If you find these 8 things exhausting, you may have low social energy

Growing up watching sitcoms like ‘Friends,’ I gained the belief that having a busy social life is fun and energizing. 

But as I got older, I realized I felt exhausted after days out with friends and needed a week (or more) to recover from a girl’s holiday.

Once I started exploring the world of self-knowledge, I quickly realized there was a reason for this social exhaustion.

I was an introvert.

For me, social events deplete me rather than uplift me. 

But as they say, knowledge is power. Now I know I have low social energy, I’ve learned what I need to minimize and avoid to prevent feeling overwhelmed and irritable. 

If my story sounds familiar, you may have low social energy too. While everyone is different, people who suffer from social exhaustion typically find these 8 things draining.

1) Crowds

I’ve hated being in crowds for as long as I can remember. 

I never understood why my friends would seek out busy places. You know, that club that is so full you can hardly move. Or the tourist attraction where you have to queue for hours to get inside.

I would avoid these places like the plague. 

I’m the type of person to:

• Seek out the quietest spot on the beach
• Search for a near-empty train carriage
• Opt for the lesser-known attractions when visiting a new city.

Not because I hate being around people, I just find it exhausting. If you also can’t think of anything worse than a packed music festival, you likely have low social energy too.

2) Parties

Of course, a party is one of the most crowded social situations you will encounter. 

While extroverts are in their element here, you’ll find introverts chatting with one (like-minded) person in a quiet corner.

However, even if you limit the people you socialize with at a party, the environment itself can be exhausting for people with low social energy. 

So if that’s you, you’re likely always looking for ways to politely turn down an invitation and get out of a family gathering. 

3) Small talk

I want to stress that it is not just large groups that can be exhausting for introverts. 

Meaningless conversation (i.e., small talk) with a neighbor or colleague can be just as draining.

How?

There are two reasons:

1) These conversations feel forced and fake. 

2) Small talk disrupts our much-needed alone time.

According to a 2016 study published in the Journal of Personality, the average person feels fatigued after 3 hours of social interaction. But for introverts, this is much less, so we must choose our daily interactions wisely.

The chatty old lady on the bus who wants to talk about the weather may have good intentions. But for us, it can disrupt our much-needed downtime, requiring more time to recharge than before. 

This leads me to another everyday occurrence that can hinder our short social battery… 

4) Lunch with coworkers

Picture this:

You’re sitting quietly in an empty break room enjoying your sandwich and a good book when the office’s social butterfly walks in, sits down, and immediately starts telling you all about her day.

If this situation makes you contract inside and wish you were invisible, guess what? 

You probably have a short social battery.

So what should you do?

While it can feel uncomfortable, setting boundaries is crucial for anyone with low social energy. 

This is because socializing, in general, is scientifically proven to cause tiredness 2-3 hours later. So a highly social lunch can result in energy slumps mid-afternoon.

Sure, the office social butterfly might think you are strange, but politely telling them you prefer to eat in silence will help to preserve your energy for the rest of the day.

Here’s another work situation that can leave you drained…

5) Group interviews and team meetings

Have you ever been invited for a job interview only to turn up and find it’s a group one? 

If your first instinct is to run a mile when this happens, you may have low social energy.

Even if you don’t suffer from social anxiety, group interviews and team meetings can be extremely draining. 

In these situations, we often have to work hard to make ourselves stand out, and usually, it’s the loudest, most talkative ones that do.

While this might fire up an extrovert, competing for the boss’s or potential employer’s attention quickly zaps the energy of someone with a shorter social battery. 

6) Unexpected phone calls

If you have low social energy, it’s likely not only face-to-face interaction that tires you out. 

Long phone calls can also be draining, especially if it’s a friend or family member on the line complaining about their life.

It’s not that you don’t want to be a good friend. But an unexpected and long-winded phone call can quickly zap your energy, just as a person starting a conversation in the street can. 

If you have low social energy, I recommend scheduling time for phone calls. This will give you ample time to recharge before and after, preventing burnout and exhaustion. 

If you have a friend or family member who always calls you out of the blue, don’t be afraid to:

• Decline the call
• Send them a message to say you are currently unavailable
• Propose a time to talk that works for you.

Along with phone calls, another thing that can be exhausting is constantly responding to these…

7) Message notifications 

Instant messaging is on the rise both in personal and work life. While this can make communicating easier, for an introvert, it can cause a whole load of anxiety and stress.

Why?

Because responding to a message or email requires social energy, just like answering a question to a colleague sitting next to you does.

If you have an inbox full of requests, inquiries, and questions, you’ll likely feel drained and irritable by the time you’ve worked your way through them.

Likewise, group chats on Whatsapp and Facebook can drain your energy and lead to social media fatigue. 

A research report published in the ​​International Journal of Information Management looked into the causes of social media fatigue. They found it is triggered by fast-paced online communication (such as multiple people replying in a group chat) combined with FOMO (fear of missing out).

Because of this, trying to keep up with everyones messages can be just as tiring as being involved in a real-life group conversation.

So, if you feel anxious or stressed when you see many notification icons on your phone, this could be a sign that you have low social energy.

8) A busy schedule

As introverts lose social energy quicker than extroverts, they tend to find busy schedules more challenging and tiring.

Think about it.

If you spend your day running from one place to another, chances are you are having lots of small interactions with people along the way, such as:

• Greeting the taxi driver
• Exchanging a few words with the bank cashier 
• Ordering a coffee from Starbucks 

These are all mini-social interactions that, for an introvert, add up. The more you have in your day, the quicker your battery depletes.

If you get an overwhelming sense of exhaustion after a busy day, your low social tolerance could be why.

Final thoughts

If you find these things exhausting, chances are you have a shortened social battery, and so, socializing depletes you quicker than most people.

As an introvert with low social energy, I’ve found the best way to prevent a “dead social battery” is to choose your social interactions wisely.

While everyone is different, a coffee with a good friend is typically much less exhausting than a night out with a large group of peers. 

So, determine the events that drain you the most and minimize them. This may require you to set boundaries, like telling your needy friend they can’t call you every day.

Lastly, prioritize alone time and schedule plenty of it after social events, as this will recharge your battery.

Take a hike alone, go on a silent retreat, or switch your phone off for a day. Do whatever you need to protect your energy.