Nobody cares about your BMW

Last month, I watched my neighbor Dave roll up in his brand-new BMW 5 series. Sixty thousand dollars of German engineering gleaming in his driveway. He stepped out with this subtle swagger, clearly expecting some reaction from me and the other neighbors walking by.

Here’s what actually happened: absolutely nothing.

No one stopped. No one stared. The jogger kept jogging. Mrs. Chen continued watering her plants. I nodded the same polite nod I’d give if he drove up in a Toyota Camry.

Dave looked… confused. Maybe even a little deflated.

Six months later, I saw him at the grocery store, quietly putting back name-brand cereal and reaching for the store brand instead. Turns out that monthly payment was eating into everything else.

Here’s the brutal truth that nobody wants to admit: most of the stuff we think makes us look successful doesn’t. Or worse, it makes us look insecure.

The status symbol trap we all fall into

We live in this weird bubble where we think everyone else is paying attention to our choices. That people are keeping score of our cars, our clothes, our job titles, our Instagram posts.

But here’s what’s actually happening: everyone else is too busy worrying about their own image to care about yours.

Think about the last time you were genuinely impressed by someone’s luxury purchase. Not politely impressed—actually impressed. I’m betting it’s been a while.

We’ve created this exhausting performance where we’re all actors in a play that nobody’s watching. Will Rogers nailed it when he said, “Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people that they don’t like.” 

The BMW, the designer handbag—these probably aren’t making you more respected or admired. They’re making you more stressed, more financially stretched, and ironically, more forgettable.

Because when everyone’s trying to signal status through stuff, having stuff becomes ordinary. It’s background noise.

What actually catches people’s attention? What actually earns genuine respect? It’s not what you might expect.

What people actually notice (and respect)

Here’s what I’ve learned after years of watching people climb over each other for status symbols: the stuff that actually impresses people has nothing to do with price tags.

Last week, I had coffee with two different people. The first guy spent twenty minutes talking about his new Rolex, his corner office, his business class flight to Miami. I found myself checking my phone.

The second person told me about this book she’d just finished and how it completely changed her perspective on creativity. She was animated, passionate, asking me thoughtful questions about my own projects. I left that conversation energized and actually wanting to hang out with her again.

Guess which one I remember?

The Rolex guy could have been wearing a $50 Casio for all I cared. But the woman who was genuinely excited about ideas? She could have driven up in a 2008 Honda Civic and I would have thought she was the coolest person in the room.

This is what actually makes people lean in: authenticity. Curiosity. The ability to have a real conversation without turning it into a humble-brag session.

I’ve noticed that the most magnetic people I know have this quality where they seem completely comfortable with themselves. They’re not performing.

They’re not trying to convince you of anything. They ask better questions. They listen when you answer. They have opinions that are actually their own, not just recycled from whatever podcast everyone else is quoting.

As Rudá Iandê , author of Laughing in the Face of Chaos,  writes, “Most of us don’t even know who we truly are. We wear masks so often, mold ourselves so thoroughly to fit societal expectations, that our real selves become a distant memory.” 

The irony is thick here: we buy expensive things to seem interesting, but interesting people are interesting because they’ve stopped trying to seem like anything other than themselves.

The freedom of being forgettable

I know this sounds backwards, but hear me out: there’s incredible liberation in realizing that most people aren’t judging your choices as harshly as you think they are.

That beat-up car you’re embarrassed about? Most people don’t even register it. That apartment you think is too small? Your friends care more about whether you have good snacks and comfortable seating.

I learned this lesson the hard way during my younger days. I spent way too much money on clothes I thought made me look “professional.” Expensive shirts, fancy shoes, the whole costume. I was convinced people I worked with were keeping track, that my credibility depended on these visual cues.

Years later, I realized none of them could tell you what I was wearing in any given meeting. What they remembered was whether I came prepared, whether I listened to their ideas, whether I followed through on what I said I’d do.

The expensive costume was just expensive. The work spoke for itself.

This shift in thinking—from trying to impress to just being useful—changed everything. When you stop spending mental energy on managing your image, you have so much more bandwidth for the stuff that actually matters.

The real flex nobody talks about

Want to know what quietly impresses people? Financial peace of mind.

Not the flashy kind of wealth that comes with monthly payments and maxed-out credit cards. The boring kind that comes from living below your means, having an emergency fund, not stressing about money.

There’s something unmistakably attractive about a person who isn’t financially anxious. They’re more generous—not with expensive gifts, but with their time and attention. They’re more relaxed in social situations because they’re not calculating whether they can afford to be there. They make decisions based on what they actually want, not what they can barely afford to signal.

I know people who drive ten-year-old cars and live in modest apartments, but they travel when they want to, quit jobs that make them miserable, help friends without thinking twice about it. That kind of freedom is magnetic in a way that no luxury purchase could ever be.

Here’s what I wish someone had told me years ago: nobody’s keeping score of your stuff, but everyone notices how you make them feel. Skip the status symbols. Build the life that actually makes you happy. The people worth impressing will be way more interested in that story than whatever you’re driving.

Your future self—the one not stressed about car payments—will thank you for it.