7 non-obvious signs you’re dealing with a narcissist

You know those people who always seem to be the center of attention, who have an uncanny ability to make every conversation about themselves? 

Well, you might be dealing with a narcissist. 

But narcissism isn’t always as obvious as you might think. It’s not just about the person who can’t stop taking selfies or the one who constantly brags about their accomplishments. 

Sometimes, narcissism hides behind a charming smile and a seemingly caring demeanor. 

In this article, we’re going to delve into the 7 non-obvious signs that could indicate you’re dealing with a narcissist.

1) The charm offensive: When charm masks manipulation

Have you ever encountered an individual who appeared almost unbelievably perfect? 

Their words are finely crafted, showering you with attention and making you feel like the center of the universe. 

This charisma, though, isn’t necessarily authentic. 

It might serve as a facade for manipulation, a clever strategy to achieve their own goals.

I recall a former colleague who embodied this phenomenon. 

He had an uncanny ability to win people over with his impeccable charm.

However, as time passed, it became apparent that his affable nature was a smokescreen, concealing a calculated intent to gain favors and control over others.

2) Emotional empathy: The missing puzzle piece

Picture this: you meet someone who radiates a sense of empathy that feels refreshingly real. 

They engage in conversations with an attentive ear, their nods and words assuring you that they truly understand. 

Initially, it’s like a breath of fresh air, as if you’ve stumbled upon a rare gem of emotional connection.

As you continue to interact with them, a question emerges: how can you differentiate between the ones who genuinely feel your emotions and those who merely put on a facade?

How do you discern between authentic emotional empathy and the feigned version, often wielded by those with narcissistic tendencies?

Delving into this dilemma, you start to notice subtle cues. 

While true empathy flows from a place of genuine concern, you realize that the counterfeit version often serves a hidden agenda. 

Those who authentically empathize with you reflect a sincere interest in your emotions and experiences. 

Their support isn’t tinged with self-serving motives.

However, the illusion of empathy often reveals its cracks in the form of inconsistency. 

When dealing with someone who portrays empathy superficially, you might notice a pattern of selective understanding. 

Their nods and comforting words may appear when your emotions align with their narrative, but when the tide turns, their façade falters.

It’s all about intention. 

Authentic emotional empathy thrives on the desire to truly comprehend and connect with your feelings. 

This type of empathy is an embrace that encompasses the highs and lows of your emotions. 

On the other hand, the feigned version is a calculated performance, a mask that slips when it fails to serve their own interests.

3) Passive-aggressive putdowns: The art of subtle insults

I remember this one time I hung out with a guy I met on Tinder. 

It’s a memory that has stuck with me, as it often comes to mind whenever I think about a prime example of this particular personality type. 

The story goes like this:

We were sitting in a cozy café, engaged in what seemed like a casual and lighthearted conversation. 

As we chatted about our interests and shared anecdotes, he suddenly dropped a remark that caught me off guard. 

It was one of those passive-aggressive putdowns, skillfully veiled as a playful comment or even a compliment.

He said something like, “You’re quite ambitious, aren’t you? Always reaching for the stars. It must be nice to have such high hopes.” 

At first, I laughed it off, unsure if he was actually making fun of my aspirations or if I was simply misinterpreting his tone. 

Yet, as our interaction continued, I couldn’t shake off the uneasy feeling that lingered.

It’s fascinating how narcissists have an uncanny ability to wield subtle insults like a double-edged sword.

Their words seem harmless on the surface, yet they carry a hidden sting that leaves you questioning your own perception. 

Am I being overly sensitive? Did he really mean to belittle my dreams? 

These are the thoughts that swirl in your mind, creating a subtle yet potent sense of self-doubt.

This encounter served as a poignant reminder of the art of passive-aggressive putdowns—a tactic that narcissists often employ to assert their dominance or superiority. 

The memory of that café conversation remains a vivid case study, a testament to the intricate dynamics of human interaction and the power of seemingly innocent words to leave a lasting impact.

