If you really want to become a confident speaker, say goodbye to these 10 habits

by Tina Fey | January 21, 2025, 9:05 pm

Confidence in speaking is often about more than just the words you say. It’s also about the habits you have.

Notice the difference? Speaking confidently isn’t about pretending, it’s about being genuine and true to yourself, while also letting go of certain habits that may be holding you back.

As someone who’s learned this first-hand, I’m here to tell you that there are specific habits you need to say goodbye to if you really want to become a confident speaker.

Let’s dive into what these 10 habits are.

1) Fear of judgment

One of the biggest roadblocks to becoming a confident speaker is the fear of judgment. Most of us are afraid of what others may think or say about our speaking skills.

This fear can be paralyzing, and it often holds us back from expressing our thoughts and ideas openly and confidently.

The reality is, judgment is a part of life. There will always be people who will critique you, regardless of how you speak. But here’s the thing, most people are more concerned about their own lives than to spend time judging yours.

So, if you want to become a confident speaker, it’s time to say goodbye to this fear. Understand that it’s okay to make mistakes and that they are part of your growth process.

Embrace feedback, learn from it, and remember that every great speaker was once a beginner. The key is to keep practicing and not let the fear of judgment keep you from sharing your voice with the world.

2) Perfectionism

Let me tell you a little story about myself. When I first started public speaking, I was a hardcore perfectionist. I would practice my speeches over and over, trying to get every word, every pause, and every gesture just right.

But guess what? No matter how much I practiced, things never went exactly as planned. There was always a hiccup, a forgotten line, or an unexpected response from the audience. My quest for perfection was driving me crazy and it was sucking the joy out of speaking.

I soon realized that striving for perfection was only making me more nervous and less confident. So, I decided to let it go. I chose to focus on the message I was delivering rather than on delivering it perfectly.

And you know what? My speeches became much better. I was more relaxed, more authentic, and surprisingly, more engaging. I learned that people don’t expect or even want you to be perfect. They want you to be real.

If you’re holding onto perfectionism, it’s time to let it go. It’s not serving you or your audience. Rather, embrace your imperfections – they make you human and relatable. And that’s what truly connects with people.

3) Speaking too fast

A common habit among those who are nervous or lack confidence in their speaking abilities is to speak too quickly. This can make it difficult for the audience to keep up with or understand what you’re saying.

Did you know the average person speaks at around 125 to 150 words per minute? But when we’re nervous, this can increase dramatically, often to over 200 words per minute!

Speaking at such a pace can be overwhelming for listeners and may result in your message getting lost. So, if you notice that you have a tendency to speak too quickly, it’s time to slow down.

Take deliberate pauses, breathe, and allow your words to sink in. Not only will this make your speech more understandable, but it will also give you a chance to gather your thoughts and speak more confidently. It’s a win-win!

4) Avoiding eye contact

Eye contact is a powerful tool in communication. It shows your audience that you’re engaged, confident, and sincere. But many of us, especially when we’re nervous or unsure, tend to avoid it.

If you’re looking down at your notes or staring at a spot on the wall, you’re missing a crucial opportunity to connect with your audience. Eye contact helps to build trust and rapport, and it also makes you appear more confident and in control.

So if you’ve been avoiding eye contact, it’s time to change that habit. Try practicing with a friend or in front of a mirror. Start small, aim for a few seconds at a time, and gradually increase.

Remember, eye contact isn’t about staring someone down; it’s about making a connection. So relax, smile, and let your eyes do some of the talking.

5) Focusing on self instead of audience

If you’re wrapped up in worrying about how you’re performing, you’re focusing on the wrong thing. Speaking isn’t about you, it’s about your audience and the message you’re trying to convey.

Many speakers fall into the trap of being self-focused, worrying about how they look or how they’re being perceived. This can lead to anxiety and undermine your confidence.

Instead, shift your focus to your audience. Think about their needs, their interests, and how your message can benefit them. This shift in perspective can alleviate some of the pressure you may be feeling and help you deliver a more engaging and confident speech.

Remember, your goal as a speaker is to add value to your audience, not to impress them. So keep your focus where it belongs – on them.

6) Not believing in your message

This one goes to the heart of why we speak in the first place. If you don’t believe in what you’re saying, it’s going to be hard to speak confidently about it.

Speaking is about more than just conveying information; it’s about sharing a part of yourself with your audience. And if you’re not passionate about your message, your audience will pick up on that.

So if you want to speak confidently, make sure you truly believe in what you’re saying. Choose topics that resonate with you, that stir up a spark inside of you. Because when you speak from the heart, your confidence will shine through naturally.

Remember, no one can tell your story or share your passion as authentically as you can. So believe in your message and let that belief fuel your confidence.

7) Comparing yourself to others

This one’s a tough habit to break, I know. There was a time when I would watch TED Talks and feel a pang of envy as I compared myself to those polished speakers. I’d wonder if I would ever be as good or as captivating as they were.

But here’s what I’ve learned. Comparison is a confidence killer. It makes you focus on your perceived shortcomings instead of your strengths. And the truth is, there will always be someone who seems more accomplished or more eloquent.

But you know what? That doesn’t matter. Because you have something unique to offer, something that no one else can.

So instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on being the best version of yourself. Speak your truth, share your ideas, and let your unique voice shine. Because ultimately, the most powerful speeches come from those who are authentically themselves.

8) Trying to eliminate nerves completely

Here’s something you might not expect. Feeling nervous before a speech isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it’s pretty normal.

Many of us believe that confident speakers never get nervous. But that’s far from the truth. Even the most experienced speakers feel a flutter in their stomachs before they step onto the stage.

The key is not to aim for eliminating nerves completely, but to learn how to manage and channel them into energy for your speech.

Those butterflies in your stomach? They can translate into passion and enthusiasm in your delivery, making your speech more engaging and memorable.

So embrace your nerves as a sign that you care about your message and your audience. Learn to harness them, and they can become your allies rather than your enemies.

9) Neglecting body language

If you think speaking confidently is all about your voice, think again. Your body language plays a crucial role too.

Slouched shoulders, crossed arms, or constant fidgeting can send a message of nervousness or lack of confidence. On the other hand, standing tall, using open gestures, and maintaining a relaxed posture can enhance your perceived confidence.

So if you’ve been neglecting your body language, it’s time to pay attention. Practice in front of a mirror or record yourself to identify any distracting habits.

Remember, confident speakers use their bodies to reinforce their words. So let your body language reflect the confidence you want to project.

10) Failing to practice

Here’s the thing, confidence doesn’t happen overnight. It comes from preparation and practice.

If you’re not taking the time to practice your speaking skills, you’re setting yourself up for less-than-confident performances. Practice helps you familiarize yourself with your material, refine your delivery, and reduce the chance of unexpected surprises.

So make practice a priority. Whether it’s in front of the mirror, with a friend, or on a small stage, every bit of practice counts.

Remember, practice breeds confidence. So commit to regular practice, and watch your confidence grow.

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