8 phrases emotionally mature people never use during an argument

If you’ve ever been in a heated argument with someone, you know how quickly words can escalate the situation.

Emotionally mature people often have a different approach to arguments – they avoid certain phrases that may provoke or intensify the conflict.

These individuals understand that what they say during an argument can either fuel the fire or help to resolve the issue.

So they choose their words carefully, avoiding language that can trigger defensiveness or resentment.

This isn’t something they’re born with, but a skill they’ve developed over time.

In this article, we’ll explore 8 phrases emotionally mature people never use during an argument.

Understanding these phrases could improve your own communication style and help you navigate conflicts more effectively.

1) “You always…” or “You never…”

These are two phrases you’ll rarely hear from an emotionally mature person during an argument.

Why?

Because they understand the power of absolute language, and how it can escalate a disagreement into a full-blown fight.

These phrases suggest that the person’s behavior is unchanging and constant, which is rarely the case.

When you use “always” or “never” in an argument, it can come across as accusatory and dismissive of any growth or change the other person has made.

It can make them feel cornered and defensive, which is not productive for resolving the conflict.

Emotionally mature people are careful to avoid these absolutes.

Instead, they focus on the specific behavior or incident that caused the disagreement in the first place.

They talk about how it made them feel and what could be done differently in the future.

This approach is less likely to provoke defensiveness and much more likely to lead to understanding and resolution.

2) “I’m calm, why aren’t you?”

This might seem like a reasonable question during an argument, especially if you’re the one maintaining your cool.

However, emotionally mature people know better than to use this phrase.

While it may appear as an invitation for the other person to calm down, it’s often perceived as patronizing or dismissive.

It implies that the other person’s emotional response is unjustified or overblown, which can lead to more frustration and anger.

People have different emotional thresholds and responses.

Emotionally mature people recognize this and treat each person’s feelings with respect.

They don’t compare emotional reactions but instead focus on addressing the issue at hand in a respectful manner.

Rather than pointing out the difference in emotional states, they might say something like, “I can see this is really upsetting you, let’s take a moment to cool down,” which acknowledges the other person’s feelings without belittling them.

3) “If you really loved me, you would…”

Emotionally mature people steer clear of this phrase during arguments.

It’s a form of emotional blackmail that uses guilt to manipulate the other person into agreeing or behaving in a certain way.

The problem with this statement is that it equates love with compliance, suggesting that disagreement or different perspectives are signs of lack of love.

This is not only unfair but also unhealthy for a relationship.

Love should never be used as a bargaining chip or a means of control.

Instead, emotionally mature people understand that true love involves respect for each other’s opinions and feelings, even when they differ.

Using this phrase can induce feelings of guilt and obligation, which can lead to resentment over time.

It’s much healthier to express your needs and desires directly, without tying them to the other person’s love or commitment.

4) “Why can’t you be more like…?”

Emotionally mature individuals avoid comparing their partner to others during an argument.

This phrase can be deeply hurtful, as it implies dissatisfaction with the person’s character or behavior and a wish for them to change who they are.

Every person is unique, with their own strengths and weaknesses.

Emotionally mature people understand this and appreciate their loved ones for who they are.

They know that comparisons often lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment.

Instead of wishing for their partner to be different, they focus on constructive communication.

They express their needs and listen to their partner’s perspective, working together to find common ground and solutions that strengthen their relationship.

Respecting each other’s individuality and acknowledging each other’s feelings are key aspects of emotional maturity in a relationship.

5) “Whatever”

We’ve all been there. In the middle of an argument, feeling overwhelmed or exasperated, the word slips out: “Whatever.”

While it might seem like a harmless way to end a conflict, emotionally mature people understand that this phrase can cause more harm than good.

It signals disinterest and dismissal, suggesting that you’re no longer willing to engage in meaningful conversation.

It can leave the other person feeling unheard and unvalued.

Engaging in an argument means sticking with it until a resolution is reached, even if it’s a compromise or agreement to disagree.

Emotionally mature people know the importance of this commitment.

They understand that “whatever” doesn’t resolve the issue at hand; it merely postpones it.

Instead of resorting to dismissive phrases, they aim for understanding and resolution, recognizing that every argument is an opportunity for growth.

6) “This is just like the time when…”

Emotionally mature individuals avoid bringing up past arguments or mistakes during a current disagreement.

It’s as if you’re in the middle of a disagreement about household chores and suddenly you’re reminded of that one holiday dinner when your partner forgot to bring home the cranberry sauce.

This phrase can derail the conversation and turn a simple argument into a litany of past transgressions.

It’s not productive and can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration.

Instead, emotionally mature people focus on the issue at hand.

They don’t use past mistakes as ammunition, but try to resolve the present conflict.

They understand that everyone makes mistakes and the past should remain in the past.

Bringing up old issues doesn’t solve the current problem. It’s better to stay focused, address one issue at a time, and move forward together.

7) “Fine, you’re right”

This might sound like a concession, but emotionally mature people see it for what it often is – a passive-aggressive way to end the argument without truly resolving the issue.

Just saying “you’re right” to get the argument over with may bring temporary peace, but it can lead to long-term damage.

It avoids the deeper issue at hand, and can breed resentment over time.

Emotionally mature people don’t take shortcuts in arguments.

They know that genuine resolution takes time, effort, and sometimes, uncomfortable conversations.

They are committed to understanding each other’s perspectives and reaching a mutual agreement or understanding.

So, instead of just conceding for the sake of ending the argument, they push for clear communication and real resolution. 

8) “You’re overreacting”

This is perhaps one of the most damaging phrases one can use during an argument.

It invalidates the other person’s feelings and experiences, making them feel small and dismissed.

Emotionally mature people understand that everyone has a right to their feelings – even if they don’t fully understand or agree with them.

They respect their partner’s emotions and listen to their concerns with empathy and understanding.

Instead of dismissing their feelings as an overreaction, they seek to understand why their partner feels the way they do. They:

• Ask questions
• Listen actively
• Work together towards a resolution that respects both parties’ feelings and perspectives

Acknowledgment and understanding are key in any argument.

Even if you don’t agree with the other person’s perspective, acknowledging their feelings can go a long way in resolving conflict and building a stronger relationship.

Final thoughts

Navigating disagreements in a respectful and productive manner is the cornerstone of emotionally mature communication.

And while this article has outlined phrases to avoid during an argument, it’s all about understanding, respect, and empathy at the end of the day.

Being emotionally mature means having the wisdom not to let disagreements derail your relationships but to use them as stepping stones towards deeper understanding and connection.

This guide is here to assist you in fostering healthier conversations, but the choice to apply these insights is yours. 

Here’s to cultivating more meaningful, respectful dialogues in your life!