6 phrases narcissists use to play the victim and guilt-trip you

Hopefully your narcissist spotting skills are getting more honed with every article you read…

But, if you need some extra pointers on how to spot a narcissist out in the wild (because they are unimaginably good at hiding amongst the kind and compassionate out there), you’ve come to the right place.

Spotting a narcissist or a manipulator takes time and practice.

And in all honesty, dealing with these wily and cunning individuals is best avoided as the damage from developing a relationship with one can leave extreme damage upon a person’s self-worth.

So if you haven’t yet had the pleasure (or pity) of interacting with a narcissist, here’s your chance to learn the 7 phrases they commonly use to play the victim and guilt-trip you.

Armed with these, you’ll be able to spot them miles off and prevent them from wrecking any damage in your life.

1) “You’re overreacting.”

The classic, usually accompanied by a cruel sneer.

This phrase is an oldie and a goodie in the narcissist’s playbook. It’s a highly cunning way of invalidating your feelings and making you question your own perception. 

After all, you’ve expressed your dissatisfaction or discomfort about something they’ve done. You know that their actions or words were ridiculously hurtful…

Yet instead of acknowledging their behavior or taking ownership of it, they flip the script and paint you as overly emotional or sensitive.

In essence, they’re saying: “the problem isn’t what I did; it’s your reaction to it.”

This tactic, known as gaslighting, can be so very damaging. It can lead you to doubt your instincts and makes you feel guilty for expressing your feelings.

So next time someone tells you that you’re overreacting, take a step back. 

Ask yourself, is it:

• a genuine observation,
• or a manipulative tool to make you feel like the guilty party? 

Be vigilant, because recognizing such phrases is the first step in protecting yourself from such narcissistic manipulation.

2) “No one else has a problem with this like you do.”

Eeek!

This one paints you out as the fun-sponge, the bore, the Karen, the one who has no sense of humor.

Typically applied to inconsiderate and inappropriate jokes that don’t land well, you’re painted out as the bad guy for speaking up and telling them such a tone isn’t on.

Who knows who laughs at these horrid comments elsewhere in the narcissist’s life. 

Chances are, no one.

Yet this phrase is another common tool designed to isolate you, making you feel like you’re the only one with an issue – thereby invalidating your concerns.

With these words, they’re implying: “if everyone else is okay with it, then the problem must lie with you.”

But the truth is, just because others are silent doesn’t mean they’re not uncomfortable. Or that they don’t speak up too.

Everyone has a different threshold of tolerance and voicing your concerns doesn’t make you the odd one out.

So, if someone dismisses your feelings with this phrase, remember – it’s not about who else has a problem with it.

It’s about how it affects you, so trust your feelings and stand your ground.

3) “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.”

Cue wobbling bottom lip and weepy eyes; this phrase is a classic trump card that narcissists play.

It’s a sneaky way of shifting the focus from their behavior to your reaction. 

So, instead of addressing your concerns, they twist the narrative to make it about how you’re ‘hurting’ them. 

Suddenly, you start feeling bad – when you didn’t even act maliciously in the first place!

But remember – you haven’t acted poorly. 

In fact, you’ve taken a stand in expressing your feelings and setting boundaries. And that is an incredibly healthy and crucial part of any relationship.

But by framing it as an attack on them, they’re trying to guilt-trip you into backing down and going back to being submissive (so they can do what they want, when they want.)

So, the next time you hear this phrase, remember: expressing your feelings or setting boundaries isn’t ‘doing something’ to someone. 

Don’t let such phrases deter you from standing up for yourself and what you need from the world around.

4) “I’m the one who always has to…”

Oh, what a burden it is to be a narcissist! How unfortunate are they, bearing the weight of the world upon their shoulders!

And here, ladies and gentleman, is another common phrase narcissists use…

“I’m the one who always has to get the groceries”.

“I’m the one who always has to wash the dishes”.

“I’m the one who always has to pay for dinner”.

And do they always do it? 

No!

This statement is part of a narcissist’s strategy to make themselves seem like a martyr while painting you as an ungrateful, slovenly beast.

But let’s take a step back.

However, be aware that narcissists often use phrases like this as a form of emotional blackmail. 

They exaggerate their contributions or sacrifices to manipulate you into feeling guilty and indebted to them.

They’re essentially saying, “I do so much for you, and you don’t appreciate it, so get down on your knees and start being nice.”

Remember, healthy relationships are about balance and reciprocity, not about keeping score. 

If someone consistently uses this phrase to manipulate your feelings, it could be a sign of narcissistic tendencies which you should be keenly aware of.

5) “If you really loved me, you would…”

This acrid phrase is a manipulative tactic often used by narcissists to guilt-trip you into doing something that goes against your judgment or values.

It’s their way of saying, “Prove your love for me by doing what I want.”

So, would you turn a blind eye to them never chipping in to chores?

Will you make them dinner every night, now until eternity?

Will you turn a blind eye to their cheating escapes – because you love them?

Hold your horses before you commit – love isn’t at all about compromising your values or doing things that make you uncomfortable. 

Love is about respect, understanding, and mutual growth.

So if you hear this phrase, take it as a big red flag. 

Love should never be used as a bargaining chip or a means of manipulation. 

Always remember; it’s okay to say no, even to someone you love.

6) “You’re just too sensitive.”

This, in my opinion, is one of the most damaging phrases a narcissist can use. 

An extension of number 1 on our list, this is a calculated attack on your emotions, designed to belittle your feelings and make you doubt your reactions.

By labeling you as ‘too sensitive’, they’re dismissing your feelings as invalid or exaggerated. This can make you second-guess your perceptions and even your self-worth.

But here’s what you need to remember:

Your feelings are valid. 

MORE than valid.

Being affected by someone’s actions or words doesn’t make you overly sensitive; it makes you human. 

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, and instead stand firm in your truth and never let someone else’s perception define your reality.

Catching a narcissist in their tracks…

Dealing with narcissistic behavior can be challenging, but recognizing these manipulative phrases is the first step toward reclaiming your power.

Remember, your feelings are valid so don’t let anyone make you question your worth or perceptions.

To defend yourself, start practicing assertiveness. Express your feelings and set boundaries, and prioritize looking after yourself first.

It may be difficult at first, but with time, you’ll find it easier to resist manipulation and stand up for yourself.