If someone does these 8 things, they’re trying to manipulate you

When I first learned to recognize manipulation, it was a bitter pill to swallow.

Each and every time I’d been manipulated in the past suddenly came rushing back to me, bathed in a new light.

Dishonest ex-partners, money lost to strangers who had scammed me, and even ‘friends’ in childhood who weren’t really friends, it turned out. 

If I had known the signs of manipulation earlier on, I probably would have saved myself a world of pain. I also grieved the time and energy I lost that I could have given to those who deserved it more. 

But when I did realize, oh let me tell you – I dove headfirst down the rabbit hole of learning about manipulation tactics. 

I learned that manipulation can take many forms, ranging from covert (subtle) to overt (more obvious) tactics. It can be your partner, it can be a parent, a teacher – it can be anyone in your life that you trust.

Whether it occurs in personal relationships, the workplace, or any other facet of life, recognizing manipulation is essential for maintaining your autonomy and well-being.

In this article, I will help you be aware of the 8 common things that someone is trying to manipulate you will do:

1) Making you question your reality:

Also known as gaslighting. 

Gaslighting is a tactic in which the manipulator attempts to make you doubt your own thoughts, feelings, or perceptions.

One example is they might say or do something, then vehemently deny that they did it later. They might then accuse you of being the one to lie or fabricate this event.

In general, they will behave in ways that are hurtful, and try to twist the truth to make you the perpetrator in one way or another. 

They may also downplay your concerns or even accuse you of being overly sensitive or paranoid. 

This can be common in abusive or toxic relationships and serves to undermine your self-confidence. 

Gaslighting makes you question your reality, makes you a confused mess, and creates undue feelings of guilt and sometimes even pity toward the manipulator. 

Don’t fall for these tricks!

2) Trying to elicit your feelings of guilt:

Manipulators often use guilt-tripping as a powerful tool to control your actions and emotions. 

When I realized I was in an emotionally abusive and manipulative relationship, this tactic was often employed to try to keep me feeling too guilty to leave. 

I was made to feel bad for ‘abandoning’ him, therefore making it harder to assert my boundaries or do what I knew was best for me. The result was staying in that relationship for far longer than was good for my well-being. 

So if you notice someone saying or doing things to elicit your guilt, in order to gain something from you (even your time and energy), know that this is most probably a manipulation tactic. 

Some organizations or individuals use this tactic to get money from people as well – it’s not just something romantic partners do!

The emotional weight of guilt can often lead you to comply with their wishes, even if it’s against your own best interests.

3) Playing the victim:

In order for there to be guilt-tripping, there has to be a ‘victim’ – even if it’s a fake one.

Manipulators love to cast themselves in a pitiful light, often painting a picture of how they’ve been wronged or mistreated by others. 

It’s the perfect story to get what they want from you, which is sympathy, support, or special treatment. 

So how can you be more aware?

Be cautious when someone consistently portrays themselves as the victim in various situations, and pay attention to what they may be getting from others by doing so. 

Their victim story may be true or false, but the important thing is to note how they use it to gain something. 

Also, note that someone who feels like a true victim of an unfortunate situation doesn’t tend to bring up their trauma casually for external gain. 

4) Passive-aggressive behavior:

Passive-aggressive behavior can include sarcasm, backhanded compliments, or procrastination and are all in the emotional toolkits of manipulators. 

These tactics create tension and confusion, leaving you unsure of how to respond or unsure of yourself.

Sometimes, this leaves you wanting to gain their approval or affection even more, so you try even harder to win them over. 

Bad mistake, you’d be falling right into the manipulative trap they’ve set up. 

5) Giving you the silent treatment:

The silent treatment is an extension of passive-aggressive behavior and is also a classic manipulation tactic used by manipulators.

It’s not to be confused with when someone simply needs space or alone time to collect their thoughts. Knowing the difference can require contextual discernment, but usually, someone who simply needs space will say so. 

Manipulators, on the other hand, will suddenly withdraw communication and ignore any attempts to communicate with them, often taking on a passive-aggressive attitude. 

Doing so gains your attention, which can offer them a sense of control over you.

They leave you in a state of uncertainty, hoping to make you anxious, guilty, or desperate for their approval or attention. 

It’s a classic way to pull you into their hurricane of trickery!

6) Making you hooked on their affection:

Have you ever been in a relationship where sometimes, you felt like the luckiest person in the world?

Yet other times, you wondered if this was the same person you were just with.

Perhaps they showered you with excessive affection, compliments, attention, and gifts… but at other times, they would make you confused, disrespected, or even ignored.

This tactic, known as love-bombing, is used to create a sense of dependency on their affection and attention. It also may overwhelm your judgment. 

Once they have you emotionally hooked, they may gradually reveal their true manipulative nature.

7) Not being transparent:

Manipulators can withhold information to create an imbalance in the dynamic where they hold the upper hand.

By keeping important information or details from you, they keep you in a state of reliance on them to gain more details about something or use your lack of knowledge to their advantage.

This can occur in personal relationships or even in professional settings. 

By controlling the flow of information, they ensure you remain at a disadvantage, making you more susceptible to their influence.

8) Coercion:

Sometimes, when a manipulator doesn’t quite get what they want with all the other tactics we’ve covered, they’ll pull out their last weapons. 

Threats, ultimatums, and blackmail. 

Telling you to do or not do something, “or else”, is a form of coercion through threatening you. 

Humiliating you with information that should be kept private, because they didn’t get something they wanted from you, is blackmail and also a form of coercion.

Coercion can involve threats of physical harm, emotional harm, public humiliation, or the threat of ending a relationship. 

Such tactics are designed to make you prioritize their demands over your own well-being, through the fearful idea of them doing something worse to you.

This is one of the more obvious, overt tactics of manipulation. 

Conclusion:

Remember that although these behaviors are important to spot, you can trust your gut, too!

If something doesn’t feel right in a relationship or interaction, your intuition often serves as a warning system, alerting you to potential danger or a person’s ulterior motives.

Try to investigate any doubts or hunches further and take appropriate actions to become more aware or protect yourself, if you feel it’s necessary.

If you find yourself in a potentially manipulative situation, remember that it’s okay to seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals who can provide experienced guidance.

In the end, preparing yourself with knowledge about manipulation is not about becoming overly skeptical or mistrustful of others. It’s about fostering healthier, more genuine connections with those who respect and appreciate you for who you are. 

By recognizing and removing yourself from the hold of manipulation, you create space for more authentic relationships and a certainly more fulfilling life journey. 

You learn to protect yourself from being taken advantage of, so you can offer your generosity and kindness to those who deserve it. 

Stay vigilant, stay true to yourself, and never compromise your well-being for the sake of anyone else’s agenda.