Behavioral psychology says if you avoid these 7 behaviors, you’ll instantly seem more confident

There’s a world of difference between appearing confident and actually being confident.

In the realm of behavioural psychology, the way we carry ourselves, our mannerisms and habits say a lot about our self-assuredness.

Sometimes, it’s not about adding more to your persona, but shedding off certain behaviours that might be holding you back.

Think of it as editing your own behavioural manuscript: By avoiding these seven behaviours, you’re essentially proofreading your own actions and presentations—streamlining them to come across as more confident, more assertive.

This isn’t about pretending or putting on a show. Instead, it’s about making small tweaks to your behaviour that can have a big impact on how others perceive you.

Let’s delve into what behavioural psychology suggests are the seven behaviours that if avoided, will instantly boost your confidence levels:

1) Apologizing unnecessarily

One of the most common behaviors that can undermine our confidence is unnecessary apologizing.

This often happens when we’re trying to avoid conflict or come across as polite.

But, in reality, it can make us appear unsure and lacking in self-assuredness.

This isn’t about avoiding apologies when they’re warranted. It’s about not saying “I’m sorry” when you’ve done nothing wrong.

However, unnecessary apologies can dilute the power of genuine ones and diminish our perceived confidence.

By avoiding this behavior, we’re essentially editing our verbal responses, shedding off the unnecessary clutter that might be diminishing our perceived confidence.

The next time you find yourself apologizing when it’s not warranted, take a moment, reassess and choose a more assertive response instead.

2) Avoiding eye contact

It’s surprising how much of our confidence is conveyed through our eyes.

I remember a time when I was giving a presentation: I was well prepared, knew my material inside out but I avoided making eye contact with my audience.

Later, a colleague pointed out that it made me appear less confident and somewhat detached—it was a wake-up call. From then on, I made a conscious effort to maintain eye contact during any interaction or presentation.

It wasn’t easy initially, but with practice, it became second nature.

The renowned psychologist Dr. Albert Mehrabian’s research suggests that 55% of communication is body language, and eye contact is definitely a significant part of that.

Avoiding eye contact can come across as lack of confidence or even dishonesty.

Don’t shy away from meeting people’s gaze. It can make a world of difference to how confidently you’re perceived.

3) Overthinking and second-guessing

Ever found yourself stuck in a loop of overthinking every decision, every interaction?

I know I have; it’s an exhausting process that often leads to second-guessing ourselves, which can chip away at our confidence.

The truth is, overthinking rarely leads to better outcomes as it just leads to more stress and less confidence.

How do we break this cycle? It starts with awareness, catching ourselves when we start to spiral into overthinking. Then, consciously deciding to trust our intuition and initial judgments.

It’s not easy, but it’s a crucial step towards projecting a more confident self.

Nobody has it all figured out. We’re all just doing the best we can with the information we have—and that’s perfectly okay!

4) Being overly self-deprecating

Humour is a great ice-breaker and a tool for building rapport but, when it constantly comes at the expense of our own self-esteem, it can erode our perceived confidence.

I’m talking about being overly self-deprecating. Sure, it can be an endearing quality, but overdo it and it signals low self-esteem and even insecurity.

Interestingly, high self-esteem individuals use more self-deprecating humour, as they’re secure enough to laugh at themselves. However, when used excessively or inappropriately, it can become a self-defeating behaviour that undermines our confidence.

The next time you find yourself making light of your abilities or achievements, remember: It’s okay to take pride in your accomplishments.

You’ve worked hard for them, and you deserve to feel good about them.

5) Not setting boundaries

Once upon a time, I was a ‘yes’ person.

I would agree to every request or favor—often at the expense of my own time and well-being—and it was exhausting and honestly, it chipped away at my self-esteem.

The reality is, not setting boundaries can lead us to feel overwhelmed and undervalued.

It might seem like we’re being helpful or accommodating, but it can come across as a lack of self-respect and confidence.

Setting boundaries is about respecting your time, your energy, and your needs.

Trust me, once you start doing it, not only will you feel more confident, but you’ll also command respect from others.

6) Hiding your flaws

Counterintuitive as it may seem, hiding our flaws or mistakes doesn’t make us appear more confident. In fact, it can do the exact opposite.

We all have flaws and make mistakes.

By hiding them, we create an illusion of perfection that is not only hard to maintain but also makes us appear less authentic.

Carl Rogers, one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century, once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

It’s okay to be a work in progress because, by accepting and owning our flaws and being open about our mistakes, we show that we are confident enough to recognize areas where we can grow and improve.

7) Comparing yourself to others

When we compare ourselves to others, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment.

You’re measuring your behind-the-scenes against someone else’s highlight reel—especially on social media—so the game is rigged from the start.

It’s a harmful habit that can quickly erode self-esteem and confidence. We forget different people have different starting lines, strengths, and seasons of life.

Their timeline isn’t your timeline, and their goals might not even be your goals.

Let’s stop the comparison game and run our own race; focus on your lane, your values, your progress!

Wrapping it up

Building confidence is not about pretending or putting on a façade. It’s about embracing who we are, making small tweaks, and shedding behaviors that don’t serve us well.

Remember, confidence isn’t something that can be acquired overnight. It’s a journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and growth.

It’s okay to be a work in progress, to have flaws and make mistakes, and to say no when you need to.

As we continue to navigate through life, let’s focus on becoming the best version of ourselves.

At the end of the day, our self-confidence is deeply intertwined with our authenticity!