If your ex-partner displays these 8 behaviors, they were probably a narcissist

Have you ever wondered if maybe your ex was a narcissist?

Narcissism is a word that gets thrown around a lot these days. It’s a complicated condition, with many different behaviors and traits. The only way to know for sure if someone is a narcissist is through a professional diagnosis. 

However, there are some common behaviors that you can look out for that suggest you might’ve been dealing with a narcissist. 

And it’s important to know the signs so that you can be sure not to fall into the same situation in future relationships. 

With that in mind, here are 8 behaviors that are typically displayed by narcissists.

How many of them did you see in your ex? 

Let’s jump in. 

1) They had no empathy

Ever notice that your ex didn’t seem to care when you were upset? 

It was as if they could see that you were distressed, but they didn’t seem to understand at all. This was hard for you as even the idea that your loved ones are hurting, upsets you.

Here’s the kicker: it’s not that they didn’t understand; they just weren’t wired to feel for others.

Narcissistic people often lack empathy for others as outlined by the University of Surrey. If this is something you experienced with your ex, it suggests, they could’ve been a narcissist. 

2) They had a high sense of self-importance

One of the core behaviors displayed by narcissists is their sense of self-importance. 

Did your ex ever give off vibes that they thought they were better than everyone else? 

You know what I’m talking about. Take Regina George in Mean Girls as an example when she says “I can’t help it that I’m popular”. 

Or when Tony Stark describes himself as a “Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist” in The Avengers. It’s clear, these characters thought a lot of themselves. 

Your ex probably wasn’t as extreme as Tony Stark or Regina George, but if they had a high sense of self-importance, it’s worth noting.

3) They manipulated you and others

Have you ever seen a manipulator at work? 

If you watched House Of Cards, you’ll know that Frank Underwood is a master manipulator.

Playing the role of a high-powered politician, he manipulates every one around him for his own personal gain, saying one thing publicly and doing another behind closed doors to eventually get what he wants. 

Does this sound familiar? Was your ex good at twisting situations or saying the right thing to get what they wanted from you? 

This is classic narcissistic behavior, it’s extremely common for them to use manipulation as a tool to control others, as outlined by Psychology Today. 

You probably didn’t even realize it at the time but if your ex manipulated you and others around them for their own personal gain, then they may well have been a narcissist. 

4) They were always looking for attention

A guy I dated once, always needed the spotlight. If he didn’t have it, he’d do anything to get it, even if it was embarrassing or negative. 

When we attended my neighbor’s New Year’s Eve party, he decided to do a drunken toast. He didn’t even know anyone there so ended up rambling on about himself and the great year he’d had. 

I was mortified. And no, we didn’t work out.

If you’ve experienced this firsthand with an ex, you know it’s exhausting to be around. Needing to be the center of attention is classic narcissist behavior.

5) They needed constant validation from others

Picture this: you and your special someone are settling into a Friday night movie. Not even five minutes in, their phone beeps. And again. And again. They have to look at it each time. 

Frustrated by the interruption you ask what it is.

Turns out your other half posted on Instagram and they are checking each like and comment. Despite multiple likes and comments, to your amazement, they say “Why hasn’t so and so commented, I know they’ve seen it.” 

Sound familiar? 

This desperate need for validation is a common narcissistic behavior. And no matter how much they get, they always need more. And not just on social media, they are also fishing for compliments and seeking reassurance at every opportunity.

Look: we all appreciate a compliment once in a while or need some reassurance but if your ex was constantly seeking validation, it’s another concerning sign. 

6) They gave you the silent treatment

Conflict in relationships is healthy so I’m sure you and your ex had some disagreements, right? 

And one of their favorite ways to deal with it was to give you the silent treatment for prolonged periods until you’d learned your lesson. 

Ring any bells? 

Although conflict is normal, using the silent treatment to resolve it, is not. If you experienced silent treatment regularly, it suggests that you were in a narcissistic relationship. 

Your ex would shut down whenever they were upset with you. There was no talking things through or explaining your side. No matter how many times you called or texted, all you got was total silence. 

The thing is: this wasn’t about them being upset at all, it was a control tactic that narcissists use a lot. And it’s a big red flag in any relationship.

7) They rarely ever compromised 

My old college friend, Tara, didn’t seem to understand the meaning of the word compromise.

We’d do things her way or not at all. She’d decide what we’d do when we’d do it, and who was invited. It didn’t matter what it was, everything was on her terms. 

Does Tara’s behavior remind you of your ex? 

Relationships are all about give and take but with your ex, it was all take take take. They seemed to have a ‘my way or the highway’ mentality that meant they’d always get their way. 

As noted by Psychology Today, research suggests that this refusal to back down or compromise on anything is a pretty common narcissistic behavior. And one to watch out for in future relationships.

8) They struggled to maintain friendships

Did you ever notice that your ex had very few long-term friendships? 

You know the kind of friends you’ve known since you were 5, you’ve been through so much together and would do anything for each other. 

Narcissists don’t really enjoy these long-term friendships because they have trouble keeping friends, as outlined by the American Psychology Association.

If you notice that your ex struggled to keep friends long-term and they were also displaying most of the other behaviors we’ve covered, there’s a good chance they were narcissist. 

The bottom line

If you spotted one or two of these behaviors in your ex throughout your entire relationship, it’s probably nothing to worry about. We all display some of these behaviors from time to time. 

But if you recognize a lot of these signs in your ex consistently over time, then yes it’s likely they probably were a narcissist and you are better off out of that relationship. 

Now that you know the signs, you can stay alert to them in future partners to make sure you don’t find yourself in a narcissistic relationship again because you deserve so much more.