11 non-obvious signs your partner loves you unconditionally

We all want to be loved. And if you are in a relationship, it’s nice to be reminded of how your partner feels about you.

Unfortunately, it’s human nature for relationships to change over time. Romantic relationships come with very intense feelings that subside over time to be replaced with less intense but more long-term bonding emotions.

And when that happens, it’s important to remember that love remains, even if those early intense feelings don’t.

There are lots of ways we can express love, including in the words we say. But sometimes, it’s the unspoken words that speak louder.

If you think about it, there are probably plenty of signs that your partner loves you unconditionally, even if you haven’t always noticed them.

Here are a few to look out for.

1) They make you a priority

In a relationship, especially a long-term one, it’s easy to take each other for granted. As the euphoric feelings of early love change to the more subdued feelings of long-term companionship, it becomes easier to prioritize other things over our partner.

This is especially true with people who have kids. But it may also happen as you manage your career, care for aging parents, or get caught up in other important tasks.

However, a partner who truly loves you will always make you a priority. 

That doesn’t mean they will do everything you want all the time. But it does mean that they will consult with you before making plans and consider your feelings and needs as much as they do their own.

As relationship counselor Robert Taibbi points out, there are several ways you can continue to prioritize your partner, such as:

• Checking in with each other regularly
• Not getting defensive when your partner raises an issue with you
• Scheduling time together
• Treating each other with respect
• Having intimate conversations
• Solving problems together

If your partner already does all of those, you’re on the right track.

2) They are careful of your feelings

No healthy person wants to hurt the people they love.

But when you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s all too easy to hurt one another, even accidentally.

Ultimately, a big part of human relationships is putting your emotional well-being in the hands of somebody else. The more we care for people, the greater their power to hurt us and that paradox is part of the trust and vulnerability it takes to build a lasting relationship.

It’s easy for us to hurt one another accidentally. But someone who truly loves you will never be careless of your feelings.

That means they will do everything they can to avoid hurting you through their actions or lack of actions. And if they do accidentally hurt you, they will sincerely apologize.

Psychologist Rick Hanson writes that “poor empathy is the core problem in most troubled couples or families; without it, nothing good is likely to happen. With it, even the toughest issues can be resolved.”

If your partner treads carefully around your feelings, it’s a good sign that they truly love you.

3) They turn to you for help

Even the most capable of us need help from time to time. Sometimes it’s with something practical, like hanging a picture or doing the dishes.

Sometimes, the need for help is more emotional.

But however you need help, a partner who loves you will be ready and willing to offer it whenever it is needed.

That’s why my wife does all the grocery shopping, knowing how much I hate it.

It’s why I’m always waiting at the door to help her carry the bags in from the car.

Asking for help is an emotional skill all by itself and one that can take a lifetime to master, especially for people who value their independence. 

But remember that when someone asks you for help, it’s a sign that they not only trust you but respect your ability to provide the help you need. Take it as the sign of deep and committed love that it is.

4) Their actions show they think of you

We all have different love languages. And maybe movies and TV have trained us to expect love to look a certain way, when in reality, it looks very different.

For example, I never once saw my grandparents tell each other they loved each other. But they stayed together through thick and thin for more than 60 years.

Using spoken language is just one way to communicate, and maybe not even the most important one. As the old saying goes, actions speak louder than words.

When my wife returns from the grocery shopping that I refuse to do, she always has some little treat for me that she knows I’ll like. 

And when she gets in the car to find the windshield wiper fluid topped up and the tire inflation checked, she knows what those actions are really saying.

It’s important to tell your partner that you love them. But there are ways to do that without using words that may be even more effective.

5) They make time for you

This should go without saying. But the truth is, we all live busy lives. It’s easy to get caught up in the thousand things we have to do every day and fail to make time for your significant other.

But that’s something someone who loves you will always do.

It can be something big, like scheduling a regular date night that the two of you spend together. Or it can be something small, like ditching on a night out with their friends because they realize they haven’t seen as much of you lately as they should.

Whatever it is, take it as a sign of love that it is.

6) They respect your opinion

Our romantic partners should be the first people we turn to for advice.

If that’s the case with you and your partner, count yourself lucky. 

If your partner looks to you for advice, it means they respect your intellect and judgment, demonstrating that they value you as a person and not just as an accessory to their own life.

7) They don’t judge you

We all mess up from time to time. And loving someone doesn’t mean being oblivious to their flaws and failings. Quite the opposite.

If your partner loves you, they will have enough respect for you to tell you when you’ve messed up. At the same time, they will never judge you for it.

If you have a partner who can criticize your mistakes without making you feel like a bad person, it’s a good sign that they really love you.

8) They support you

This is one of the cornerstones of a happy relationship. People who love each other show up and support each other, both in big ways and in small ones.

It could mean showing up on a rainy day to cheer on a sports team you’re part of. Or it could mean them taking on extra work to make more money so that you can pursue a new business venture or artistic passion.

A recent study found that the more supported people feel in a romantic relationship, the happier they are in that relationship.

Whatever form it takes, it’s one of the clearest signs of a partner who loves you.

9) They listen

It’s true that the more time we spend around people, the less we tend to listen to them.

However, a person who loves you will always listen.

That doesn’t mean their attention won’t drift when you tell a story you’ve told many times before. But it does mean that they will make an effort to listen when it’s important, and put themselves in your shoes to better understand you.

Ultimately, listening is a skill, and it’s one that anybody who loves you will take the time to develop.

10) They don’t try to change you

True love is not controlling.

That doesn’t mean that a long-term romantic partner won’t change you. In fact, they almost certainly will. The best relationships are founded on a sense of mutual growth that helps both partners become a better version of who they are.

But this is change that needs to happen organically.

Someone who loves you loves you as you are. That doesn’t mean they are blind to your faults, but it does mean they won’t try to change you to better fit their conception of how you should be.

Ironically, this kind of love is often far more transformative than any attempt a person might make to deliberately change the way that you are.

11) They compromise

Strong relationships are built on compromise.

Even in the most harmonious relationship, there will be times when the needs and desires of one party conflict with those of the other.

When that happens, it’s important to be able to find a compromise.

Just because someone loves you, it doesn’t necessarily mean they will always let you have your way at the expense of their own needs. But it does mean that they will be willing to compromise. And so should you.

Love shows itself in many different ways

And sometimes, actions speak louder than words.

If your partner displays these behaviors, you should feel confident that they truly love you.