The most challenging relationship of your life will be someone who displays these 8 habits, according to psychology

I watched a close relationship slowly crumble over the course of two years, and it wasn’t because of one dramatic event.

It was the accumulation of small, toxic patterns that psychology research has identified as relationship killers.

The person involved would turn every disagreement into a personal attack, dismiss genuine concerns with eye rolls and sarcasm, then retreat into complete silence when called out.

What made it so painful was recognizing these weren’t just bad communication habits—they were deeply ingrained behaviors that made authentic connection nearly impossible.

When someone consistently displays certain habits, they create an environment where trust erodes, intimacy becomes impossible, and even the strongest bonds eventually snap.

In this article, we’ll explore eight specific behaviors that research shows make relationships incredibly challenging to maintain.

Let’s dive in:

1. They default to contempt and criticism

Contempt shows up as eye-rolling, sarcasm, name-calling, or that dismissive tone that makes you feel small.

Criticism goes beyond addressing specific behaviors—it attacks your character, your intentions, your worth as a person.

The Gottman Institute found that couples who relied on these patterns during conflict were far more likely to break up later, with contempt being especially destructive.

When someone consistently responds to disagreements with contempt or harsh criticism, they’re not trying to solve problems.

They’re trying to establish dominance.

This creates a cycle where the other person either fights back or shuts down completely.

Neither response leads anywhere healthy.

2. They suppress their feelings instead of addressing issues

Some people treat emotions like dirty secrets that need to be buried.

They’ll smile and say “everything’s fine” while seething underneath, or they’ll completely avoid difficult conversations altogether.

Research shows that hiding emotions during tough conversations disrupts connection and increases stress for both people involved.

When someone consistently bottles up their feelings, they rob the relationship of opportunities to grow and repair.

Problems don’t get solved—they get stored up until they explode or slowly poison the connection.

You end up walking on eggshells, never knowing what’s really going on beneath the surface.

This emotional suppression creates distance even when you’re physically close.

3. They turn everything into a competition

These people can’t let you have a win, a story, or even a bad day without making it about them.

You share an accomplishment and they immediately one-up you.

You’re struggling with something and they launch into how much worse their situation is.

Research reveals that the antagonistic, “must-win/must-be-superior” side of narcissism is directly linked to conflict, lower commitment, and poorer long-term relationship outcomes.

This constant one-upmanship erodes closeness because genuine connection requires vulnerability and mutual support.

When someone treats your relationship like a status contest, they’re more focused on winning than understanding.

They can’t celebrate your successes because they see them as threats to their position.

This creates exhaustion—you start editing yourself, downplaying achievements, or avoiding sharing altogether just to keep the peace.

4. They refuse to take responsibility for their actions

You’ll hear endless explanations about why their behavior wasn’t really their fault.

They blame their mood on traffic, their harsh words on stress, their broken promises on circumstances beyond their control.

When confronted directly, they’ll deflect with phrases like “you’re being too sensitive” or “that’s not what I meant.”

This pattern makes genuine repair impossible because they never actually own their part in creating problems.

Instead of acknowledging hurt they’ve caused, they’ll focus on justifying why they acted that way.

You end up feeling like you’re the problem for even bringing issues up.

Over time, this erodes trust because you realize they’ll never take accountability when things go wrong.

The relationship becomes one-sided, with you constantly adjusting your expectations while they continue the same harmful patterns.

Without accountability, there’s no foundation for real change or growth.

5. They use silent treatment as a weapon

When conflict arises, they disappear emotionally or physically.

They’ll ignore texts, give one-word answers, or act like you don’t exist until you either apologize or drop the issue entirely.

This isn’t taking space to cool down—it’s punishment designed to make you chase after them.

The silent treatment forces you into a desperate position where you’ll say anything to restore connection, even if it means abandoning your legitimate concerns.

They’ve learned this gets them what they want without having to engage in actual problem-solving.

Meanwhile, you’re left guessing what you did wrong and how to fix it.

This pattern teaches you that bringing up problems will result in emotional abandonment.

Eventually, you stop addressing issues altogether, which slowly kills intimacy and breeds resentment.

6. They dismiss your concerns as overreactions

Your feelings get labeled as “dramatic,” “too much,” or “unreasonable” before they’re even fully heard.

They’ll minimize situations that matter to you with phrases like “you’re making a big deal out of nothing” or “I was just joking.”

This invalidation teaches you to question your own emotional responses and doubt your perceptions.

Over time, you start second-guessing yourself before speaking up about anything that bothers you.

They benefit from this because it means fewer confrontations and less accountability for their behavior.

But you lose your voice in the relationship, constantly wondering if your concerns are valid or if you’re really being too sensitive.

This dynamic creates an imbalance where their comfort matters more than your emotional reality.

7. They promise change but never follow through

They’ll apologize beautifully when cornered, making elaborate promises about how things will be different.

You might hear detailed plans about what they’ll do better, when they’ll start, and how committed they are to changing.

But weeks pass and nothing shifts—same patterns, same problems, same conversations on repeat.

When you point this out, they’ll either make new promises or claim they have been trying and you just haven’t noticed.

This cycle keeps you hoping and investing while they continue getting the benefits of your patience without doing any actual work.

You become trapped in potential rather than reality, always believing the next promise will be the real one.

Meanwhile, your needs remain unmet and your frustration grows.

8. They make you responsible for their emotions

Their happiness becomes your job, and their bad moods become your emergency.

If they’re upset, you must have done something wrong or you need to fix it immediately.

They’ll say things like “you make me so angry” or “if you really cared, you’d know what I need.”

This places impossible pressure on you to manage both your emotions and theirs.

You start walking on eggshells, constantly monitoring their mood and adjusting your behavior to keep them stable.

But no matter what you do, it’s never quite enough because the problem isn’t actually your behavior—it’s their inability to regulate themselves.

This dynamic is exhausting and unsustainable because you’re doing emotional work for two people while they take no responsibility for their inner state.

Before we finish, there’s one more thing I need to address about recognizing these patterns in your own relationships.

Final thoughts

These eight habits create relationships that drain rather than nourish, where you’re constantly managing someone else’s emotional landscape while your own needs get pushed aside.

Recognizing these patterns isn’t about labeling people as irredeemable—it’s about understanding when you’re dealing with behaviors that make healthy connection nearly impossible.

The hardest part is accepting that you can’t love someone into changing these deeply ingrained habits.

Real change requires them to recognize the problem and commit to doing the difficult work of transformation.

Your job isn’t to fix them or endure endless cycles of promises and disappointment.

Your job is to protect your own emotional well-being and make conscious choices about what you’re willing to accept in your relationships.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do—for both yourself and them—is to step back and refuse to enable these destructive patterns.

What patterns have you been tolerating that might be keeping you stuck in challenging relationship dynamics?