If you display these 8 behaviors, you’re being emotionally unavailable without realizing it

We all navigate our emotional landscapes differently, but sometimes, we may put up walls without even realizing it.

You might look back on your relationships and see a repeating pattern of distance or detachment, or feel uncertain if your emotional responses are typical or not.

How do you know if what you’re demonstrating are signs of being emotionally unavailable, or just the normal ebb and flow of human connection?

I’ve compiled a list of 8 behaviors that could reflect emotional unavailability.

If these behaviors seem familiar, it might be time to explore some hidden emotional blockages.

1. You Avoid Deep Conversations Like the Plague

Do you find yourself instinctively steering conversations away from topics that require emotional investment?

Maybe you feel a sense of unease creeping in when discussions start to skim the surface of feelings, personal histories, or future plans.

Instead, you might veer towards safer, surface-level topics, like discussing the weather or last night’s TV shows.

Avoiding deep conversations is one major signpost of emotional unavailability.

It’s not just about disliking “serious” talks — it’s more about an instinctive dodge, a protective move to avoid vulnerability.

If this sounds like you, it might be indicative of a deeper, subconscious fear of emotional exposure.

2. You’re a Master of Deflection

When the spotlight starts to focus on your feelings, do you swiftly change the topic or make a joke to lighten the mood?

This is another common behavior of emotionally unavailable individuals.

It’s not that you can’t be serious; it’s that you choose not to be when it comes to matters of the heart.

Being a master of deflection is more than just being a good conversationalist.

It’s about using humor, sarcasm, or changing the subject as a shield against emotional intimacy.

This defense mechanism might feel like a safety net, but it can also keep you from forming deeper, meaningful connections with others.

If you’re often deflecting, it could be a sign that you’re uncomfortable with revealing your authentic emotions.

3. You Struggle with Expressing Your Feelings

Have you ever found it difficult to articulate your feelings, even when you want to?

This has been a personal struggle of mine. I remember a specific instance when a dear friend asked me how I felt about a recent breakup.

Instead of expressing the whirlwind of emotions I was experiencing – the sadness, the confusion, the fear – I shrugged it off and said, “I’m fine, really.”

In reality, I was far from fine.

But expressing those feelings felt like standing on the edge of a cliff, gazing into an abyss of vulnerability. I chose to retreat instead of taking that leap.

Struggling to express your feelings can be another telltale sign of emotional unavailability.

It’s not about lacking emotion; it’s about the fear or discomfort that comes with sharing these emotions.

If you often find yourself in similar situations where you bottle up your feelings instead of expressing them, it might be time to examine why that is.

4. You Tend to Keep Relationships Casual

Are you the type who prefers casual relationships over committed ones?

This could be another sign of emotional unavailability.

Individuals who are emotionally unavailable often prefer short-term flings or non-committal relationships.

This allows them to enjoy the positive aspects of a relationship without the deeper emotional investment and potential for hurt that come with a committed relationship.

This behavior can also extend to friendships.

You might find yourself avoiding close friendships, instead favoring acquaintances or casual friends.

5. You’re Often Seen as “Too Independent”

There’s no denying that independence is a valuable quality.

But like with most things in life, too much of a good thing can be problematic.

For example, I’ve always prided myself on my self-reliance, my ability to stand on my own two feet.

But it was during a conversation with a close friend that I started to see this independence in a different light.

My friend confided in me about feeling left out of my life, like I didn’t need her.

It struck me hard; I realized that my fierce independence wasn’t just about self-sufficiency. It was also a way for me to keep people at arm’s length, to avoid relying on others emotionally.

Being overly independent can be another sign of emotional unavailability. It might be disguised as self-reliance, but in reality, it’s a defense mechanism to prevent others from getting too close.

6. You Often Feel Overwhelmed in Emotional Situations

Does the thought of dealing with emotional situations make you feel overwhelmed?

Do you find yourself wanting to escape or shut down when emotions run high?

This is a common response among those who are emotionally unavailable. 

The intensity of emotions can feel like too much to handle, leading to a desire for emotional distance.

It’s not so much about the inability to handle emotions, but more about the discomfort and unease that comes with them. 

7. You Struggle with Commitment

Commitment can be scary for anyone, but if you find yourself consistently avoiding or struggling with it, you might be dealing with emotional unavailability.

This struggle can manifest in various ways – from avoiding labels in relationships, to backing out of plans, to hesitating to make long-term decisions.

The root of this behavior often lies in the fear of being emotionally bound or vulnerable.

It’s less about the commitment itself and more about what it symbolically represents – a deep emotional connection.

If you often find commitment challenging, it might be time to explore why that is.

8. You’re Uncomfortable with Others’ Emotions

Finally, being uncomfortable with others’ emotions can also be a sign of emotional unavailability.

It’s not just about struggling with your own emotions; sometimes, dealing with others’ feelings can be equally challenging.

You might find yourself withdrawing or becoming uneasy when someone else is expressing strong emotions.

This discomfort often stems from not knowing how to respond or fearing that responding might lead to a deeper emotional connection than you’re comfortable with.

If you often feel uncomfortable or unsure when faced with others’ emotions, it could be a sign of emotional unavailability.

In Conclusion

Being emotionally distant can sometimes happen without us realizing it.

If you recognize these signs in yourself, it’s essential to take steps to change.

To stop being emotionally unavailable, consider opening up more in conversations, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, seeking deeper relationships, and understanding the value of emotional connections.

It might also help to talk to someone you trust about your feelings or consider professional counseling.

Remember, everyone has the capacity to connect deeply with others; it just takes effort and understanding to break down the walls we’ve built.