If you recognize these 11 signs, you’re subconsciously pushing people away

Relationships are complex, and sometimes we unknowingly create barriers that push people away.

Yes, you heard it right… You could be the one standing between yourself and meaningful relationships.

It’s a bitter pill to swallow, I know.

But guess what? It’s not just you.

Many of us are guilty of this without even realizing it.

The signs aren’t always in your face. They’re subtle. Unnoticeable until pointed out.

In this piece, we’ll shed light on 11 such signs. Some might sting a bit, but that’s okay.

Remember, my intention isn’t to make you feel bad or guilty. But to help you become more self-aware and improve your relationships.

Ready to dive in? Let’s go.

1) You’re always on your phone

I remember this one dinner party I attended.

There was this one person, his name is Mark, who was glued to his phone. It was as if his world revolved around that small screen.

Even during conversations, Mark’s gaze would drift back to his phone, typing away furiously.

It felt like he wasn’t present, even though he was right there in front of us.

Does this sound familiar?

If you’re always on your phone, even in the presence of others, it might be a sign that you’re pushing people away.

It sends out a signal that you’re disinterested and detached from those around you.

2) You’re not an active listener

During my college years, I had a roommate who loved talking about herself.

Don’t get me wrong; she was good company most of the time.

But whenever it was my turn to share something, she would either interrupt with her own story or zone out completely.

It was frustrating and made me feel unheard.

If you find yourself dominating conversations or not really listening when others speak, you could be pushing them away subconsciously.

Active listening is a key factor in building strong relationships.

These are just two signs out of the eleven we’ll be exploring. Stay tuned for more!

3) You’re always negative

Here’s something to think about: Your brain can’t differentiate between a real and imagined threat.

If you’re constantly focused on the negatives in your life, your brain perceives it as a genuine threat, leading to a constant state of stress and anxiety.

This constant negative energy you’re projecting can be exhausting for those around you.

People naturally gravitate toward positivity.

Always complaining or focusing on the bad can push people away.

Balancing your outlook with a healthy dose of positivity can make a significant difference in your relationships.

4) You don’t show appreciation

There was this elderly lady in my neighborhood when I was growing up.

She lived alone and often helped out with community activities.

Yet, she always seemed lonely.

One day, I decided to thank her for all the work she did.

Her eyes welled up.

She said it had been years since someone had shown genuine appreciation for her efforts.

It’s easy to take people for granted, especially those who are always there for us.

But remember, everyone needs to feel appreciated.

5) You’re often accused of being distant or unresponsive

Many of us have busy lives, and it’s understandable that we can’t always be fully present for every conversation.

However, if you frequently find your friends, family, or partners accusing you of being detached or not responding to their attempts to connect, it might be more than just an issue of time management.

This could be a sign that you’re subconsciously creating a barrier between yourself and others.

You might be retreating into your shell without realizing it, giving the impression that you’re uninterested or cold.

It’s crucial to remember that communication is more than just words; it’s about making the other person feel heard and valued.

6) You’re quick to criticize

Being critical has its place, but when it becomes a habit, it pushes people away.

No one likes to feel judged or belittled.

If you notice that you’re quick to point out flaws or mistakes in others, it may be time to reassess how you communicate.

Constructive feedback is always welcome, but remember the key word here is ‘constructive’.

7) You’re frequently defensive, even when it’s unnecessary

In the course of our lives, we all face criticism or feedback that can be hard to swallow.

But if you constantly find yourself getting defensive, even when there’s no real need for it, this could be a sign of a deeper issue.

Being overly defensive is often a subconscious way of protecting ourselves from perceived threats or attacks.

However, this behavior can create a fortress around you that pushes people back and prevents them from getting close to you.

It’s important to remember that not all criticisms or disagreements are attacks on your character.

Sometimes, they are simply opportunities for growth and understanding.

7) You don’t respect boundaries

Imagine lending a book to a friend, only to find out they’ve lent it to someone else without asking you.

Annoying, right?

That’s what not respecting boundaries feels like.

It’s important to understand and respect other people’s personal space and limits.

Violating these boundaries can create discomfort and lead to people distancing themselves from you.

8) You’re always right

We all know that one person who just has to be right, all the time.

It’s exhausting, isn’t it?

Having an open mind and accepting that you could be wrong fosters healthy discussions and lets others know that their opinions are valued too.

9) You avoid eye contact

Eye contact is a powerful form of nonverbal communication.

It’s a universally recognized way of expressing interest, attention, and respect.

Yet, if you often avoid meeting others’ gaze, you may unknowingly be sending signals of disinterest or insincerity.

Avoiding eye contact can make others feel that you’re not fully present in the conversation or that you’re hiding something.

In fact, the human brain is designed to interpret and react to these subtle cues.

By steering clear of eye contact, you might be creating an invisible barrier that prevents others from connecting with you on a deeper level.

10) You struggle with expressing emotions

Emotions are what make us human.

They add color to our lives, shape our experiences, and help us connect with others on a deeper level.

However, expressing emotions doesn’t come naturally to everyone.

If you find it challenging to express your feelings, or have a tendency to suppress them, you might unknowingly be creating an emotional distance between you and others.

This can make it hard for them to truly understand you or feel emotionally safe around you.

Trusting others with your emotions might seem daunting but it’s often the very thing that strengthens relationships.

Remember, it’s not about wearing your heart on your sleeve all the time, but about being open when it matters most.

11) You’re constantly seeking validation

If you frequently seek reassurance or validation from others, it might come off as needy or insecure.

This can put a strain on your relationships, as people may feel overwhelmed by the constant need to affirm or comfort you.

While it’s natural to want approval and acceptance, relying too much on others for self-worth can create a dependency that pushes people away.

Understanding the root causes

While these signs can help you identify if you’re subconsciously pushing people away, it’s crucial to understand that they’re usually symptoms of deeper issues.

Recognizing these signs is just the first step.

The real work lies in understanding the root causes behind these behaviors.

Often, these patterns stem from past experiences.

It could be a result of previous relationship traumas, childhood experiences, or even a coping mechanism developed over years.

For instance, being overly defensive might be a result of being frequently criticized in the past.

Or being constantly seeking validation might stem from a fear of conflict or rejection.

It’s important to remember that everyone has their unique journey and experiences that shape their behavior.

It’s not about blaming yourself but about understanding yourself better.

Change always begins with self-awareness.

It’s about acknowledging these patterns without judgment and then gradually working towards modifying them.

Therapy or counselling can be beneficial in this process, providing professional guidance to navigate through these complex emotional landscapes.