If someone treats you in these 11 ways, they’re being condescending

Condescension is defined by the Cambridge Dictionary as “behavior that shows you think you’re more important or more intelligent than other people”. As an example, they use the sentence, “Their government has grown used to addressing them with a blend of condescension and contempt.” 

As you can imagine, it’s not much fun to be on the receiving end of it. At the same time, it can sometimes be difficult to spot it. Condescension can often be subtle, and it can even be purely conveyed through body language. 

That’s where today’s article comes in. I’m writing this one from the heart because this is something I’ve seen in action myself and I want to make sure that you’re treated with the respect that you deserve. 

And so without further ado, let’s take a look at how you can spot whether someone’s being condescending. 

1) They use a lot of sarcasm

It’s said that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but I’d argue that it shouldn’t even rank that high.

The occasional bit of sarcasm is fine, although you should be aware that it won’t always land. If people speak your language as a second or third language or if they have certain conditions such as autism, they might not even know that you’re being sarcastic.

And that’s really where the condescension comes in, because condescending people will use sarcasm all the time and rely on you not realizing they’re being sarcastic. That can leave the recipient in a weird place where they’re being talked down to and they don’t even realize it.

That’s one of the many reasons why I think sarcasm sucks.

2) They keep interrupting you

This one really depends upon how you’re having your conversation.

If you’re talking to someone on Zoom, for example, then they might not mean to keep interrupting you and they might just be struggling with a shoddy collection. If you’re in a busy atmosphere such as at a crowded bar, they might not have heard that you were talking.

But for the most part, if someone keeps on interrupting you then it’s a pretty sure sign that they don’t care about what you have to say. They also clearly don’t care about your feelings. If that’s the case, you might want to cut your relationship with them short, because it’s unlikely that they’re going to change.

As tempting as it can be, don’t fall into the trap of just interrupting them back. You’re better than that.

3) They roll their eyes or use similar facial expressions

If people display these kinds of non-verbal signals, it’s a good sign that they don’t respect you. And if they don’t respect you, there’s a good chance that they’re also condescending.

The important thing to note is that there are literally dozens of different facial expressions and non-verbal signals that people can display and which give away their condescension. It’s impossible to list everything to look out for, and so a lot of it will come down to the feel that you get from them.

Don’t be afraid to tap into (and to follow) your instincts. It’s not a very scientific way of thinking and it’s hard for me to teach you how to do it, but the more you do it, the better you’ll become.

In fact, if I could summarize this entire article in a single piece of advice, it would be that you should follow your intuition. If someone’s being condescending, you’ll know.

4) You can hear it in their tone of voice

We’ve talked about body language, so now let’s take a look at tone of voice.

You might have heard or been involved in an argument where someone said, “It’s not what you said, it’s the way you said it.” That’s exactly what we’re talking about here.

And so it’s entirely possible for someone to be condescending towards you while they’re actually saying something nice. That’s why you need to pay attention to the way people say things, as well as the words that come out of their mouth.

As with spotting condescending body language, it’s just something you have to constantly be on the lookout for.

5) They constantly correct you

This is one that I’m guilty of because whenever someone says something that’s factually incorrect, I feel compelled to correct them.

What I’ve learned is that I should only correct people when it’s important, such as in a professional setting where if the error isn’t corrected, time and resources will be wasted. If my girlfriend thinks the capital of Spain is Barcelona, it doesn’t matter.

There’s a big difference between someone correcting you once because they have to and someone repeatedly going out of their way to find mistakes with the things you’re saying. In the latter case, it’s likely that they’re being condescending and that they think that they’re better than you.

Spoiler alert: they’re not.

6) They belittle your skills and accomplishments

We all work hard for the things we achieve in life, and if someone’s going out of their way to belittle your achievements then there’s a good chance that they’re being condescending.

In fact, the solution here is one of two things – they’re either being condescending because they genuinely don’t think much of your accomplishments, or they’re jealous of them and they wish they’d accomplished those same things themselves.

Either way, screw ‘em.

The thing to remember about your skills and your accomplishments is that you’re doing them for yourself and not for anyone else. If people belittle your achievements then let it bounce off you like water from a duck’s back.

7) They go out of their way to mock people

In the last point, we talked about people going out of their way to belittle people. In this one, we’re looking at them going out of their way to mock them.

Either way, it’s unnecessary and unpleasant at best and downright condescending at worse. You don’t even need to be on the receiving end of the mockery to feel negatively affected by it. In fact, I’ve actively stopped spending time with some people because of their propensity for mocking people.

Not everyone who mocks people will be condescending towards the people they’re mocking, but a lot of them will. You’ll want to look out for a lot of those verbal and non-verbal cues that we talked about earlier.

And it should go without saying that you should avoid mocking people yourself.

8) They talk slowly as if the person can’t understand them

I make it a rule to never talk slowly unless the person asks me to.

There are times when it can be helpful, such as if someone doesn’t speak the language you’re using as their first language. It can also work well if you’re talking about something technical or issuing a series of instructions for them to follow.

But if someone talks slowly to you by default, there’s a good chance that it’s a sign of their disrespect for you. This is especially true if you notice that they don’t talk slowly when they’re talking to other people.

The bottom line is that it’s rarely a good idea to talk slowly. That’s why I have that rule of mine.

9) They question your decisions

Have you ever worked with someone who constantly questions your decisions?

It’s infuriating, and it also makes it much harder for you and your team to actually do anything. Instead of hopping to it and working on whatever it was that you asked them to do, they’ll come up with questions like, “Are you sure?” And, “What about doing it this way?”

This is another one of those where an occasional question is fine. The real problems come in if they’re doing it constantly, especially if they’re undermining your authority by doing so. If that’s the case, consider sitting the person down for a conversation where you ask them to stop.

You’ll be able to judge from the way they respond whether they’re being condescending or not.

10) They use passive-aggressive language

No one likes passive aggression. It’s just one of those things that brings negativity to everyone in question.

Passive aggression is defined as “behavior that’s seemingly innocuous, accidental or neutral but that directly displays an unconscious aggressive motive”. An example could be a child who’s been told to tidy their room but who puts it off by coming up with every excuse not to do it that they can think of.

People can be passive aggressive for all sorts of reasons, with one of those being that they’re condescending. Unfortunately, it’s all too easy to respond in kind and to fight fire with fire. Whatever you do, don’t stoop to that level.

With a bit of luck, this one won’t come up, but you’ll still want to make sure that you’re on the lookout.

11) They don’t show interest in other people’s opinions

Condescending people don’t care what you think. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

That’s because they typically have an artificially high opinion of themselves, and in fact they often display similar characteristics to narcissists.

They’ll often give themselves away because they’ll be uninterested in anything you have to bring to the table, even if you’re more knowledgeable about a subject than they are.

They’ll also typically assume that your opinions aren’t backed by facts or experience and act as though your opinions don’t hold as much weight as their own. The whole point of opinions is that they’re subjective, but they forget that.

And so the next time someone acts as though your opinion is invalid, double check that they’re not also being condescending. You might be surprised.