7 phrases a truly loyal friend will never use with you, according to psychology

Friendship isn’t about agreeing with each other all the time. It’s about being there through thick and thin, and having each other’s backs.

A loyal friend knows the value of honesty, but they also understand the impact that words can have.

Psychologists agree, there are certain phrases a true friend will never use with you. Why? Because these phrases can undermine trust and damage the friendship.

In this article, I’m going to share with you 7 phrases that a truly loyal friend won’t use according to psychology.

This isn’t a rule book, but rather a guide to help you foster healthier and more supportive friendships.

So let’s dive in and shed some light on the language of loyalty.

1) “You’re too sensitive”

The world of psychology has a lot to say about the impact of our words. And one phrase that often pops up in discussion is “you’re too sensitive”.

When a friend uses this phrase, it can feel like your emotions are being dismissed or invalidated. It’s a way of shifting blame instead of addressing the issue at hand.

A truly loyal friend, however, recognises the importance of emotions and wouldn’t use this phrase.

Carl Rogers, one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century, once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

This quote underlines the importance of acceptance in any relationship.

A loyal friend understands this principle. They accept you for who you are – sensitivity and all – and they wouldn’t make you feel like your feelings are a problem.

Instead of dismissing your feelings as oversensitivity, a loyal friend would strive to understand your perspective and offer support.

So if you hear this phrase, it might be time to have a conversation about empathy and understanding in your friendship.

2) “I don’t need you”

We all have moments of independence, but uttering the phrase “I don’t need you” to a friend can cut deeper than we may realise.

A truly loyal friend understands the balance between independence and interdependence and would never make you feel unnecessary or unwanted.

A few years back, I had a friend who would often use this phrase whenever we had a disagreement. At first, I dismissed it as bravado.

But over time, it started to undermine my confidence in our friendship. It felt like I was dispensable, and that’s not what friendship is about.

Renowned psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “We can be genuinely liked only to the degree that we are known.”

This quote underlines the value of vulnerability and mutual dependence in any relationship.

A loyal friend would never make you feel like your presence in their life is optional. They understand the importance of mutual support and would never dismiss your value in their life.

So if you hear this phrase from a friend, it might be worth having a conversation about respect and mutual dependence.

3) “It’s all your fault”

Have you ever been in a situation where a friend blames you for everything that goes wrong? This is a red flag according to psychologists.

Assigning blame, especially when it’s unwarranted, can be incredibly damaging to a friendship.

A truly loyal friend knows that it’s unhealthy and unhelpful to place blame solely on another person’s shoulders.

In my own experience, I’ve found that blame often serves to alienate and hurt, rather than solve the issue at hand. It creates a divide, a ‘you vs. me’ scenario that doesn’t foster connection or understanding.

Famous psychologist Albert Bandura said, “Learning to manage your responses is the root of self-control.”

This quote reminds us that we’re all responsible for our own actions and reactions.

A loyal friend understands this.

They wouldn’t place all the blame on you but rather, they would take ownership of their part in the situation. They recognise that it takes two to tango and that everyone makes mistakes.

If you hear “it’s all your fault”, it may be time to reassess the dynamics of your friendship.

4) “I told you so”

There’s nothing quite like the sting of hearing “I told you so” from a friend when you’re already feeling low.

A truly loyal friend knows how to offer support without resorting to this phrase that often feels more like a jab than genuine help.

Psychologists have found that such responses can create a negative dynamic in relationships.

A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals who regularly say, “I told you so”, are often perceived as less supportive and more critical by their friends.

This phrase can make you feel small, as if your mistakes were inevitable and your judgment is flawed. A loyal friend, on the other hand, knows that everyone makes mistakes.

Instead of using your missteps as an opportunity to assert their superiority, they would offer support and guidance.

So, if you’ve got a friend who frequently resorts to “I told you so”, it might be worth discussing how this phrase makes you feel and exploring more supportive ways to communicate when things go wrong.

5) “You always…” or “You never…”

Generalizations can be harmful, especially when they come from a friend. Phrases that start with “You always…” or “You never…” can make you feel judged and misunderstood.

A loyal friend knows the impact of such words and would refrain from using them.

During my college years, I had a friend who often used these phrases when we had disagreements.

It felt like my entire character was being reduced to one or two behaviors, ignoring all the positive aspects of our friendship.

Psychologist Carl Jung once said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

This quote reminds us that generalizations often reflect more about the person making them than the one they’re directed at.

A loyal friend understands this. They would communicate their concerns more constructively without resorting to sweeping generalizations.

So, if you’ve heard these phrases from a friend, it might be time to talk about how you can communicate disagreements more healthily.

6) “You’re just like your mother/father”

Contrary to what we might think, comparing you to your parents in a negative light isn’t something a loyal friend would do.

Even if it seems harmless or is intended as a joke, this phrase can be hurtful and damaging.

Comparing you to your parents – especially if the comparison isn’t flattering – can make you question your individuality and self-worth.

It can feel like your friend is pigeonholing you based on your family, rather than seeing you as a unique individual.

Psychologist Erik Erikson once said, “In the social jungle of human existence, there is no feeling of being alive without a sense of identity.”

This quote emphasizes just how important our individual identity is.

A loyal friend respects this. They appreciate your unique qualities and would never make you feel like a mere extension of your parents.

If you’ve got a friend who often makes such constant comparisons, it might be time to have a conversation about respect and individuality.

7) “If you were really my friend…”

Conditional statements like “If you were really my friend, you would…” are manipulation in disguise. A loyal friend would never use your friendship as a bargaining tool.

This phrase can make you feel like your loyalty is being questioned, or like you have to prove your friendship by agreeing to whatever follows.

As renowned psychologist William James said, “We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.”

True friends understand this connection and wouldn’t manipulate it for their own gain. If you hear this phrase, it might be time to reassess the dynamics of your friendship.

Final thoughts

Navigating the nuances of friendship can sometimes be as complex as understanding the intricacies of our own minds.

The phrases we use, intentionally or not, can deeply impact our relationships and shape how they grow.

Recognizing these potentially damaging phrases is the first step towards fostering healthier and more supportive friendships.

It’s about creating a space of acceptance, empathy, and mutual respect where everyone feels valued.

Remember, it’s not about blaming or pointing fingers. It’s an invitation for self-reflection and open conversation. Our friendships, just like us, are works in progress.

And as we journey through this beautiful maze of human connection, let’s strive to be the kind of friends we’d want to have. Because in the end, that’s what true friendship is all about.