People who lack confidence often display these 9 behaviors (without realizing it)

Confidence, or a lack thereof, can say a lot about a person.

But sometimes, those without confidence aren’t even aware of how their behavior broadcasts their self-doubt.

It’s not always easy to spot, but when you know what to look for, it becomes clear: these subtle behaviors are tell-tale signs of a lack of confidence.

Now, I don’t mean to say that people who exhibit these behaviors are somehow lesser.

Quite the opposite. Identifying these patterns is the first step towards addressing them and building up that much-needed self-assurance.

So let’s dive right in. Here are nine behaviors often displayed by those lacking confidence – and most of the time, they don’t even realize they’re doing it.

1) Over-apologizing

We’ve all encountered that person who apologizes for everything, right? Even when there’s absolutely no need to.

It’s an easy trap to fall into. Saying sorry can seem like the polite thing to do, especially when you’re unsure or uncomfortable. But when it becomes a reflex, it’s often a sign of lacking confidence.

Apologizing excessively can give the impression that you’re constantly in the wrong, even when you’re not. It’s a way of preemptively taking the blame, perhaps out of fear of criticism or confrontation.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Apologizing when you’ve made a mistake is important. It shows accountability and empathy. But if you’re saying sorry for simply existing or expressing your thoughts and feelings, then it’s time to reassess.

Everyone has the right to occupy space and voice their opinions – including you.

When you find yourself about to apologize unnecessarily, try to catch yourself.

You’re more than entitled to be heard, without any apologies attached.

2) Avoiding eye contact

I remember a time when I was so lacking in confidence that maintaining eye contact felt like a Herculean task. I’d look anywhere but at the person I was talking to, scared that they’d see my insecurity if our eyes met.

Avoiding eye contact is a common behavior among those who lack confidence. It’s as if we believe that by not looking at someone, we can hide our insecurities or avoid potential rejection.

But here’s the thing: while it might make you feel safe in the moment, avoiding eye contact can actually make you come across as disinterested or untrustworthy. People connect through this shared gaze, it’s part of human communication.

So, take it from someone who’s been there. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but try to meet people’s eyes when you’re talking to them. It shows them you’re engaged and helps establish a connection.

And honestly? The more you do it, the easier it gets.

3) Negative self-talk

We all have an inner narrative. It’s that voice in our head that comments, critiques, and sometimes downright criticizes. But did you know that our subconscious mind can’t distinguish between reality and imagination?

People who lack confidence often have a particularly negative inner dialogue. They might tell themselves they’re not good enough, smart enough, or simply enough. This constant barrage of self-deprecation can not only reinforce their lack of confidence but also affect their overall mental well-being.

Changing this narrative isn’t easy, but it’s crucial. Start by catching yourself when you fall into negative self-talk.

Challenge those thoughts with more positive, constructive ones.

Over time, you’ll notice a shift in your inner dialogue — and hopefully, in your confidence too.

4) Fear of taking risks

Stepping out of your comfort zone can be scary. It involves uncertainty, potential failure, and the possibility of criticism. For people who lack confidence, this fear can be paralyzing.

They might stick to what they know, even if they’re not happy with it. They might pass on opportunities because they’re afraid they won’t be able to handle it. They might even sabotage their own success because they don’t believe they deserve it.

But here’s the thing: growth happens outside of our comfort zones. It’s only by taking risks and facing our fears that we learn and develop.

So, if you find yourself avoiding risks out of fear, try to take small steps to challenge yourself. You might be surprised at what you can achieve.

5) Overthinking

Overthinking is a common behavior for those lacking confidence. They might replay conversations in their heads, analyzing every word and reaction. They may spend hours worrying about future scenarios, anticipating everything that could possibly go wrong.

This constant rumination is mentally exhausting and often leads to a state of analysis paralysis, where making decisions becomes difficult because of the fear of making the wrong one.

If you find yourself stuck in this cycle of overthinking, it can be helpful to practice mindfulness.

Focus on the present moment, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

It’s easier said than done, but with practice, it can really make a difference.

6) Struggling to accept compliments

Sometimes, the kindest words from others can be the hardest to hear, especially when you’re lacking in confidence. You might brush off compliments or downplay your achievements, feeling like you don’t truly deserve the praise.

It’s a heartbreaking behavior, really, because everyone deserves to be recognized for their accomplishments and positive qualities. But for those who lack confidence, believing in their own worth can be a challenge.

If you struggle with accepting compliments, try to simply say “thank you” next time someone praises you.

You don’t need to downplay or deflect it. Just allow yourself to take it in.

And remember, it’s okay to be proud of your achievements. You’ve earned it.

7) Perfectionism

I’ve always been a bit of a perfectionist. For a long time, I thought it was a strength. I prided myself on my attention to detail and high standards.

But then I realized, it was also a sign of my lack of confidence.

I was constantly striving for perfection because I was afraid that anything less would be seen as a failure.

I would spend hours obsessing over the smallest details, convinced that one tiny mistake would ruin everything.

But let me tell you, perfection is an impossible standard. It’s okay to make mistakes. In fact, mistakes are how we learn and grow.

So if you find yourself caught in the trap of perfectionism, try to give yourself permission to be imperfect. It’s not easy, but it’s so worth it.

8) Difficulty making decisions

Making decisions can be tough, especially when you lack confidence. The fear of making the wrong choice and facing potential consequences can lead to indecisiveness.

You might find yourself constantly seeking others’ opinions before making a decision, doubting your own judgment. Or maybe you procrastinate, avoiding the decision altogether.

If this sounds familiar, remember that no one always makes the perfect choice. It’s a part of life to occasionally get things wrong. The important thing is learning from these experiences.

With each decision you make, you’re growing and gaining more wisdom for future choices. So trust yourself and remember, it’s okay to make mistakes.

9) Constant comparison with others

In an age of social media, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others. But it’s important to remember that what we see online is often a highlight reel, not a true depiction of someone’s life.

People lacking confidence often measure their worth based on how they stack up against others.

This constant comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy and reinforce self-doubt.

But the truth is, everyone has their own unique path and pace in life. Your worth is not determined by how you compare to others, but by your own journey and growth.

So try to focus on your own progress and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem. You are enough just as you are.

Final thoughts: The power of self-compassion

At the heart of confidence, or a lack thereof, lies our relationship with ourselves.

Research by Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field of self-compassion, suggests that how we treat ourselves significantly impacts our self-esteem and confidence.

Those lacking confidence often have a harsh inner critic, berating themselves for every little mistake.

But Dr. Neff’s work suggests that practicing self-compassion – treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we’d show a friend – can help silence this critic.

Self-compassion involves acknowledging our imperfections, recognizing that everyone has struggles, and being mindful of our negative thoughts without letting them define us.

It’s not an overnight fix. Like any skill, it takes practice. But if you can learn to be kinder to yourself, to celebrate your strengths and embrace your flaws, you might just find that confidence you’ve been searching for.

And remember: it’s okay to seek help if you need it. Whether it’s from a trusted friend, family member, or a mental health professional, there’s no shame in reaching out. After all, we’re all just human, doing the best we can.