4) Silent treatment: When silence speaks volumes

There’s no doubt that we’ve all had those moments when we’ve bared our souls, sharing our thoughts and feelings with someone close to us. 

It’s a vulnerable act, one that requires trust and a genuine desire for connection. 

Now, picture this: you’ve opened up, expressing yourself with sincerity, and in return, you’re met with an unsettling void of silence. 

It’s as if your words have evaporated into thin air, leaving you hanging in a sea of uncertainty.

The narcissist’s use of the silent treatment is like a masterstroke in the realm of manipulation. 

It’s a calculated tactic that exerts control in the most subtle yet impactful way. 

When they choose to withdraw their words and presence, they create a void that begs to be filled with self-doubt. 

You find yourself replaying the conversation, searching for clues as to what you might have done to elicit this response. 

It’s a bewildering experience, leaving you trapped in a cycle of overthinking and second-guessing.

5) Gaslighting: Playing with your reality

Simply put, people who engage in gaslighting have a way of turning your world upside down. 

It’s a deeply unsettling manipulation tactic that has a knack for shaking your confidence in your own reality. 

You might find yourself questioning the very ground you stand on, wondering if what you remember and perceive is truly accurate. 

It’s like a psychological game where the rules are constantly shifting, leaving you bewildered and disoriented.

Imagine a scenario where an old friend challenges your perception of a shared experience. 

They may confidently assert that your recollection is inaccurate, painting a different picture altogether. 

In those moments, you might feel a rising sense of frustration and confusion, as if you’re caught in a maze of conflicting narratives.

It’s important to recognize that gaslighting is not a reflection of your mental clarity or stability. 

Instead, it’s a tool used by narcissists to maintain control and dominance. 

By distorting reality and undermining your confidence, they create a power dynamic that serves their own interests.

6) Always the victim: The blame-shifting strategy

I know how tired it can feel when you find yourself in a conversation with someone who constantly seems to sidestep accountability. 

It’s like you’re caught in a never-ending loop of frustration, where any attempt to address a problem leads to them playing the victim card. 

Instead of acknowledging their role in the situation, they skillfully maneuvered the conversation, making themselves out to be the injured party. 

It’s like they have a knack for turning the tables, leaving you grappling with a sense of bewilderment.

This blame-shifting strategy is a hallmark of narcissism, and it can leave you feeling exasperated and drained.

7) Triangulation: Creating drama behind the scenes

I recall a situation that perfectly embodied this concept. 

I was in the middle of a conversation with two friends, discussing a seemingly benign topic. 

But as the dialogue progressed, one of them began subtly weaving in remarks that seemed designed to provoke the other. 

It was like watching a master puppeteer at work, skillfully orchestrating the conversation to provoke tension without directly being involved.

I used to be puzzled by how some individuals could consistently stir up drama and conflict, seemingly out of nowhere. 

Maybe it’s because we don’t naturally think in those terms, so we struggle to understand the motivation behind it. 

But as I delved into the subject, things started to become clearer.

Triangulation is like a backstage drama that plays out in our relationships. 

Imagine this: you find yourself unexpectedly caught in the crossfire of a dispute that has nothing to do with you. 

It’s as if you’re unwittingly cast as a supporting character in a plot you didn’t sign up for. 

This manipulation tactic, often employed by narcissists, is like a well-scripted play, with them pulling the strings from behind the scenes.

Final thoughts 

Navigating the world of a concealed narcissist calls for a watchful eye, the art of establishing firm boundaries, and placing your own well-being front and center. 

Keep in mind, spotting the cues serves as that initial stride in safeguarding yourself against their emotional maneuvers.

At the heart of it, understanding the intricacies of dealing with a hidden narcissist empowers you to reclaim your agency in relationships. 

By sharpening your awareness, standing strong in your boundaries, and prioritizing your emotional health, you pave the way for more authentic connections and a brighter, self-assured future.