If you really want your partner to feel loved and valued, say goodbye to these 9 habits

by Isabella Chase | April 1, 2024, 3:44 pm

Showing love and value to your partner is often about what we do, but can also be about what we don’t do.

Certain habits can unintentionally communicate disrespect or indifference, undermining the sense of value and love we want to convey.

By identifying these habits, we can consciously choose to let them go.

This is a vital step on the growth-focused journey of deepening our relationships and bettering our communication skills.

In my experience, both personal and professional, I’ve identified 9 habits that often need to be bid goodbye. 

These are habits that, while they might seem harmless or even normal, can significantly affect how loved and valued your partner feels.

So, let’s delve into these habits.

By understanding and addressing them, you can pave the way for a healthier, more loving relationship. 

After all, saying goodbye to these habits is not just about eliminating negative behaviors – it’s about opening up space for positive ones.

1) Ignoring or dismissing your partner’s feelings

Perhaps the most damaging habit that can make your partner feel unvalued and unloved is the tendency to dismiss or ignore their feelings.

While it may seem a minor thing, this habit communicates a lack of empathy and understanding, which can be incredibly hurtful.

When your partner shares their feelings, they are opening up to you, showing vulnerability.

Dismissing these feelings sends a message that their emotions are unimportant or invalid.

This can make your partner feel unseen and unheard.

It’s important to remember that acknowledging your partner’s feelings doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. 

But it does mean you need to listen, validate their feelings, and show empathy.

This shows your partner that you value their perspective and care about their emotional wellbeing.

2) Excessive criticism

It’s natural to have disagreements and different perspectives in a relationship, but it becomes destructive when it turns into constant criticism.

Excessive criticism can make your partner feel inadequate and unloved.

It conveys a message that they are not good enough, which can severely dent their self-esteem over time. 

More so, it creates a negative atmosphere in your relationship, making it difficult for love and respect to flourish.

Criticism becomes harmful when it focuses on the person, not the behavior.

For example, saying “You never help around the house” is far more damaging than saying “I would appreciate it if you could help more with the house chores.”

The former is a personal attack, while the latter addresses a specific behavior.

The key to overcoming this habit is to learn how to express your concerns or grievances in a constructive way.

This involves focusing on the behavior you’d like to see changed, rather than attacking your partner’s character or personality.

3) Failing to show appreciation

There’s a common saying that familiarity breeds contempt.

In relationships, this can manifest as failing to show appreciation for your partner.

Over time, we get used to the things our partner does for us, and we may start to take these actions for granted.

Showing appreciation is a simple yet powerful way to make your partner feel valued.

It acknowledges their efforts and conveys that you don’t take them for granted. It also fosters a positive atmosphere in the relationship.

While it’s important to show appreciation for the big things, it’s equally crucial to acknowledge the little things.

Whether it’s making breakfast, doing the laundry, or simply being there when you need a listening ear, these are all actions that deserve recognition and gratitude.

To break this habit, make it a point to express your appreciation regularly.

A simple “thank you” or “I appreciate you doing this” can go a long way. 

4) Neglecting your partner’s needs

Every person has unique needs in a relationship, be it emotional, physical, or social.

When these needs are neglected or ignored, it can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and unfulfillment.

Understanding your partner’s needs requires open communication.

You need to create a safe space where both of you feel comfortable expressing your needs without fear of judgment

It’s also essential to show willingness to meet these needs as much as possible.

Neglecting your partner’s needs might not always come from a place of malice.

Sometimes, it results from being focused on our own needs that we forget our partner has needs too. 

But regardless of the reason, the impact is often the same – it makes your partner feel unimportant and unloved.

To overcome this habit, practice open communication about each other’s needs.

Show empathy and willingness to meet these needs as best as you can.

Remember that it’s not about sacrificing your own needs, but about finding a balance that works for both of you.

5) Always choosing your way

This habit can stem from a need for control or a deep-seated belief that your way is the best.

However, it’s crucial to understand that a successful relationship requires compromise and respect for each other’s perspectives.

Always choosing your way not only undermines your partner’s self-esteem but also creates an imbalance in the relationship.

It sends a message that their opinions or preferences are not important or valued.

To overcome this habit, practice active listening when making decisions together.

Give your partner the space to express their thoughts and opinions and show respect for their perspective. 

It’s not about who is right or wrong, but about working together to find the best solution.

6) Frequently interrupting during conversations

Respectful communication is the bedrock of any successful relationship.

Frequently interrupting your partner during conversations can make them feel unloved and undervalued. 

It sends a signal that their words are not important enough to be heard, or that your thoughts and opinions matter more.

Interrupting can be a tough habit to break, especially if it has become ingrained in your communication style.

However, with conscious effort and practice, it’s definitely something that can be overcome.

One effective strategy is to practice fully focusing on your partner when they’re speaking.

It’s important to resist the urge to interrupt or formulate your response before they’re done speaking.

It shows respect for their thoughts and feelings and communicates that you value what they have to say.

Breaking this habit isn’t just about not interrupting – it’s also about encouraging open and respectful communication in your relationship.

7) Spending too much time on electronic devices

When you are physically present but mentally elsewhere, engrossed in your device, it can make your partner feel ignored and insignificant.

It communicates that whatever is on your screen is more important than them.

To break this habit, establish boundaries for electronic device use, especially during shared moments like meals or bedtime.

Show your partner that you value your time together by keeping distractions to a minimum.

Also, try to replace screen time with quality time together.

Whether it’s going for a walk, cooking together, or simply having a heart-to-heart conversation, these moments can significantly enhance the feeling of being loved and valued in your relationship.

8) Not making time for shared experiences

Shared experiences play a crucial role in building and strengthening emotional bonds in a relationship.

And they don’t have to be grand or costly. They can be as simple as cooking a meal together, going for a walk, or watching a movie at home. 

The point is to spend quality time together, creating memories and deepening your emotional connection.

When you constantly put off these shared experiences due to work or other commitments, it communicates that these moments of connection are not a priority for you.

This can make your partner feel less important and less loved.

To change this habit, consciously make time for shared experiences. Plan activities that both of you enjoy and make sure you follow through.

These moments of connection can go a long way in making your partner feel loved and valued.

9) Keeping score in the relationship

Tallying up who did what, who is contributing more, or who is at fault…

Keeping score turns the relationship into a competition instead of a partnership. 

It creates tension and resentment, and fosters an environment of comparison and one-upmanship rather than love and mutual respect.

Moreover, it overlooks the fact that contribution in a relationship cannot always be quantified or measured. 

For instance, emotional support or acts of kindness don’t lend themselves to being tallied up but are equally important.

If you find yourself keeping score in your relationship, it’s time to shift from a mindset of competition to one of collaboration.

Appreciate your partner’s contributions without comparing them to your own.

Focus on working together as a team rather than against each other.

Moving forward in love and understanding

Breaking habits is not an easy task, but it’s a crucial step towards fostering a relationship where both partners feel loved and valued. 

Letting go of these habits opens the door for better communication, deeper understanding, and more meaningful connections.

Remember, it’s not about being perfect.

It’s about continuous growth and improvement, both as an individual and as a partner.

It’s about cultivating a relationship that nurtures both parties emotionally and spiritually.

Keep in mind, too, that this journey is not one-sided. Both partners need to be committed to this process of growth and change.

It’s important to have open and honest conversations about these habits and how they affect your relationship.

Lastly, be patient with yourself and your partner.

Change takes time and consistent effort.

Celebrate the small victories along the way and use setbacks as opportunities for learning.

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