People who are genuinely kind but often misunderstood usually display these behaviors (without realizing it)

Are you a good, kind person?

You might think so, and you might be perfectly right. It could be that your heart is always in the right place, you’re sympathetic, and you’re always happy if others are happy, too.

So why is it that people like you are so often misunderstood?

Is it because the world has become so sarcastic and cynical that no one can ever trust real kindness, always looking for a trap or at least a catch?

That could be part of it.

But it’s also just as likely that there are things you’re doing that are giving you trouble. These could be things you’re not even aware of but that are sending people mixed signals, confusing them, or otherwise making it hard to read your kindness for what it is.

So what can you and people like you do if your kindness is constantly being incorrectly interpreted?

It’s best to learn what kind of reading others are getting from you so that you can think about modifying your behavior.

So I hope this article will help you out because people who are genuinely kind but often misunderstood usually display these six behaviors without even knowing it.

1) Being too good

This isn’t so much a specific behavior as an overall image or picture of yourself that you may be projecting.

It might not even be very far from the truth, but it’s probably not the whole truth, so help you. Gosh!

The truth is, try as we might (and trust me, many don’t try at all!), no one is perfect. We all do things once in a while that disappoint us. We all say things that we probably shouldn’t have.

Even the person whose actions are completely free of misdeeds will still have thoughts that aren’t so nice at least once in a while.

No one is that nice.

You know what I mean.

You meet your friend’s new baby for the first time, and though it looks like a goblin crossed with a wiener dog, you say the nice thing and tell them it’s gorgeous. They’re so lucky!

Yep, you’ll seem nice, but that’s not really what you were thinking. At least you took your friend’s feelings into consideration and did what you thought was kind.

But if people only ever hear you say the right thing and do the nice thing, they won’t get the whole picture. They’re not going to know who you really are.

So you know what they’ll do, don’t you?

If a person never seems to show any negative, people start inventing one for them. They might start calling you fake or doubting your motivations.

And soon, every nice thing you do will be counted against you instead of being seen for the kind action it really is.

Give yourself some help here and reveal, at least once in a while, something negative about yourself so others see you as human!

2) Posting kindness for all to see

Social media has proven itself to be a tremendously complex new terrain to navigate.

Some of us do that a lot better than others, building up a following and being able to really influence people.

And some of us, despite our best efforts, shoot ourselves in the foot with social media.

I used to run a charity in Southeast Asia and when social media platforms really started to explode, we thought it was a goldmine. We quickly learned that most people gave to charity more if they got some publicity for it.

I’m not talking about a news article, just their name on the donor’s list or picture in a series of “helping hands” at the end of a video. And if those people posted on their profiles that they helped or donated, it was a huge encouragement for their friends to do the same.

Most of the time.

But there were some odd moments, too. 

Sometimes, people would post about their charitable contributions and get a whole lot of hate. While this may seem hostile and strange, it actually made sense.

People’s motivations were questioned, especially why they felt the need to show off their charity work. Wasn’t the reward supposed to be in the good deeds themselves?

Were they just trying to get attention any way they could?

This is something to think about with your public face. Again, if you only show yourself in a good light, it can make people think you’re fake or something worse. 

3) Being kind in business

There’s been a trend for several decades to view business as a battlefield.

Executives read Sun Tzu’s The Art of War and draw parallels to the business world. Terms like “headhunter” and “getting the axe” give this domain a very cutthroat feel.

So when someone comes along and displays kindness in the business world, they’re very often misunderstood.

Their actions may be interpreted as weak or foolish rather than the actual kindness that they’re truly motivated by.

There’s also a lot of positivity in business circles, don’t get me wrong. People talk about synergy and win-win situations; it’s true. But the overwhelming feeling is still one of competition, and you’d only be kind to a competitor if you don’t really know what you’re doing, right?

If you just answered, “Absolutely not!” you probably think of people before profits, and genuine empathy is one of your biggest values. The only trouble is that most people don’t agree.

So when you’re kind to someone without suspecting their motives or worrying about losing some advantage, most people, unfortunately, are going to question your actions.

4) Being kind to strangers

If your mom taught you not to talk to strangers, but you still do, she failed, right?

Or was that just a simple rule to protect you from harm until you were old enough to be able to assess who to trust accurately?

A lot of people are stuck in the former camp. They think you should more-or-less mind your business. You shouldn’t get involved with strangers because it’s risky, and you never know what kind of Pandora’s box you might open up.

But if you’re someone who has good instincts and genuine empathy for others, you might not see strangers in the same way at all. To you, they’re just people struggling through this crazy thing called life, like all of us are.

So you’ll be inclined to talk to them, be kind to them, or help them when they’re in distress, while others would just walk on by.

Well, the bad news is that a lot of people are going to judge you for this tendency. They might call you foolish, reckless, or just nosey.

And the strangers might actually think the same thing.

So, while you’re motivated by kindness, this can be misunderstood yet again.

5) People-pleasing

There are people out there who, from the very bottom of their hearts, want everyone to be happy and will do anything to bring this about.

At the same time, there are people who want to please others because they want attention, to be needed, or to boost their own self-esteem. Their motivations aren’t magnanimous, even if they don’t realize it.

Instead, they’re self-focused and often selfish.

The challenge is that it’s really hard to tell the difference between these two camps.

After all, they seem the same on the surface. They go around doing favors and things to help others. They try to reduce conflicts. They put others’ interests before their own.

But the subtle differences are there, too.

Truly kind people don’t get put out or walked on like doormats to help others like other people-pleasers. 

Sadly, there are more self-focused people-pleasers than there are selfless ones and most people will lump them all together into one category.

6) Practicing outdated courtesies

This last point is strange, but it’s something that a lot of people don’t realize affects how they are seen by others.

My friend Gordon stands up when a woman joins or leaves the dinner table.

Now, Gordon’s 90 years old and his mom taught him this was a kind and respectful way to behave. As a kind and respectful person, he continues to do it.

However, this kind of gesture is usually interpreted differently in today’s world. Is it a crime to open a door for a lady or give up your seat on the train to an older person?

If you’re motivated by kindness, then no.

But you still might be misunderstood. You could be considered chauvinistic or ageist because what you were taught was courtesy has been re-evaluated in a modern context. 

Conclusion

People who are genuinely kind but often misunderstood usually display these six behaviors without even realizing it.

Unfortunately, though they’re motivated by kindness, these are things that make people think otherwise and can damage a person’s reputation.

So, if you’re one of these people, this list might explain why people often misinterpret your intentions.