If someone displays these 11 subtle behaviors, they’re in denial about their loneliness

There’s a loneliness epidemic happening right now. Despite the increased connectivity through technology and social media, many people are feeling lonelier than ever. 

Modern lifestyles, demanding work schedules, and even changes in family structures can all lead to social isolation. Plus, we find ourselves with fewer opportunities for face-to-face interactions.

Still, some are in total denial about their loneliness. They fool themselves that they don’t need anyone to be happy. 

But, if someone’s in denial about this, they will probably display the following subtle behaviors. 

1) Spending too much time on social media

On its own, spending time on social media doesn’t mean someone is lonely, right? But if it’s part of a greater trend that includes other behaviors on this list, then it’s a concern.

Constantly scrolling through social media creates an illusion of connection, doesn’t it? I mean, you’re interacting with people all over the world. 

So, that easily becomes a substitute for real-life relationships, seeking validation through likes and comments instead of meaningful connections.

2) Overworking

Immersing yourself in work often serves as a distraction from feelings of loneliness. The constant busyness acts as a protective shield, preventing you from realizing you need genuine social connections.

But oftentimes, the work itself prevents us from going out and socializing. I remember when I was doing shift work and weekends. I didn’t have the time or desire to go out and spend time with friends. 

Often, it wasn’t even practical because when I was working, they weren’t, and vice versa. 

That went on for years, and I got into this bad habit of being secluded and only ever spending time with people at work. 

But, the opposite can happen too, as you’ll see next. 

3) Avoiding alone time

Some people fear being alone with their thoughts and emotions so much that they fill every moment with activities or people. 

Being alone gives you ample time for self-reflection, and for some, this option can be intimidating. 

I was the same. I had to fill every silence and alone time with music, TV, YouTube, or anything else that was distracting enough to not think about real life. 

The worst moments were right after I’d wake up, and my brain would instantly start working overtime. All the negative thoughts would creep up, and all my insecurities would come to the surface. 

It’s as if my mind knew this was the only chance it would get to do some introspection. In those moments, I would have to get up immediately or face a depressing start to the day. 

Also, who knew that avoiding alone time also goes hand in hand with busy work? 

4) Constant busyness

Busy work and maintaining a hectic schedule are also strategies to avoid confronting the underlying loneliness. 

The constant movement and activity act as a distraction, preventing moments of introspection.

For some people, this introspection can lead to confronting deeper emotional issues or acknowledging their loneliness.

But only if you let it happen!

Plus, a busy schedule gives you a temporary sense of purpose and direction. It offers a structured routine that, on the surface, appears fulfilling and meaningful. 

This temporary purpose acts as a buffer against the emptiness that loneliness often brings.

5) Having too many hobbies

Speaking of being busy, while hobbies are a healthy outlet, an excessive focus on them means you’re reluctant to address the deeper emotional need for companionship. 

That’s why, for some, hobbies become a way to fill the void temporarily.

Still, some hobbies are great for finding companionship. Pub quizzes, pickleball, and hiking (with others) are only some hobbies where you can meet new people and even romantic prospects if that’s what you’re after. 

But on the other side, there are many solitary hobbies that become a way to fill the void left by the absence of meaningful social connections.

Having an array of these hobbies makes it appear you have a full and engaging life. It becomes a way to project a busy and fulfilling lifestyle to others.

6) Focusing on superficial connections

Prioritizing a large number of acquaintances over deeper relationships also suggests a fear of intimacy. 

Superficial connections start serving as a buffer, preventing you from facing the potential pain of more meaningful relationships.

That’s because superficial connections require less emotional investment and vulnerability compared to deeper relationships. 

Fear of exposing your true self and the associated emotional risks leads many to opt for surface-level interactions.

You can control how much you’re sharing with these people, if anything. And if they start poking around too much, you can always cut them off and find someone else who isn’t as inquisitive. 

In these cases, people who are in denial about their loneliness are like CIA agents, but without any cool stuff like snooping around. 

Which brings us to the following:

7) Avoiding emotional conversations

Steering clear of deep, emotional discussions is another way of being in denial about loneliness and is a way to preserve a surface-level existence. 

Plus, sharing deep emotions and personal struggles made some feel exposed and vulnerable to judgment. 

But if you avoid emotional conversations, you protect yourself from potential criticism or negative perceptions from others.

The antidote to this is to be open and have honest conversations with people. Believe it or not, people don’t bite, and most people aren’t judgmental a-holes. 

You can also find likeminded people who you can click with more easily. So, why not connect through social media to make these platforms useful for something at least? 

8) Frequent changes in relationships

Jumping from one relationship to another without allowing time for the relationship to blossom can also suggest a fear of being alone. 

This constant pursuit of new connections is an attempt to avoid facing internal struggles.

Still, you might be thinking, how can I be lonely if I’m constantly in a relationship and meeting new people? 

Well, you see, loneliness and isolation are influenced by internal factors, emotional needs, and the depth of connections, and not only external factors.

Sure, you’re in relationships, but if they lack depth and meaningful communication, you can still feel emotionally isolated and even hopeless that you’ll never find “the one.” 

9) Denying feelings of isolation

Societal expectations and stigmas surrounding loneliness mean you’re denying these feelings. 

There’s also a fear of judgment from others or a concern about how admitting to loneliness might affect your social standing.

Actively rejecting or downplaying any admission of loneliness is therefore a coping mechanism, and admitting to loneliness, for some, is like an admission of vulnerability or failure.

I can definitely understand this as someone who guards my image carefully and who doesn’t like to be seen as a failure (even when I definitely was one). 

10) Excessive materialism

Relying on material possessions for happiness can also be an attempt to fill the emotional void with temporary pleasures. 

But, as we know, possessions give only a fleeting sense of fulfillment, and we never address the deeper need for connection.

We also get stuck in a neverending cycle of buying new things to satisfy this itch. This focus on obtaining and enjoying material things temporarily diverts attention from internal struggles or feelings of loneliness.

11) Self-deprecating humor

Using self-deprecating humor is yet another defense mechanism to deflect from genuine emotions. 

By making light of their situation, people are attempting to downplay their loneliness and avoid vulnerability.

Just look at the character of Chandler from Friends, but also the actor Matthew Perry who played the role. Both used self-deprecating humor to cope with their loneliness (and real-life addiction).

And, while things turned out great for Chandler, Matthew wasn’t as lucky, unfortunately. 

So, a constant reliance on humor allows some to deflect serious conversations about their emotions, creating a barrier between themselves and others.

But sooner or later, denying loneliness and other issues comes to bite them in the ass. 

Final thoughts

Dealing with loneliness takes time and involves thinking about yourself, talking to people, and making purposeful changes in your life.

Figure out why you feel lonely. Is it because you lack friends, deep connections, or just feel isolated?

My best advice to you is to focus on things you enjoy. Doing activities you love can help you meet people with similar interests.