If you notice someone doing these 10 things, they might be trying to manipulate you

I think manipulation is more commonplace than we’d like to think.

That doesn’t mean everyone is a complete narcissist or a total psychopath, weaving their calculated webs of manipulation.

It’s more the reality that we all like to get our own way. And sometimes people can be capable of some slightly below-the-belt tactics to try to make it happen.

It’s not always a conscious thing, for some, twisting others around their little finger becomes second nature.

So beware, if you notice someone doing these 10 things, they might be trying to manipulate you.

1) Buttering you up

My mama always used to say that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Meaning, a little bit of sweet talk can go a long way.

We know this, and so we often try to use it to our advantage.

When you’re in the dog house, you might try to backtrack out of there with some strategic charm.

It can win people over when they’re feeling hostile. That’s why in healthy doses, it’s actually a social skill.

But we’re not talking about a few sincere and well-placed compliments.

This is next-level. Generally speaking, excessive flattery has a motive.

So if someone is suddenly showering you with praise, be wary.

Chances are they want to get on your good side. It’s a way of manipulating your emotions and gaining your trust.

2) Giving you the silent treatment

Withdrawal can happen a lot in both romantic relationships, but also with friendships and family members.

Sometimes it can be with innocent intent. We’re uncomfortable or don’t know what to say, so we step back.

But stonewalling and refusing to communicate quickly becomes manipulative, and here’s why:

It’s essentially a form of punishment. And it’s a pretty cruel one when you are on the receiving end of it.

We’re hard-wired to respond badly to social rejection, so being cut out can really hurt. 

That’s why it’s often purposely used as a way of getting someone else to feel bad or back down.

If you don’t go along with whatever they want, they’ll sulk until you relent.

3) Trying to make you feel sorry for them

When I think of the perpetual victims I’ve known, they usually don’t realize it.

It’s sad really.

They genuinely think that life owes them and that other people are the biggest source of their problems.

They don’t have the self-awareness to set themselves free from the suffering they create.

Victims can become the biggest manipulators around because they sneakily try to use this self-image of weakness as a weapon against you.

They spin a ‘woe-is-me’ tale to suck you in and tell sob stories in the hope of getting your support. They then try to use this sympathy you feel toward them for their own gain.

They want to try to make you responsible for things in their life which should be down to them.

4) Trying to keep you all to themselves

This can be such a sneaky and slow process that you don’t see it happening.

But effectively, it’s a form of isolation.

If someone wants to intensify your connection with them, they might try to strategically maneuver you away from other people.

Once they’ve done this you become more reliant on them and more susceptible to their sole influence.

Even if you love hanging out with someone, be careful if they seem to discourage you from spending time with friends or family.

Their desire to be with you 24-7 could seem sweet, but it’s not healthy.

5) Clouding the truth

I’ve purposely said clouding the truth rather than lying, as it can appear in many forms and sometimes operates on a spectrum.

It goes all the way from simply trying to paint yourself in a more favorable light, all the way up to full-blown gaslighting.

We can all be capable of telling the odd fib or slight exaggeration. But when it’s for sole gain, it’s manipulation.

Someone might:

• Lie to hide the truth
• Tell you what they think you want to hear to get in your good books
• Deny or twist events to confuse you.

Whenever you’re left questioning what the heck is going on, there is probably something underhand happening — even if you haven’t yet gotten to the bottom of it yet.

6) Guilt-tripping you for saying no

We’re all entitled to make our own choices in life.

Of course, other people may not always like our decisions. That’s their prerogative.

But what’s not their prerogative is to lay on the guilt trip when you don’t say yes to one of their requests.

When they try to make you feel bad, or act as though you’re being selfish, they’re making you responsible for the the way they feel.

• “If you really cared about me, you would…”
• “I sacrifice so much for you, this is the least you can do.”

These sorts of phrases try to make you into the unreasonable one when really, it’s them.

7) Trying to talk you into things

If the guilt trip doesn’t work, the next tactic may be to get pushy.

Even when this is done in a light-hearted way, it’s still manipulation.

It’s nothing other than insisting on getting your own way through childish nagging.

There are some people it’s hard to refuse because you’ll never hear the end of it. But it shows a total disregard for personal boundaries.

8) Blaming you for things they do

Perhaps you don’t notice that you’re being manipulated because they’re really good at making you feel bad.

Shifting the blame back onto you is such a clever trick that it would almost be admirable if it wasn’t so underhand.

Let me give you an example:

I once was dating this guy who out of nowhere, stood me up one time

Eventually, a few days later, he contacted me with some very unbelievable excuse that his phone had broken.

When I said I wasn’t buying it, he suddenly changed his tune.

He said that he didn’t think I was really that bothered about him, and that’s why he stood me up.

Somehow, he tried to make out that it was my fault that he did what he did.

Luckily, I saw through his manipulation attempt and blocked his ass.

9) Making jokes at your expense

A lot of passive-aggressive methods are popular go-to’s when it comes to manipulation, and this is another example. 

Delivering a message wrapped in humor is meant to disguise the malicious intent. Sometimes it does.

Someone will say something unkind or downright mean, but protest that they’re “just kidding”.

Sarcasm and cutting comments can be an underhand way of undermining you whilst trying to do so in stealth mode.

10) Twisting what you say

It’s a way of making you into the bad guy.

Sometimes it’s a way of deflecting from something they’ve said or done to try to get them off the hook.

Other times, they want to subtly alter reality to suit their agenda more.

But either way, if your words are being twisted, manipulation is usually on the horizon. 

Nip it in the bud

Like I said at the start, some manipulation takes place without well-thought-out malicious intent. But that doesn’t make it right.

The best approach is to stamp it out early.

Recognize when manipulation creeps into your connections.

We’ve got to trust our instincts to safeguard our emotional well-being so we can prevent others from taking advantage of us.

Respond assertively when necessary and bolster your boundaries so you don’t buy into their bullshit.