If you expect these 8 things in a man, your standards are too high

Looking for the perfect guy? You know, the one who’s super good-looking, rich, funny, sweet? Oh, and must also love dogs.

Sounds great, right? But wait a sec…is that realistic?

It’s good to know what you want in a partner, but sometimes our ‘dream guy’ checklist can get a little too dreamy. 

When that happens, we can miss out on some great guys who don’t tick every box but are still awesome.

So, do you think your standards could do with a little reality check?

Here are 8 things you might be expecting in a man that could indicate your overly high standards. 

1) The six-figure salary

Let’s get the big one out of the way first – money. It’s nice to fantasize about a man who’s not only charming and handsome but also pulls in a whopping six-figure salary. 

Money can bring a certain level of comfort and security, and that’s totally okay to want. But – it does come at a cost (pun intended).

I once dated a guy who made a lot more money than me. On paper, he ticked that ‘financially stable’ box neatly. 

Yet, there was a problem. We were never on the same page about spending and saving, which caused a lot of tension. Moreover, his busy schedule to maintain his hefty paycheck left us with little quality time.

I’m not saying dating a high earner is a no-go. I’m saying it’s important to remember that a hefty paycheck doesn’t automatically equate to a successful relationship. What matters more is financial compatibility and shared values about money.

So instead of focusing solely on the size of his wallet, look for a man who’s financially responsible, has similar monetary values as you, and is generous not just with his money, but with his time and love too. 

2) The Hollywood Hunk looks

When I was younger and making my list of things I wanted my future husband to have, I had “must look like Henry Cavill” on it. 

I mean, while we’re dreaming, might as well dream big, right? 

Of course, now that I’m older (and wiser – I think), I know just how overrated looks are and how little a role they play in the strength of a relationship. 

I’m not saying it’s unimportant; there does have to be a certain level of attraction between us and our partners. 

But to expect them to look like the Hollywood stars we see on the screen? That’s kind of unrealistic. 

Plus, looks fade. You might indeed get a partner who could pass a hunk screen test, but once the initial spark fades, you’ll see just how little those looks matter. 

What matters more, then? Here’s a quick checklist for you: 

• Shared interests: Do you enjoy doing the same activities or hobbies? Shared interests can fuel a lot of fun times together.

• Intellectual compatibility: Can you have deep, engaging conversations with him? A mental connection can be even more attractive than a physical one.

• Emotional connection: Do you feel understood and valued? The emotional bond is what turns a relationship into a lasting partnership.
• Values and goals: Do your life goals and values align? This can determine if your relationship is headed towards a shared future.

Good looks might make your heart race, but it’s these deeper aspects that make a relationship truly fulfilling. 

3) The jack-of-all-trades skills

Do you want a man who: 

• Can fix a leaky faucet…
• Cook a gourmet meal…
• Play a romantic serenade on the guitar…
• Write you a poem…
• Keep up with the latest trends…
• Be your personal therapist?

Hmm…requiring all those skills in one person is a little unrealistic, don’t you think? 

If you do find one, that’s fantastic.

But here’s a little secret: it’s not essential. Having a man who can do everything might sound great, but it can also put a lot of pressure on him to keep proving himself.

The thing is, everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. 

I’d love a man who can do all of those things above, too. But the one I got? 

He doesn’t know how to play a single musical instrument and has woefully outdated clothes in his closet. He doesn’t even know the difference between a sonnet and an elegy. 

And yet, I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather be with! 

My point is, instead of looking for a man who can do it all, look for one who’s willing to grow, learn, and work as a team. That’s the real deal!

4) Constant romance

Who doesn’t love a grand romantic gesture? Those surprise getaways, candlelit dinners, or unexpected gifts that make you feel like the star of your own rom-com. 

But here’s the thing, life isn’t a movie and expecting constant romance can set you up for disappointment.

I had a boyfriend who started with grand gestures, but as the relationship progressed, the gestures became less frequent. 

At first, I felt let down, until I realized that our quieter moments of shared laughter and comfort were just as meaningful.

So stop expecting non-stop romance. Appreciate the small, everyday moments of connection. A shared joke, a comforting hug, or even a loving text can be just as valuable in showing love and affection.

5) 24/7 availability

Just as it’s unrealistic to expect a man to always be romantic, it’s also too much to expect him to always be at your beck and call.

The notion that a man should instantly reply to every text, or spend all his spare time with you might be setting the bar too high. 

We all juggle various roles—careers, friendships, family ties, personal interests, and it’s vital to keep these alive while in a relationship. 

Value a man who skillfully balances his responsibilities, and carves out meaningful, quality moments for you. 

After all, a balanced lifestyle contributes to a healthy, happy relationship.

6) The perfect charmer

Do you expect your guy to be the absolute social butterfly? Able to charm everyone in the room, make friends effortlessly, and always know the right thing to say at the right time? 

That would certainly be someone you can feel confident bringing to any social gathering. But the problem is, not everyone is naturally extroverted or a master conversationalist.

In fact, even extroverts have their off days, too.

Plus, a word of caution: Just because he’s a natural charmer doesn’t mean he’s always sincere. When you think about it, aren’t con artists natural charmers, too? 

So, let’s bring it down a notch with a more balanced perspective:

• Respectfulness: Does he treat others with respect and kindness? This is a much better measure of character than the ability to charm a crowd.

• Comfort in social situations: Can he handle social situations without getting overly anxious or uncomfortable? He doesn’t need to be the life of the party, just comfortable enough to engage.

• Interest in others: Does he show interest in getting to know others and listening to their stories? This is a sign of empathy and compassion, which are key to good relationships.

Ultimately, what matters is how he treats you and others around him. Good conversation and mutual respect are much more meaningful than a dazzling social performance.

7) Constant protection

Some people dream about a man who’s always there to protect and rescue them. Sure, it’s good to have a partner who’s got your back. 

But the reality is, we all need to deal with our own problems most of the time. It’s also important to have one who knows you can handle things on your own. 

This is one of the things I appreciate most in my husband. He’s there whenever I need him, but he also believes in my ability to figure things out and look after myself. So, I get the best of both worlds – independence and support! 

After all, we’re pretty awesome, too, with or without a man to tell us that!

8) Mind-reading

I’m pretty sure we’ve all been guilty of this one at some point in our lives. We want our partners to plan the perfect date, to know exactly what we want, to understand what we’re saying with our eyes…

News flash: men are not psychics (unless they really are by profession). So, it’s completely unrealistic to expect them to read our mind! 

Good communication will always trump guessing games. Be upfront about what you want, and if he’s open to listening and understanding, then maybe you’ve got a keeper. 

Final thoughts

So, how did your checklist measure up? Do you need to adjust them a bit? 

One thing to keep in mind here is that it’s not about lowering your standards or settling for less. 

It’s about distinguishing between the ideals served up in movies and novels, and the real, tangible qualities that build a strong, healthy relationship.

In the end, it’s not the perfection of a man that matters, but his authenticity, his values, his character, and how he treats you. 

And believe it or not, there’s a certain charm in embracing the imperfections. After all, that’s what makes love real.