiration. 

It is not enough for them to feel like they are successful; they want others to tell them they are and admire their successes.

This need for attention and admiration is known as “narcissistic supply.”

To keep their narcissistic supply high, they will boast and brag about what they have: money, physical possessions, success, a beautiful partner, etc.

In the case that a narcissist doesn’t have anything to brag about, they will create a false self/identity to make others believe they are wealthier, more successful, and more likable than they are.

If you are unlucky enough to become a source of narcissistic supply, you’ll eventually feel drained and resentful towards that person.

This is because no matter how much admiration you give a narcissist, it is never enough.

Like parasites, they will leech onto you and keep sucking away, leaving you emotionally depleted. 

9) Self-sabotaging their relationships

Considering the above behavioral traits, it’s no surprise that narcissists struggle to maintain healthy relationships. 

Narcissists completely lack empathy, which is defined as “the ability to understand and relate to the feelings of another person.”

Instead, to others, they appear:

• Critical 
• Judgmental
• Insensitive
• Impatient
• Emotionally unavailable 

In their relationship behaviors, their lack of empathy will show up as:

• Poor listening skills
• Using passive-aggressive phrases
• Blaming the other person for their lack of understanding
• Disregarding their partner’s feelings
• Punishing their partner through silent treatment

Some narcissists, known as covert narcissists, will actively avoid getting close to anyone due to fear of rejection. 

Instead, they will only pursue superficial relationships with people they can control, using them to reinforce their sense of self-worth.  

Final thoughts

Remember that many people may display one or two of these behaviors, but that doesn’t make them narcissists per se. 

According to the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders referenced above, a true narcissist will present at least 5 out of the 9 criteria.

So, if you see most of these behaviors in someone in your life, that’s a pretty good indication that you have a narcissist on your hands!