People who display these 9 traits are highly sensitive to criticism (without realizing it)

“Oh sorry, when I said “I’m open to feedback” I meant you could give me a compliment.”

I think this meme that I saw one day whilst scrolling away on social media sums up nicely how many of us secretly feel.

Certainly, in my case, it’s funny because it’s true.

It takes a lot of confidence to handle criticism with grace, and we don’t always manage it.

Whilst we may like to think of ourselves as open, many of us still struggle and can become highly sensitive, without even realizing it.

Yet it’s not a sign of our overwhelming arrogance — quite the opposite as we’ll soon see.

People who display the following traits are far more likely to have a really hard time with criticism.

1) They have high levels of emotional intelligence

I’m purposely starting with this one because it may turn some of our assumptions on their head.

Being very sensitive to criticism doesn’t mean you’re self-important or ignorant. It often happens to people who are very tapped into their thoughts and emotions.

Not only that, but it also happens to people who have lots of empathy for others.

That’s why it’s so difficult for them to accept when they may have disappointed someone.

When you have zero self-awareness, you’re less likely to give a damn — no matter what anyone has to say about you.

So it’s those with a higher EQ that can suffer more.

It takes time for them to process the emotional aspect of feedback (because we’re not robots!).

2) They’re people pleasers

We all have a desire to be liked, just to different degrees.

When someone is more likely to seek their validation from external sources than within, it can lead to an imbalance. We become so reliant on the praise and compliments of others.

So when we get negative feedback instead, it can feel truly devastating.

Your entire self-esteem system has been so heavily constructed around what other people think and feel about you, that you lose all perspective.

That’s why the reason why people can show extreme sensitivity to criticism usually comes down to the next thing on our list.

3) They struggle with self-esteem

The more we like ourselves, the easier it is to hear our flaws.

Accepting everything that you are — the good and the bad is the only way we can make peace with ourselves and grow.

When we’re fighting an internal battle to accept our own weaknesses, it is understandably so much more painful to have them reflected back at us.

You’re struggling to come to terms with your own imperfections, and so you are already far more focused on them than you should be.

So when someone else comes along and questions you, it all becomes too much to bear.

4) They are perfectionists

People who hate criticism often expect so much of themselves.

So when they receive any constructive feedback, all they can focus on is the negative.

Even if they’ve received plenty of compliments in amongst it all, their mind hones in on the one thing that they could improve on.  

I remember once this happened to me during a work review. I was temping for the summer, so it wasn’t even like this was my long-term career path with everything riding on it.

My manager spent about 20 minutes complimenting my efforts, highlighting examples of good work, and showing his appreciation for my part in the team.

But when it came to the dreaded “what you can work on moving forward” section of the appraisal, I got stuck.

I walked away thinking that having something to work on meant I was failing. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be any room for improvement!

But that’s the wrong approach. In order to develop, we always should have something to work towards.

This is the typical trap of perfectionism, but sadly, this attitude only leads to the next trait.  

5) They have a fear of failure

When you’re so scared of getting it wrong, you can decide to stay in your comfort zone.

That’s why people who are very sensitive to criticism have a tendency to want to avoid rocking the boat.

The tricky part is, that’s not compatible with growth. All development involves an element of risk.

If you’re so afraid of messing up, you’re not prepared to take that risk. In the process, you end up making your life as small as possible.

6) They are highly sensitive people

There are plenty of plus points to being a HSP, but it does have its downsides too.

One of which is a tendency to emotionally overreact to things.

Highly sensitive people tend to experience a wider spectrum of emotional intensity. That may be nice for all those cuddly and cozy emotions, but it also means they feel the lows much more too.

They usually have a greater depth of processing, which can lead them to ruminate on things.

So if someone says something critical, they have a hard time letting it drop. Instead, they play it over and over in their minds.

All this combined makes HSP more prone to becoming offended and taking feedback as a slight.

7) They take everything personally

You’re more likely to take things personally when you already suffer from a few of the other things on our list — like low self-esteem, perfectionism, heightened sensitivity, etc.

But even when you don’t, it can be very challenging to separate who you are from a particular behavior.

From example:

Let’s say a friend tells you that they think you could have handled a situation a bit better.

Rather than recognize it’s your actions in this one circumstance they are questioning, it can feel like it’s who you are as a person that they are questioning.

Sometimes we even end up taking things to heart when it’s got very little to do with us, and says far more about the other person.

In these cases, we’d all do well to remember the words of Don Miguel Ruiz in The Four Agreements when he says:

“Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”

8) They’re defensive

Defensiveness is usually way harder for us to spot in ourselves than for other people to pick up on. Sometimes it is as subtle as a change in tone of voice or a shift in body language.

But every time we:

• Make excuses
• Get our back up straight away
• Make jokes to deflect
• Seek to attack by pointing out the other person’s flaws

…it’s retaliation sparked by our defense mechanism.

When we’re feeling attacked we don’t always realize all the ways we try to dismiss or diminish what we are hearing.

9) They’re defeatist

When we fall into a fixed mindset, we’re more likely to say to ourselves, “What’s the point”.

We can find ourselves slipping unwittingly into victim mode. The first bit of criticism or knockback feels like the end of the line.

But really it’s just a part of the journey.

We all probably know that success inevitably involves some struggle. But accepting this when we encounter it can be an entirely different thing. Rather than put it into perspective, we can catastrophize and blow it out of proportion.

When that happens, we’re more inclined to want to give up.

There’s no getting around it, a thicker skin is required if we are to find the strength to persevere.

It’s not always you, sometimes it’s them

Whilst it will help your personal growth to learn how to better accept people’s opinions of you, let’s make one thing clear:

There is a big difference between criticism and constructive feedback.

Okay, sometimes we can have a problem receiving either. But how the criticism is delivered does make a difference.

The fact is, not only don’t we have to, but we shouldn’t take on board every negative thing someone throws our way.

How we respond to perceived criticism depends a lot on:

• The other person’s intention (and whether they have our best interest at heart)
• Our relationship with the person (whether they have a right to express what they’re saying)
• The way in which someone puts their point across

Being open to some critique doesn’t mean you should learn to sit there and take toxic criticism that’s hurled at you.

This doesn’t make you gracious, it’s a sign your boundaries need reinforcing.