If you recognize these 7 patterns in your conversations, you’re an exceptional listener

We all strive to be good listeners. But are we?

It’s a hard question to ask ourselves.

You might find yourself nodding along in conversations, thinking you’ve got the gist of it. Then, there’s an awkward pause, and you’re asked for your opinion. Suddenly, you’re caught off guard.

Sound familiar? It’s easy to feel like we’re not paying enough attention or that we’re failing as listeners.

But here’s the thing: you might be a far better listener than you think. Sometimes, our own self-doubt can cloud our perception.

Today, we’re digging into seven specific patterns that might show up in your conversations if you are an exceptional listener.

Some of these may surprise you.

1) You remember the little details

Picture this: you’re having a casual chat with a colleague, and they mention in passing that they’ve been struggling with a personal issue or project. A week later, you ask them how it’s going. Their response? A surprised “You remembered?”

I’ve had this happen to me several times, and trust me, it’s a clear signal that you’re an attentive listener. It shows that you’re not just hearing words; you’re absorbing the information and caring enough to retain it.

2) You refrain from interrupting

I still remember a conversation I once had with my friend. She was sharing her experience about her recent vacation, and I couldn’t help but butt in with my own stories.

It was only later when I reflected on our talk, I realized how much I had interrupted.

Being an exceptional listener means allowing the other person to finish their thoughts without interruption. It’s about showing respect for their feelings and thoughts, no matter how tempted you are to jump in with your own anecdotes or advice.

It took me some time to master this skill, but once I did, I noticed a significant change in the quality of my conversations.

3) You summarize and paraphrase

Summarizing and paraphrasing are more than just communication skills taught in a high school English class. They’re critical tools in active listening.

When you summarize or paraphrase, you’re demonstrating that you’ve not only heard what the other person said, but understood it too.

A study conducted by the University of Missouri actually found that paraphrasing and summarizing can increase empathy and rapport in conversations.

It’s a simple yet powerful way to show the person you’re speaking with that you are truly engaged and value what they have to say.

4) You show empathy

Listening goes beyond just understanding words and sentences. It’s about connecting with the emotions behind those words, about feeling the highs and lows of the speaker’s story.

There have been times when I’ve found myself tear up as a friend shared a painful memory, or when my heart swelled with joy hearing about their achievements.

These moments of empathy, of truly feeling with the person speaking, are signs of not just good, but exceptional listening.

Because at the end of the day, being an exceptional listener means being there for others – in happiness, in sorrow, and everything in between.

5) You ask thoughtful questions

I remember a time when I was sharing my dreams and aspirations with a close friend.

Instead of simply nodding along or giving me generic advice, he asked me deep, thought-provoking questions. Questions that made me reflect, dig deeper, and see my own dreams from a different perspective.

That’s when I realized the true power of questions in a conversation. They are not just about seeking information; they are tools to show that you’re invested in the conversation, that you care enough to explore further.

Asking thoughtful questions shows that you’re not just passively listening but are actively engaged in understanding the speaker’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

If you find yourself doing this often, it’s a great indication that you are indeed an exceptional listener.

6) You give non-verbal feedback

Ever found yourself nodding along to someone’s words, maintaining eye contact, or leaning in slightly as they speak? These subtle actions are a form of non-verbal feedback, and they’re a big deal in effective listening.

By giving non-verbal feedback, you’re silently communicating your interest and engagement in the conversation. You’re telling the speaker that they have your undivided attention and what they’re saying is important to you.

It’s a powerful way to make someone feel heard and validated without saying a word.

7) You avoid making the conversation about you

One day, I was having a heart-to-heart with a friend who was going through a tough time. In an attempt to empathize, I started sharing my own similar experiences.

However, I soon realized I was steering the conversation away from her and towards me. This is something we often do unintentionally, but it can make the speaker feel unheard.

Being an exceptional listener means keeping the focus on the speaker. It’s about letting them have the space and time to express themselves, even if it means holding back on sharing your own experiences.

When you do this, you create an environment where the other person feels valued and respected.

Recognizing these patterns in your conversations is a testament not just to your listening skills, but also to your ability to connect with others on a deeper level.

It’s about making each conversation matter and letting the people you interact with feel heard, understood, and respected. That’s what makes you an exceptional listener.