If you really want to find love, say goodbye to these 9 behaviors

by Dania Aziz | May 6, 2024, 10:18 pm

Finding love is a journey of self-discovery and adjustment.

It’s about understanding what you bring to the table and how you interact with others.

But there are certain behaviors that can hold you back from finding true love, no matter how hard you try.

The key to moving forward?

Saying goodbye to these self-sabotaging habits.

And trust me, I’ve been there.

I’ve made the mistakes and learned the hard lessons so you don’t have to.

So here are the 9 behaviors you need to drop if you’re serious about finding love.

It won’t be easy, but it’ll definitely be worth it.

1) Being overly critical

Love isn’t about finding a perfect person, because let’s face it, none of us are.

However, if you find yourself picking apart every little detail about your partner or potential partner, you’re setting yourself up for failure.

This kind of behavior can create a toxic environment and can make it difficult for love to flourish.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to have standards and to know what you want in a partner.

But there’s a fine line between having standards and being overly critical.

So if you want to find love, this is one of the behaviors you might want to say goodbye to.

Trust me, it’s easier to find love when you’re not looking for faults at every turn.

And remember, everyone has their quirks and flaws, including you.

Instead of focusing on these so much, try to appreciate the uniqueness of the person in front of you.

You might be surprised by how much this simple change in mindset can impact your love life.

2) Holding on to past relationships

Oh boy, have I been there.

Clinging onto past relationships can really hinder your progress in finding new love.

Take it from me.

After my first serious relationship ended, I found myself constantly comparing new potential partners to my ex.

I was stuck in a loop of what-ifs and if-onlys, and it was holding me back from truly moving on.

It’s a hard pill to swallow, but the truth is, if you’re still hung up on your past relationship, you’re not ready for a new one.

You’re not giving yourself or the other person a fair chance.

So do yourself a favor – let go of the past.

It’s easier said than done, I know.

But it’s crucial for opening up yourself to new possibilities and new love.

When I finally let go of my past relationship, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders.

And guess what?

That’s when I met my now-partner. And I couldn’t be happier.

The past is the past for a reason.

Learn from it, but don’t let it dictate your future.

3) Fear of vulnerability

Opening up to someone can be downright terrifying.

It’s like handing them a map to all your strengths and weaknesses, and trusting them not to take advantage.

But here’s the thing – vulnerability is actually key to building deep, meaningful connections.

Yes, embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable.

So if you want to find love, you’ve got to be willing to take the risk and open up.

It’s not always easy, but it’s the only way to truly let someone in.

Being vulnerable isn’t about being weak – it’s about being brave enough to show your true self.

The right person will appreciate you for it.

4) Neglecting self-love

This might sound cliché, but trust me, it’s crucial.

If you don’t love yourself first, finding love with someone else can be a real challenge.

Self-love isn’t about being self-obsessed or narcissistic.

It’s about respecting yourself, recognizing your worth, and understanding your needs.

When you practice self-love, you set the bar for how others should treat you.

You show them that you value yourself and that they should too.

Also, when you genuinely love yourself, it radiates from within and attracts people toward you.

So take some time for self-care.

Pursue your passions. Celebrate your achievements.

And most importantly, be kind to yourself.

You’re deserving of love – from others and from yourself.

Don’t settle for anything less.

5) Avoiding confrontation

Nobody likes conflict, but sometimes it’s necessary.

If you’re the type to avoid confrontation at all costs, it might be time to reevaluate your approach.

Avoiding issues doesn’t make them disappear. In fact, it usually makes them worse.

Unresolved issues can build up over time and create resentment or misunderstanding.

Open communication is key in any relationship.

And that includes addressing problems head-on.

It doesn’t mean you have to start an argument every time something bothers you.

But expressing your feelings and concerns openly and respectfully can save a lot of heartache in the long run.

So the next time something’s bothering you, speak up.

It might be uncomfortable at first, but it’s a step towards a healthier, happier relationship.

6) Fear of being alone

Being alone can be scary, I get it.

But the fear of being alone shouldn’t push you into the wrong relationships.

Here’s the heartfelt truth: Being single can be a beautiful, transformative time in your life if you let it.

It can be a time for self-discovery, for pursuing your passions, for nurturing your friendships.

And most importantly, being single can teach you that you’re enough just as you are.

So don’t rush into a relationship just because you’re scared of being alone.

Instead, learn to love your own company.

Remember, the right person will come along when the time is right, and it’s okay to wait for that. 

7) Ignoring red flags

I once dated someone who was always late.

At first, I brushed it off as a minor annoyance.

But as time went on, I realized it wasn’t just about being late.

It was a sign of disrespect for my time and an indicator of a deeper lack of consideration.

Red flags like these aren’t always as obvious as we’d like them to be.

Sometimes, they come dressed up as minor annoyances that we convince ourselves we can live with.

But here’s what I’ve learned: Red flags are called red flags for a reason.

They’re signals warning us that something isn’t right.

So don’t ignore them.

Don’t rationalize them away.

Pay attention to them, because they might be trying to save you from a lot of pain further down the road.

8) Overlooking your non-negotiables

We all have them – those certain things that we just can’t compromise on in a relationship.

Whether it’s wanting kids, religious beliefs, or lifestyle choices, these are the things that matter most to us.

But in the search for love, it can be tempting to overlook these non-negotiables for the sake of compatibility.

However, compromising on your non-negotiables can lead to discontent and resentment in the long run.

So be clear about what your non-negotiables are and stick to them.

The right person will respect these aspects of your life and won’t ask you to compromise on them.

A relationship should enhance your life, not make you give up parts of it.

9) Not believing in love

The most crucial thing?

You have to believe in love.

If deep down, you don’t think it’s possible for you, then it’ll be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Believing in love means having faith that there’s someone out there for you.

It means trusting that love can happen, even if it hasn’t yet.

Because at the end of the day, love starts with you.

With your belief, your hope, and your openness to let it in.

So believe in love. Because you deserve it.

Embracing the journey

At the heart of it all, finding love is a journey of growth and self-discovery.

Each step, each misstep, brings you closer to understanding yourself and what you truly want in a partner.

The American philosopher and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

In the quest for love, remember to honor your individuality.

Your quirks, your passions, your beliefs – these are the things that make you who you are.

And they’re the very things that will attract the right person into your life.

So as you reflect on these behaviors and consider saying goodbye to some of them, remember that this isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about evolving into the best version of yourself.

Because at the end of the day, finding love isn’t just about finding the right person.

It’s also about being the right person.

So embrace this journey with open arms and an open heart.

Because every step forward is a step closer to love.

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