20 phrases introverts can use to turn small talk into a meaningful conversation

Imagine you’re at a party, standing in a corner, nursing your drink and trying to muster up the energy to dive into the sea of small talk that lies before you. Fear!

You’re probably an introvert. And that’s okay. I am too and I consider it my superpower.  

Maybe you’ve found yourself at a networking event, dreading the prospect of engaging in superficial chit-chat. Introvert, I’ve been there and done that. Don’t fret. 

While introverts are often masters at navigating deep, introspective territories within, when it comes to making idle conversation, we sometimes feel like fish out of water.

But here’s the thing, my fellow introverts: Just because you prefer meaningful conversation over small talk doesn’t mean you need to dread social settings or avoid them altogether. 

There are ways to turn those dreaded moments into opportunities for connection, understanding, and even inspiration. The key lies in redirecting the conversation from superficial to substantive topics—something we introverts excel at.

So get ready. Here we share 20 phrases that can pivot small talk into a meaningful exchange. Think of these as your secret weapons to wield whenever you find yourself lost in a sea of idle chitchat.

1) “What’s your story?”

Everyone has a story, and people usually appreciate the chance to share it. This phrase can lead to a more in-depth conversation about where they come from, their journey, and experiences that have shaped who they are.

2) “What are you passionate about?”

This question moves away from mundane topics, like the weather, and towards something that people can speak about with genuine enthusiasm. Learning about someone’s passions can give you an intimate look at their motivations, dreams, and values.

3) “What’s the best book you’ve read recently?”

Books can give insight into a person’s interests, perspectives, and values. It opens the door to a deeper conversation about ideas, lessons, or concepts that the book brought to life for them.

4) “What’s the biggest challenge you’re facing right now?”

Asking this shows that you’re interested in their life beyond small talk. It offers the person an opportunity to share something personal, and potentially, something that they may need help or advice on.

5) “How do you spend your free time?”

This inquiry allows for the discovery of shared interests, hobbies, or activities. It can lead to fascinating discussions about one’s love for gardening, a recent hiking adventure, or a unique craft project.

6) “What’s the most interesting thing you’ve learned recently?”

This conversation starter invites sharing of knowledge and may lead to an intellectually stimulating discussion. You’re likely to learn something new, too.

7) “What was the highlight of your day (or week)?”

This one encourages a positive mindset while letting you in on what makes them happy. It can also provide a glimpse of their daily life and what they value most.

8) “If you could bring back to life three people, who would they be?”

This fun and intriguing question can reveal much about a person’s interests, values, and historical periods or cultures they are fascinated with.

9) “What’s something you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t yet?”

This can spark a conversation about goals, ambitions, and bucket lists. It allows for the sharing of dreams and can lead to a motivating, inspiring discussion.

10) “What’s something you wish people knew about you?”

Isn’t this one so fun you want to answer it yourself?This question provides an opportunity for them to share something personal that isn’t typically brought up in everyday conversation, showing them that you’re interested in getting to know them on a deeper level.

11) “I’ve been trying to read more lately. Can you recommend a good book you’ve read in the past?”

Putting yourself at the forefront of the question is also a great move. It shows you’re interested in a mutual connection. And this is a genuine one where you’ll also benefit from the answer. 

12) “Have you picked up any new skills or hobbies recently? I’m always looking for new ideas.”

I love this question because it gives the other person an opportunity to showcase things they love to do. Plus, it’ll help enhance your life if they have a good suggestion you can try!

13) “I’ve been pondering about this recently. What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?”

This one is so deep, and will definitely give the other person you’re having a conversation with a moment to really think about their answer. For that reason, it’s such a good one to bring up and will spark some interesting responses. 

14) “Do you have a personal motto or a quote that you live by?”

Some people are so connected with their personal motto that it’ll tell you so much about them. In the process of hearing their answer, you’ll also learn the deepest things about this person you’re trying to get to know. 

15) “If you could have dinner with any person, living or dead, who would it be and why?”

A common ice breaker, this one is a great go-to that can either spark debate or a mutual understanding. It can then segue into either defending an answer or agreeing with each other and bonding. 

16) “What’s one thing you learned about yourself lately?”

Want to really understand someone? This question will get you there. It will tell you what someone values about their personality. The characteristic this will reveal will also teach you who this person really is and what they strive towards. 

17) “I’m curious, what was a turning point in your life?”

If someone has lived a life full of ups and downs, this is a great one to inquire about. Can you pinpoint a turning point in your life? Get it ready because they’ll likely ask, “How about you?”

18) “What’s a cause or organization you feel strongly about?”

What better way to get to know someone than by finding out who and/or what they advocate for. Let’s just hope the answer is not a highly debated topic, or you’ll need to back away and change the subject. So be ready. 

19) “What’s something you’ve done that you’re really proud of?”

Allowing someone the opportunity to tout an accomplishment is a great way for them to open up to you. Introverts might not be the easiest people to be vulnerable around, but this question will get people to let their guard down for sure! 

20) “I’ve been trying to practice gratitude more. What’s something you’re grateful for today?”

Last but certainly not least, finding out about what someone is thankful for is a surefire way to get to know them.

Understanding what they value or were happy about is such a nice way to open up a connection. It’ll also give you ideas of things to be grateful for too! 

Remember, while these phrases can help turn small talk into meaningful conversation, it’s also important to actively listen and respond thoughtfully to the person you’re talking to. 

It’s this exchange and engagement that will turn an ordinary chat into a meaningful connection.

Why introverts have a hard time with small talk

As we’ve gone over in this article, introverts often have a hard time with small talk because of their natural inclination towards deep, meaningful conversations and introspective thought processes. 

For many introverts, small talk can feel shallow, superficial, or even draining. I get so frustrated when people don’t understand this of me and my fellow introverts.

Since us introverts typically recharge from their internal world of thoughts and ideas, rather than external stimuli, making idle chit-chat feel less satisfying and more energy-consuming.

Small talk often involves discussing surface-level topics that do not allow introverts to make the deep connections they crave. And since introverts thrive on understanding and connecting with others on a profound level, they often feel more comfortable exploring complex ideas, personal experiences, and deep emotions. 

Simply, we seek quality over quantity in our interactions, which can make the brief, casual nature of small talk feel frustrating or unfulfilling. Sigh. 

Moreover, us introverts also often think before we speak. We take our sweet time to process information and articulate our thoughts, okay?

Since small talk generally requires quick, spontaneous responses, we find it challenging. Give us a slower, more thoughtful pace of conversation, and we’ll be golden. 

How to know if you’re an introvert

We know it’s hard for some introverts to start a conversation. And for this reason, introverts are often misunderstood as shy or antisocial, but these stereotypes don’t capture the full picture. 

Introverts recharge by spending time alone and prefer quality over quantity when it comes to social interactions. They often enjoy solitary activities, like reading or writing, and tend to think before they speak. 

A downside for introverts is being highly sensitive to external stimulation, such as loud noises or large groups of people. Is this you?

Many introverts will opt for meaningful one-on-one conversations or small group gatherings with close friends. They may be quiet, but they’re also observant and deeply thoughtful, often with rich inner worlds.

Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum, being an introvert is not something to overcome. It’s a part of who you are, and it comes with its own set of strengths. 

By knowing how to navigate social interactions in a way that feels right for you, you can form deep, rewarding connections with others. 

So go ahead and embrace your introverted nature—it’s something to be proud of!