If someone uses these 10 phrases, they’re trying to deceive you

We’ve all been there: a casual conversation turns into a game of “is this person being honest with me?” 

While deception is a complex dance of verbal and non-verbal cues, there are certain phrases that many deceivers tend to use. 

This isn’t about fostering mistrust, but rather, equipping ourselves with the knowledge to make informed decisions. 

Drawing from concepts of persuasion and deception, let’s look at 10 phrases that might raise your eyebrows.

1) “To be honest…” or “Honestly…”

You know, I’ve always been wary of this one. 

My aunt used to start her sentences with “to be honest” every time she wanted to mask her real feelings or hide a little white lie. 

The irony of this phrase is that it tries to emphasize honesty, but it’s often used when the opposite is at play.

Overly stressing honesty is a way to overcompensate for a lie that’s about to be told. So, next time someone overemphasizes their honesty, it might be a cue to dig a little deeper.

2) “I don’t want to say…” or “I shouldn’t really tell you this, but…”

These phrases aim to make the receiver feel privileged or special because they’re being let in on a ‘secret.’

In reality, it’s a manipulation tactic. The person using the phrase tries to create an illusion of intimacy or trustworthiness. 

They want you to think they’re confiding in you when they might actually be steering the conversation in a certain direction or attempting to hide something else. 

It’s a subtle game of smoke and mirrors.

3) “I swear on my [loved one’s name or grave]…”

It’s unsettling when someone brings a loved one, especially someone who’s passed away, into a conversation to validate their truthfulness. 

The intent is to strengthen their statement’s perceived authenticity. 

However, when you’re familiar with deception, you’ll notice how people who are being truthful usually don’t feel the need to bolster their statements with such heavy emotional anchors. 

They let facts speak for themselves. 

Swearing on someone’s grave or invoking a loved one’s name might be an indicator that there’s more beneath the surface than they’re letting on.

4) “It’s just that…”

This one takes me back to my college days. I had a friend, Jake, who had a knack for justifying almost anything. 

Missed deadlines, forgotten promises, and even why he’d taken my favorite jacket without asking. 

Every explanation began with “It’s just that…” It became a running joke in our group. 

But looking back, I realize it was his way of downplaying mistakes and diverting blame. 

“It’s just that” is often a precursor to an excuse or an attempt to minimize a situation. When used frequently, it’s worth asking what’s being left unsaid.

5) “I would never…”

Proclaiming what one would “never” do is a defensive tactic. 

When people are accused or even slightly confronted about something, they might jump into an over-defensive mode, emphasizing their supposed moral high ground. 

The point here is to create distance from an act or thought, whether they committed it or not. 

In the realm of deception, “I would never” can often be translated to “I hope you never find out I did.” 

Keep an ear out for this one; it might be a sign that there’s more to the story.

6) “Trust me, I’ve been there…”

This phrase, although seeming empathetic at face value, can sometimes be used to sidestep the necessity of proving one’s point. 

By invoking shared experience, the person aims to establish credibility without offering concrete evidence. 

While it’s possible the individual genuinely relates, it’s also a common tactic to foster a false sense of camaraderie and trust. 

A co-worker once used this line on me, trying to offer advice about a project she had no experience in. 

Digging a little deeper, I discovered she hadn’t “been there” at all. Always ensure that the shared experience they reference is genuine and relevant.

7) “I heard from somewhere that…”

The vagueness of this phrase is its true hallmark. 

By not pinpointing a specific source, the individual is using ambiguity to shield themselves from responsibility for the information they’re sharing. 

It’s a way to share potentially false information while having an escape route if confronted. 

I remember when my cousin tried to sell me on a too-good-to-be-true investment. 

“I heard from somewhere that this is the next big thing,” he said. Turns out, that “somewhere” was a very questionable online forum. 

Always ask for specifics when this phrase pops up.

8) “Trust me, I’ve done my research.”

