10 mistakes insecure men make in relationships

by Brendan Brown | January 20, 2024, 9:49 pm

Relationships are tricky.

When insecurities creep in, they can lead to small blunders or big missteps.

For men, sometimes these mistakes come from not feeling confident or sure of themselves.

Let’s dive into 10 common mistakes insecure guys can make in relationships, so they can be avoided or fixed.

1. Overcompensating with extravagance

It’s fantastic to surprise your partner with gifts or take them on lavish dates occasionally.

But when every gesture is grand, it can signal a deep-seated need to ‘prove’ yourself or win affection through generosity.

Many insecure men feel that the bigger the gift or the more expensive the date, the more love they’re showing. However, true connection comes from the heart, not the wallet.

Instead of constantly going big, focus on the small and genuine moments.

A simple surprise breakfast or a heartfelt text can hold more value than the most expensive restaurant

Remember, it’s the thought and intention behind the gesture that matters most.

2. Jealousy over every little thing

Jealousy is the green-eyed monster!

We’ve all felt a twinge of jealousy at some point, but constant suspicion and envy can be destructive.

Insecure men often fear that they’re not “enough” for their partner.

This fear can manifest as a need to keep tabs on whom their partner is spending time with, questioning them about where they’ve been, or feeling threatened by any male friend.

Being protective is one thing, but overly possessive behavior can smother the very essence of a relationship: trust.

Without trust, every text, every laugh shared with a coworker, or even an innocent coffee with a friend can become a cause for concern.

If this resonates, understand that your partner chose you for a reason. 

3. Avoiding conflict entirely

While it may sound like a virtue, steering clear of every conflict isn’t always a good thing.

Insecure men sometimes believe that avoiding disagreements or confrontations keeps the peace and makes them the “perfect” partner.

The underlying thought? “If we don’t fight, everything’s fine.”

But here’s the truth: avoiding conflict can sometimes harm more than it helps.

It means you’re not communicating your true feelings, which can lead to pent-up emotions or unresolved issues.

Plus, it deprives the relationship of an opportunity for growth.

Every conflict, when approached with understanding and empathy, can strengthen the bond between partners.

Remember that it’s not about winning an argument but about understanding your partner’s perspective and finding common ground.

4. Seeking constant validation

Everyone loves to be appreciated, but relying on constant validation from your partner can be exhausting for them.

Insecure men might frequently seek reassurance, often stemming from a fear of not being good enough or worthy of love.

According to a study, people who regularly seek validation in relationships tend to have lower self-esteem.

5. Comparing to exes

One of the pitfalls insecure men can fall into is constantly comparing their current partner to past relationships.

Sentences like, “My ex used to do this…” or “You remind me of someone I dated…” can be detrimental.

Not only does this create unnecessary tension, but it also stops both partners from appreciating and understanding each other’s unique qualities.

6. Over-communicating to seem transparent

In a world where communication is often hailed as the cornerstone of a strong relationship, there’s a counter-intuitive twist: over-communication.

Some insecure men believe that by sharing every minute detail, thought, or feeling, they’re being ultra-transparent and thus, the ideal partner.

However, bombarding your partner with incessant updates, messages, or calls can come across as overwhelming or even suffocating.

While it’s crucial to be open and honest, there’s a fine line between keeping the lines of communication open and oversharing to the point of exhaustion.

7. Using humor as a defense mechanism

Humor can be a fantastic tool for lightening the mood or navigating difficult situations.

But did you know that, sometimes, it’s used as a shield?

Research shows that people often use humor as a defense mechanism to hide their vulnerabilities or deflect from deeper issues.

Insecure men might frequently crack jokes, especially self-deprecating ones, to mask their insecurities or avoid addressing genuine concerns.

While a good laugh is appreciated, consistently using humor to dodge emotional intimacy or serious conversations can hinder a relationship’s depth and growth.

8. Prioritizing their own insecurities over their partner’s needs

While it’s natural to grapple with insecurities, it becomes problematic when a man’s insecurities consistently overshadow his partner’s needs and feelings.

For instance, if a partner shares a worry or achievement, and the immediate response is to relate it back to one’s own insecurities or needs, it can be draining.

Relationships thrive on mutual respect and understanding.

Taking a step back, actively listening, and addressing your partner’s needs fosters a more supportive and balanced relationship.

9. Giving too much space

While it’s often recommended to give space in a relationship, here’s a different angle: sometimes insecure men, fearing they might be too clingy or overwhelming, swing to the opposite extreme.

They may provide so much space that it feels like detachment or neglect.

The thought process might be, “If I give her all the space she needs, she won’t feel suffocated by me.”

But relationships need balance. While everyone values their personal space, completely stepping back can send a message of disinterest or apathy.

10. Assuming they know best

In an attempt to seem more confident or in control, insecure men might often make decisions for both parties without consulting their partner.

Whether it’s picking a restaurant, planning a vacation, or making more significant life choices, they might assume they’re taking pressure off their partner by making unilateral decisions.

However, making decisions without seeking input can feel dismissive or even patronizing. 

Wrapping up

Insecurities can manifest in various ways, impacting our behaviors and relationships.

Recognizing these patterns is crucial.

With understanding and effort, we can foster healthier, more genuine connections with our partners.

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