Psychology says you know you’ve outgrown someone when these 7 things start to bother you

As human beings, our relationships with others are paramount. But sometimes, we outgrow certain people in our lives.

It’s not easy to recognize, but psychology has identified seven telltale signs that can signal when this is happening.

In this article, we’ll delve into those signs, helping you decipher the subtle indications that you’ve perhaps moved past a person in terms of growth or compatibility.

This isn’t about pointing fingers or assigning blame. It’s about acknowledging your own progress and understanding that it’s okay to let go if someone no longer aligns with your journey.

So, let’s get started. Here’s what psychology says you should be looking out for…

1) You find their quirks irritating

It’s a common occurrence in relationships – those little quirks that once seemed endearing now seem to grate on your nerves.

This is more than mere annoyance; it’s a key signifier that you may have outgrown someone.

Remember, we all have our peculiarities and idiosyncrasies. They’re part of what makes us unique. But when those quirks of a specific person start to bother you incessantly, it’s time to take notice.

As Carl Jung, a renowned Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, once said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

This increasing irritation could be a reflection of your own growth and the realization that this person may no longer fit into the narrative of your life.

So if you find yourself increasingly bothered by someone’s habits or behaviors, it might be an indication that you’ve moved on, even if you haven’t fully realized it yet.

2) Their company no longer excites you

There was a time when hanging out with this person was the highlight of my week. We’d plan outings, enjoy endless conversations, and share countless laughs.

But lately, I noticed a shift. The anticipation faded and was replaced by a sense of obligation. Our hangouts, once so enjoyable, felt like chores.

This change in feelings is more significant than it might seem at first glance.

According to Abraham Maslow, the famous psychologist known for creating Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, “The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.”

If you’re constantly looking forward to the end of an encounter with someone or finding excuses to cut it short, it might be because your relationship with them has shifted.

You’ve grown in a different direction, and their company no longer aligns with your present needs and desires. It’s a clear sign of outgrowing someone, even if it’s hard to admit it to ourselves.

3) Their values no longer align with yours

Have you ever found yourself questioning the values of someone you used to feel in tune with?

Perhaps they make choices you can’t support or express views that clash with your own core beliefs. This disconnect is another telltale sign that you might have outgrown them.

It’s a hard truth to swallow. We often form bonds based on shared values, and when those values diverge, it can feel like losing a part of yourself. But it’s crucial to honor your personal growth and the evolution of your beliefs.

As Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, wisely noted, “Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.” It’s okay to acknowledge that what you once shared with someone has changed.

Our values are instrumental in shaping who we are. If they no longer align with someone else’s, it could be an indication that you’ve outgrown their presence in your life.

4) You avoid deep conversations with them

Remember those long, heart-to-heart conversations that you used to have? The ones that would last into the wee hours of the morning?

If you’re now steering clear of these in-depth discussions, it’s a sign you may have outgrown this person.

A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that deeper, more substantive conversations are linked to a higher level of happiness. These meaningful exchanges allow us to feel more connected and understood.

However, if you find yourself avoiding these types of conversations with someone because you no longer feel that they understand or relate to your experiences, it’s an indication that your paths have diverged.

You’ve grown in different directions, and the depth that once existed in your conversations has faded, signifying you’ve outgrown this connection.

5) Their achievements no longer inspire you

There was a time when their successes were your successes. You’d cheer them on, inspired by their achievements, and they’d do the same for you.

But recently, I’ve noticed that their accomplishments no longer stir that sense of shared joy in me.

This change in perspective is a significant sign of outgrowing someone.

It’s not about envy or resentment; it’s more about the disconnection you feel when their achievements no longer align with what inspires you.

Renowned psychologist Carl Rogers said, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.”

Change is a part of life and learning. As we grow and evolve, what motivates and inspires us may change, too.

When someone’s accomplishments start to feel distant or irrelevant to your own journey, it may indicate that you’ve outgrown them and are moving on a different path.

6) You feel relieved when plans get cancelled

Here’s a surprising one – feeling relieved when plans with this person get cancelled. It might seem counterintuitive, but the feeling of relief can signal that you’ve outgrown someone.

It’s not about wanting to avoid social interactions in general, but specifically looking forward to not spending time with this particular person.

If their cancellation brings a sense of relief instead of disappointment, it’s time to pay attention.

Psychologist B.F. Skinner once said, “The way positive reinforcement is carried out is more important than the amount.”

If the reinforcement (in this case, the cancellation) brings positive feelings, it’s a clear sign of where you stand regarding this relationship.

Being honest with these feelings can lead to a better understanding of your emotions and help you realize when you’ve outgrown someone.

7) You’ve started to distance yourself

The final indicator is a simple one: you’ve begun to distance yourself from this person. Whether it’s physically or emotionally, creating space indicates that you’ve outgrown the relationship.

As the renowned psychologist Albert Bandura said, “In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy.”

This means we need to trust in our abilities and instincts, even when it involves recognizing that we’ve outgrown someone.

If you’re distancing yourself, trust your intuition. It’s usually right.

Final reflections

Recognizing that we’ve outgrown someone can be a complex and emotionally charged realization. It’s a journey of self-discovery that often requires introspection, honesty, and acceptance.

Remember, outgrowing someone doesn’t necessarily mean you no longer care for them. It’s about understanding that your paths have diverged, your growth has taken different directions.

These signals we’ve covered are not definitive proof, but they can provide a framework to better understand your feelings and relationships.

As we journey through life, it’s essential to surround ourselves with people who align with our growth, values, and aspirations.

And sometimes, letting go is a part of that process. It might be difficult but ultimately, it’s a testament to your personal growth and the evolving narrative of your life.