Now, this doesn’t mean every person who says they’ve done their research is trying to deceive you. But it’s how and when they use this phrase that matters. 

If it’s used to shut down questions or further discussion, that’s a potential warning sign. True research welcomes scrutiny and discussion. 

But if someone uses this phrase as an end-all statement without providing any backing or getting defensive when asked for sources, it’s worth taking their claim with a grain of skepticism.

9) “Everyone knows that…”

When someone uses a sweeping generalization like “everyone knows,” it’s often an attempt to lend weight to their statement without providing any real evidence. 

By suggesting that everyone is in agreement or that the information is common knowledge, they’re hoping you won’t question it further. 

However, true facts and genuine statements rarely need such broad assertions.

I once attended a seminar where the speaker kept using this phrase to back up his arguments. It felt like he was relying more on assumed consensus than actual data. 

By the end, I realized that most of what “everyone knows” wasn’t backed by any real evidence at all.

10) “It’s not about the money.”

Ah, the age-old phrase often heard in negotiations or when someone’s trying to persuade another of their non-materialistic intentions. 

While this might be true in some cases, more often than not, it’s a deflection. 

When someone emphasizes that something isn’t about the money, especially in scenarios where finances are relevant, they might be trying to divert attention from hidden interests.

It reminds me of a time when a friend kept insisting on a joint business venture.

“It’s not about the money; it’s the experience,” she said. 

But when we delved deeper, the skewed profit split said otherwise. 

It’s always a good idea to watch actions more than words.

How to detect deception quickly

Unmasking deception, especially in today’s age where words can be so craftily wielded, is no small feat. 

But, equipped with knowledge and a keen sense of observation, it becomes possible to navigate through the maze of misleading words and actions.

Observe non-verbal cues

Human beings communicate a lot through body language. If someone’s words and their body language are not in sync, that’s a red flag. 

For instance, if someone is assuring you of their honesty while avoiding eye contact or shifting uneasily, it might be a sign of deceit. 

In professional circles, it’s often said that the body reveals what the mouth conceals.

Question the details

A deceptive individual might give a vague account or skip over essential details. 

By probing and asking for specific information about the story they’re telling, you force them to construct more and more of the narrative. 

Lies can become harder to maintain with increased detail, and inconsistencies may start to emerge.

Change the topic suddenly

This is a neat trick I’ve learned during my years as a journalist. 

When you abruptly switch topics in the middle of a conversation, a truthful person will generally follow along without much issue. 

Someone who’s fabricating a story, however, might become flustered or try to steer the conversation back, as they’re mentally prepared and fixated on their lie.

Listen for overemphasis

Deceptive people often overemphasize particular points, hoping to make you believe them. 

Statements like “I swear to God” or “Honestly” can sometimes be used to add false weight to their words. 

Remember, the truth usually stands on its own without the need for such emphasis.

Check for emotional consistency

Emotions can betray even the best of liars. 

If someone’s emotional reactions seem off—like they’re overly calm during a supposed crisis or overly animated about a minor issue—it’s worth taking note.

Ask them to repeat the story

Memories of real events tend to be stable over time. 

If you ask someone to recount an incident multiple times, a truthful account will generally remain consistent, while a fabricated story might change in its telling. 

I remember catching a friend in a lie using this technique. The sequence of events in her story changed with each retelling, revealing the deception.

Standing firm in the face of deception

I remember multiple times when I was swayed by smooth words, only to find out I’d been misled. This has been done by so many different people in my life.

The sting of betrayal isn’t easily forgotten. Yet, over time, I’ve realized that these encounters provide valuable lessons. 

They taught me the importance of trust, but also the necessity of vigilance. 

In facing deception, it’s crucial to trust your instincts, constantly seek clarity, and remember that it’s okay to ask questions. 

Guarding ourselves isn’t about being cynical; it’s about being wise. 

As we face potential deceit, let’s remind ourselves to stand strong, learn continuously, and most importantly, ensure that our own words and actions remain authentic and true.