If you live by these 7 rules, you’ll never lose sight of your self-worth

I’ve been living by my own rules—apart from a few brief deviations—for most of my adult life.

Yet, as an adult who chooses to follow these rules—and is content with doing so—I often find myself having to defend my choices.

This defense comes into play during social events when casual chitchat inevitably turns into a probing discussion about why I live the way that I do.

It comes from well-meaning family members who, though they love me, can’t fathom why I don’t follow the typical path laid out by society.

It comes from friends who have chosen different rules and can’t help but wonder whether I really want to live by these rules forever.

Despite this constant need for justification, I often find myself questioning why it is that I’m the one who has to defend my choice to live by these specific rules.

I believe there’s too much societal pressure on individuals to conform and follow the ‘accepted’ ways of living. This pressure often leads many people down paths they may not truly want or be comfortable with, based on expectations that are difficult to meet.

In this article, I aim to convince you that there is no shame in choosing to live by your own rules, just as there’s no shame in following society’s rules. I’ll do this by outlining 7 rules that have helped me maintain sight of my self-worth.

1) Embrace imperfection

This was a rule that took me a while to fully grasp.

The pursuit of “perfection” is often instilled in us from a young age.

We’re taught that to excel, we must strive for flawlessness in everything we do. But the reality is, this pursuit of perfection is a fallacy that can deter us from recognizing our true self-worth.

Allow me to elaborate.

Consider your life as it stands right now. Not everything is perfect, and that’s okay.

Every mistake you’ve made, every flaw you have, contributes to who you are as a person. The world continues to turn, regardless of your imperfections.

If you’re going to truly value yourself, it’s fundamental to understand and accept that you are beautifully imperfect.

It’s essential to let go of the illusion of perfection that society often pushes upon us.

Perfection doesn’t exist. What does exist is growth, learning, and progress – all of which are born out of imperfection.

2) Success isn’t linear

This is a concept that many of us struggle to accept.

We’re often taught to view success as a straight line.

A direct path from point A to point B. We’re told that if we work hard, follow the rules, and stay on the straight and narrow, success is guaranteed.

However, in reality, this isn’t how success works at all.

Real success comes from recognizing and accepting the fluctuations of life.

When you try to “stay on track” all the time, you give too much power to the concept of linear progression.

You relinquish your instinctive power.

Now, I give less importance to the idea of a straight path towards success.

Some days I make great strides, other days I stumble and fall.

I don’t let this discourage me anymore.

3) Comparison is a trap

You might tell yourself that comparing your progress to others’ is a way to motivate yourself, but after a while, you may find yourself feeling inadequate because of someone else’s achievements.

You might even find yourself on the receiving end of comparisons, with others measuring their success against yours.

Few self-esteem structures are robust enough to withstand this kind of scrutiny.

Comparison often shows up in our lives, but when you willingly put yourself in a position to compare your life with others, you set yourself up for disappointment.

Also, it’s vital to question the role of comparison in your life.

Maybe you are comparing because you feel insecure about your own accomplishments.

Often, we chastise ourselves for comparing, as though it’s something we shouldn’t do.

Maybe it’s time to acknowledge these feelings. They may be a sign that you need to focus more on your own journey and less on others’.

4) Self-compassion is key

In my own experience, I often find myself immersed in my career.

I become preoccupied with the next big goal or milestone I’m aiming to achieve.

My intentions are good. I believe in personal growth and the pursuit of success.

But when I become so consumed, I might fall into the habit of thinking my ambitions are more important than my own well-being.

Friendships might take a backseat. I might become irritable and perhaps not the best company to be around.

If I evaluated myself solely on my intentions, I wouldn’t question my behavior.

Instead, because I don’t focus only on my intentions, I can better reflect on my actions and adjust my behavior. I’m learning to pause, to take a step back, and to treat myself with kindness and compassion.

How you treat yourself is what truly matters, not the intentions that drive your behavior. Self-compassion is pivotal in maintaining sight of your self-worth.

5) Failure is a stepping stone

This is a rule I’ve come to understand through personal experience.

I remember a specific instance early in my career. I was working on a project that was particularly important to me.

I’d poured countless hours into it, believing it to be the breakthrough moment in my professional journey.

When the project eventually failed, I was devastated.

It felt like a massive blow to my self-worth. I questioned my abilities and wondered if I was truly cut out for the path I’d chosen.

But as time passed, I began to see that failure in a different light. It wasn’t an indication of my worth or abilities.

Instead, it was a stepping stone, an essential part of my journey toward success.

That failure taught me valuable lessons that no success ever could. It made me resilient, adaptable, and more determined than ever. It was painful, yes, but it was also enlightening.

6) Self-worth isn’t about external validation

Our society often equates success and worth with external markers like wealth, status, or power.

It’s a notion that is deeply ingrained in our collective consciousness, shaping our perceptions and beliefs about self-worth.

Here’s the crucial point:

This rule encourages us to shift our focus from external validation to internal validation. To understand that our worth isn’t defined by what we have, but who we are.

For those struggling with feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness, turning inwards and recognizing their intrinsic value can provide a sense of empowerment.

It’s a reminder that we are more than the sum of our achievements or possessions.

Understanding that self-worth isn’t about external validation allows us to see ourselves as inherently valuable, fostering a sense of self-respect and self-acceptance.

7) Embrace vulnerability

In a world that often equates vulnerability with weakness, we tend to build walls and hide our true selves. We’re afraid that showing our true feelings and fears will make us look weak or inadequate.

Here’s the paradox:

Embracing vulnerability is actually a sign of strength. It takes courage to be open about our feelings, to admit our fears, and to acknowledge our mistakes.

It’s in these moments of vulnerability that we truly understand our worth. When we allow ourselves to be seen as we are, without pretense or facade, we embrace our genuine selves.

Embracing vulnerability doesn’t mean surrendering to fear or negativity.

Instead, it means acknowledging these feelings as a part of our human experience and understanding that they don’t define our worth.

Being open and vulnerable might seem scary, but it’s a crucial step towards accepting ourselves as we are and recognizing our inherent worth.

Bottom line: It’s a personal journey

The complexities of self-worth and self-esteem often have deep-rooted connections with our personal experiences and perspectives.

One such connection is the relationship between our actions, thoughts, and the perception of our self-worth.

This relationship, prevalent in many of us, plays a pivotal role in various aspects of our lives.

For those seeking to maintain sight of their self-worth, these 7 rules might serve as a guiding light. They could potentially foster a sense of acceptance and contentment when we navigate the complexities of life.

Whether it’s embracing imperfection, refraining from comparison, or acknowledging that success isn’t linear, the underlying principle remains the same – our worth is inherent and unchangeable.

As we journey through life, these rules might provide us with a framework to fall back on. A reminder that we are enough just as we are. Our worth isn’t defined by external validation but by our understanding and acceptance of ourselves.

In the end, maintaining sight of our self-worth is an ongoing process – a personal journey that each one of us embarks on.

And while the path may differ for each individual, the destination remains the same – a deep-seated belief in our inherent value.