If you avoid these 8 arguments, you’re more emotionally intelligent than most people your age

Navigating social situations can be tricky, especially when it comes to arguments. Sometimes, it feels like they’re just part of life, right?

But what if I told you that avoiding certain arguments could actually be a sign of emotional intelligence?

Well, it’s true: There are certain quarrels that are simply not worth your time or energy.

To sidestep these disputes means you’re smart enough to know which battles are worth fighting and which ones aren’t.

In this article, I’m going to share with you eight types of arguments that emotionally intelligent people tend to avoid.

If you find yourself side-stepping these kinds of disagreements, congratulations! You might be more emotionally intelligent than most people your age.

1) Arguments that lead to the blame game

We’ve all been there: Something goes wrong and suddenly fingers start pointing. The blame game is as old as humanity itself, and it’s arguably one of the least constructive kinds of arguments you can get into.

You see, people who are emotionally intelligent understand that assigning blame doesn’t solve the problem. It often just creates more conflict and does little to address the root cause of the issue.

Instead of pointing fingers, emotionally intelligent people focus on finding solutions and learning from the situation.

If you find yourself in a situation where the blame game is starting to play out, take a step back.

Instead of joining in, try to steer the conversation towards resolution. That’s a sign of emotional intelligence.

If you can avoid getting sucked into the blame game entirely? Well, that’s even better.

Keep in mind that it’s about growing as a person and fostering better relationships with the people around you. Avoiding this type of argument shows you’re capable of doing just that.

2) Arguments out of pride

I remember once having a heated discussion with a colleague about which marketing strategy our team should adopt.

I was so convinced that my method was superior but, as the conversation escalated, I realised I was no longer arguing for the sake of the team’s success, but simply to prove that I was right.

Emotionally intelligent people are not immune to pride, but they do recognise when pride starts to cloud their judgement and steer conversations into unproductive territory.

They understand that being right is not as important as reaching an effective solution that benefits everyone involved.

The moment I realised what was happening, I took a step back.

I asked myself: “Am I arguing for the sake of being right, or am I truly advocating for the best interest of our project?”

It wasn’t easy to admit, but my pride had definitely got the better of me.

Avoiding arguments out of pride simply means acknowledging when your ego steps in and threatens to derail productive communication.

Recognising this allows us to refocus on what truly matters: seeking solutions, not victories.

3) Arguments over opinions

Here’s something you might not know: Our brains are wired to seek out information that confirms our existing beliefs.

This phenomenon, known as confirmation bias, can lead us into pointless arguments where we’re just trying to impose our opinions on others.

Emotionally intelligent people understand that everyone is entitled to their own views and perspectives. They know that arguing over opinions is usually a fruitless endeavour because people are generally unlikely to change their deeply held beliefs simply because someone else disagrees with them.

Instead of wasting energy on these kinds of arguments, emotionally intelligent individuals choose to engage in constructive dialogues.

They listen, share, and respect diverse perspectives, fostering an environment of mutual understanding and respect.

The next time you find yourself in an argument based purely on differing opinions, know that it’s okay to agree to disagree. It doesn’t make your opinion any less valid, and it certainly doesn’t mean you’ve lost the argument.

4) Arguments that are personal attacks

It’s never a pleasant situation when a conversation or argument turns personal. Instead of discussing the issue at hand, personal attacks target the individual on a more emotional and subjective level.

Emotionally intelligent people are aware that such arguments are not only unproductive, but they can also cause serious damage to relationships.

They understand that attacking someone personally won’t solve the problem; instead, it will likely escalate the situation and build resentment.

If you find yourself in a situation where personal attacks are starting to become the norm, try to steer the conversation back to the issue at hand or it might be best to walk away.

By avoiding personal attacks and focusing on the problem, not the person, you’re showing great emotional intelligence. You’re demonstrating respect for others, even in the midst of disagreement, and that’s a trait worth celebrating.

5) Arguments that are emotionally charged

We’ve all experienced those moments when emotions run high, and every comment feels like a spark ready to ignite an explosion.

These emotionally charged arguments can leave us feeling drained and often lead to regrettable words being spoken.

Emotionally intelligent individuals recognize the danger in these situations.

They understand that when emotions are heightened, it’s incredibly easy for things to spiral out of control and, so, they choose to step back and allow time for everyone to cool down.

It’s not always easy, especially when your heart is pounding and your thoughts are racing, but choosing to walk away from an emotionally charged argument is not a sign of weakness.

On the contrary, it takes immense strength and self-control.

The next time you find yourself in the middle of an emotionally charged argument, remember that it’s okay to take a break.

You’re not avoiding the issue; you’re choosing to address it in a more constructive and respectful manner—and that’s something truly admirable.

6) Arguments born from assumptions

I recall a situation with a close friend of mine.

We had made plans to meet for coffee, but she didn’t show. I waited for an hour, and with each passing minute, I found myself growing more irritated.

I assumed she had forgotten or simply didn’t care enough to show up. When she called later to apologize and explained that she’d been in a minor car accident, I felt terrible.

My assumptions had led me to an argument that could have been avoided.

Assumptions can be dangerous as they build a narrative in our minds that isn’t necessarily based on fact.

When we argue based on these assumptions, we’re not addressing the real issue because we might not even know what the real issue is.

Emotionally intelligent individuals understand this and strive to communicate openly and honestly instead of making assumptions. They ask questions, clarify doubts, and make sure they have the full picture before forming conclusions.

Seek clarity first because you might find that the argument dissolves before it even begins.

7) Arguments about the past

It’s easy to fall into the trap of bringing up past mistakes when we’re in the middle of an argument. It might seem like these past issues are relevant, but more often than not, they only serve to escalate the situation.

Emotionally intelligent people understand that focusing on the past doesn’t solve current problems. They know that constantly bringing up old wounds isn’t constructive and instead strive to focus on the issue at hand.

Take a moment to consider whether it’s genuinely helpful or just a way to score points. The goal should be to resolve the current issue, not dig up old ones.

Letting go of past grievances shows emotional maturity and a commitment to moving forward, and that’s certainly something to strive for.

8) Arguments without empathy

The most crucial element in any conversation or argument is empathy.

Without it, we risk turning a simple disagreement into a full-blown conflict.

Empathy allows us to see the situation from another person’s perspective, fostering understanding and respect, even in disagreement.

Emotionally intelligent people are masters of empathy. They avoid arguments where empathy is lacking because they know that such disputes are unlikely to lead to any constructive outcome.

Whether you’re discussing a minor disagreement or navigating a significant conflict, remember the importance of empathy.

Embodying empathy is about acknowledging their feelings, validating their perspective, and showing them that they’re heard and respected.

That’s the heart of emotional intelligence.

Wrapping up: It’s about growth

When we strip everything back, emotional intelligence is fundamentally about growth. It’s about recognizing our own emotions and those of others, developing empathy, and using this understanding to navigate our relationships more effectively.

The ability to avoid these eight types of arguments is a testament to this growth. It’s about choosing to engage in a manner that is respectful, constructive, and empathetic.

Whether you’ve been avoiding these arguments naturally or you’re just starting on your journey to cultivate greater emotional intelligence, remember this: it’s all part of the journey.

Every step you take towards becoming more emotionally intelligent is a step towards becoming a better version of yourself.