8 phrases manipulative people use to undermine your self-confidence

You meet someone charming, attentive, and seemingly head over heels for you. But as time goes on you start feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, doubting your own judgment, or worse, questioning your sanity.

If this sounds all too familiar, you might be dealing with a manipulator.

Here are 8 phrases to look out for in order to spot a manipulator.

1) “That’s not what you said/did.”

Have you ever been so sure you remembered something a particular way, only for your partner to keep insisting you’re mistaken? It can get to a point where they repeat it so often that you begin to doubt your own sanity.

It’s quite likely that you’re experiencing gaslighting, a sneaky manipulation tactic that can make you feel like you’re living in a psychological thriller. 

I went through it with one of my exes, where it all began with him denying things he said and eventually claiming I promised things I knew I’d never said. 

If you’re wondering why manipulators do this, it’s to mess with your sense of reality and make you doubt yourself.

It can turn into a bit of a vicious circle – as your confidence takes a nosedive, you become more susceptible to manipulation.

2) “I know we have been going out for a month, but I think I love you.”

Have you ever met someone who swept you off your feet from the very start? They flood you with affection, attention, and sweet nothings, leaving you feeling like you’re walking on air.

While it feels magical, beware of love bombing! Manipulators use this tactic to create an overwhelming romance that’s too good to be true.

They’re not genuinely head over heels for you; they’re just trying to make you fall head over heels for them.

Those “OMG, me too!” moments might just be the setup for a false reality. I’m not saying you should doubt every good match, but if your gut feeling tells you that something seems too good to be true, it might very well be. 

Trust your instinct.

3) “Deal with my silence.”

As opposed to excessive love, one day you say or do something that doesn’t sit well with your partner. Instead of addressing it like adults, they decide to give you the silent treatment.

This is a manipulative tactic to control and punish you. By withholding communication and emotional support, they make you feel powerless.

There’s a good reason behind the saying: effective communication is the key to a successful relationship. When a manipulator intentionally avoids addressing the issue and tosses that notion aside, it shakes the foundation of the relationship, making you question every decision you’ve made.

One of my less pleasant encounters with a manipulative close friend involved her constantly leaving me questioning my actions.

Instead of discussing issues when things didn’t go her way or when she misunderstood something, she’d resort to silent anger. 

This behavior made me increasingly anxious around her, and our friendship eventually became nothing but a burden.

4) “I can’t believe you did that.”

Ever been accused of something you didn’t do? Manipulators are experts at projecting their negative traits onto others. 

They shift the blame and responsibility, making you feel guilty or like the villain, even when you haven’t done anything!

I can still recall the time when my ex accused me of being unfaithful just because I kept seeing a close childhood friend. He was convinced that these close friendships always turned into something more, and he made it clear that he didn’t trust me.

After that relationship ended, I figured out that he was seeing this other person while we were dating. Classic Projection.

It’s like you’re living in a twisted reality TV show, but you didn’t sign up for this drama. 

5) “I thought you were different, but I guess I was mistaken.”

If you find yourself feeling guilty when you are around your partner, like you are not enough or doing enough, then it is time to self-reflect.

A manipulating personality thrives on undermining your confidence by making you feel responsible for their happiness or problems.

You have to come to terms with you not being responsible for anyone’s happiness but your own. 

Guilt-tripping is a manipulative tactic that can make you feel obligated and emotionally manipulated into doing things you might not want to do.

6) “You don’t need your friends; I’m enough.”

Picture this: you’re cut off from your usual circle of friends and family, and your partner becomes your only source of social interaction and emotional support.

Manipulators often employ isolation to control you, using phrases like, “Why do you want to go out with your friends? Am I not fun enough?” or expressing concerns like, “I really am not getting good vibes from your family lately,” all with those pleading puppy eyes.

If you consistently hear these sorts of remarks whenever you try to socialize with anyone else, it’s a red flag you should pay attention to.

By cutting off your external sources of support and validation, they aim to make you increasingly reliant on them. It’s as if they’ve constructed an invisible wall around you, slowly stacking bricks without you even realizing it.

7) “Why is this happening to me?”

Some manipulators are like professional actors. They play the victim role to get your sympathy and support, painting themselves as the innocent suspect.

A person can be misunderstood but only so many times. If they’re always at the receiving end of everyone’s bad side, then there is only one common factor, and that is them.

If your partner is always pointing fingers at others and never owning up to their mistakes, it’s time to get curious.

8) “Trust me, I’ve got it all covered.”

Ever had someone make grand promises that they never fulfilled? They create high expectations but always underdeliver.

It’s like a never-ending cycle of disappointment, and it’s all part of their plan to keep you hooked.

This is one of the oldest tricks in the playbook of manipulation.

It is most commonly used when they feel lacking in their actions towards you. So don’t go into la-la-land at the slightest hint of exaggerated promises. 

Actions always speak louder and clearer than words.

Final thoughts:

Now that you’ve got the inside scoop on these classic manipulation tactics, you’re better equipped to connect the dots and protect yourself from them.

Remember, you deserve a relationship filled with love, trust, and genuine connection. If you ever find yourself entangled with a manipulative person, it’s okay to walk away. 

Your emotional well-being should always be a priority.