7 phrases narcissists use to shirk responsibility for their actions

Have you ever been in a conversation where someone twists everything around, making you doubt yourself? It’s disorienting, isn’t it?

That’s how narcissists operate. They know how to use words to confuse, frustrate, and make you question your own reality.

In this article, we’ll uncover seven phrases narcissists use to avoid responsibility for their actions. Familiarizing yourself with these phrases can help you see through their manipulation  and take back your power.

Let’s get started!

1) “I don’t have to answer to anyone; I do what I want.”

Imagine talking to someone who did something to upset a lot of people. But instead of simply admitting, “I made a mistake,” they say, “I don’t have to answer to anyone; I do what I want.”

This shows that they don’t want to apologize or take responsibility for their actions. 

The thing about narcissists is that they really couldn’t care less about explaining themselves or making things right. 

They live in their own little bubble, always putting their wants and needs above everything else, completely oblivious to how their actions affect others.

So when they boldly say, “I don’t have to answer to anyone; I do what I want,” they’re basically saying, “I’m the boss, and I can do whatever I want, and no one can tell me otherwise.”

This kind of attitude can be incredibly frustrating for the people around them because they’re not willing to see things from anyone else’s perspective. 

Their stubbornness and refusal to admit their mistakes and take responsibility create tension, making it really difficult to have a calm, honest conversation.

It’s like hitting a brick wall; they’re just not willing to budge, and that’s what makes talking to them so challenging and draining.

2) “You made me do this. If you hadn’t acted that way, I wouldn’t have had to respond like this.”

You won’t catch a narcissist admitting, “I messed up, and I’m sorry.” Instead, they prefer to point fingers and make it seem like they had no other option but to react the way they did.

So when they use this phrase, what they’re really saying is, “I’m not at fault; it’s your fault.”

It’s a sly way to justify their actions, making it appear like they’re not accountable.

Ultimately, it’s all about control. Narcissists use this phrase to manipulate the situation, ensuring they’re the ones calling the shots. 

They avoid facing the consequences of their own choices by turning the tables and making the other person feel guilty.

It’s a tactic, a strategy they employ to maintain their sense of superiority and avoid facing their own mistakes. 

It’s not fair, and it’s definitely not honest, but that’s their modus operandi. They’re determined to protect their pride, even if it means making someone else feel terrible in the process.

3) “I never said or did that. You must be remembering it wrong.”

Another tactic used by some people, especially those with narcissistic tendencies, is saying something like, “I never said or did that. You must be remembering it wrong.”

This phrase is a classic example of gaslighting, a way to make someone doubt their own memory and experiences.

What’s really problematic about this response is that it completely disregards the other person’s feelings and experiences. 

It’s the same as saying, “You’re probably making stuff up or going crazy.” It’s not really shocking, though, given the fact that narcissists are all about protecting their own image. 

Because they don’t want to admit they made a mistake, they’d flat-out deny the whole incident, even if it genuinely happened. 

By attempting to rewrite history, they dismiss the other person’s emotions and feelings, leaving them feeling unheard and invalidated.

It’s a hurtful way to handle a situation, leaving the other person feeling confused, upset, and questioning their own reality.

4) “Well, I guess I’m just the worst person ever, according to you.”

When a narcissist uses sarcasm to shift the blame and guilt away from themselves, they’re not really admitting fault. Instead, they’re making you question whether you’re being too harsh or unfair by pointing out their mistake.

In reality, what they’re actually saying is, “Look what you’ve done to me! You’ve made me feel like the worst person in the world!”

If you’re not aware of this tactic, you might end up questioning yourself and wondering if maybe you’re being too critical, when all you’re doing is expressing how their actions have hurt you.

They’re trying to make you back down by making you feel like you’re attacking them, even though you’re just trying to address an issue.

This just goes to show they lack self-reflection. Rather than considering how their behavior might have hurt you, they’re more interested in protecting their own ego.

By playing the victim card, they’re trying to make you feel guilty for daring to hold them accountable. 

But don’t fall for it; you have every right to voice your feelings and expect respect and understanding in return.

5) “I’m sorry you feel that way, but if you hadn’t provoked me, it wouldn’t have happened.”

Narcissists also use conditional apologies to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. For example, they might say, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” but this isn’t a real apology.

They’re basically saying, “I’m not really sorry; it’s your fault for feeling this way.” They’re trying to make it seem like you’re the one who’s overreacting, not them.

A real apology is when someone admits what they did wrong and says they’re sorry, without making excuses.

By adding “but if you hadn’t provoked me,” narcissists are basically saying, “I’m not really sorry; you made me do it.” They’re trying to make it your fault, not theirs.

Even worse, they ignore your feelings and experiences to save their own reputation. 

It’s a sad thing to realize that your emotions don’t really matter to them because, in their minds, they had a reason for acting the way they did. 

But the truth is, everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect, even when things are tough. 

It’s important to remember that you have the right to stand up for yourself and expect to be treated fairly.

6) “Nobody appreciates all the sacrifices I make. I can’t do anything right.”

This phrase suggests a couple of things about narcissists.

Firstly, when a narcissist says, “I can’t do anything right,” they’re actually expecting everyone to notice and praise them for every little thing they do.

They crave special attention, not realizing that everyone puts in effort and makes sacrifices in their own way.

This constant need for approval might indicate that they’re only really focused on themselves and what they want. 

Secondly, by consistently portraying themselves as perpetual victims who can never get things right, they avoid taking responsibility for their actions. 

Instead of admitting mistakes or areas where they need improvement, they act like they’re always misunderstood. 

This tactic makes it difficult for others to hold them accountable because they always present themselves as unappreciated and incapable.

What’s more, this approach can make others feel guilty or sympathetic towards them, creating a cycle where people around them constantly reassure or comfort them.

This cycle just feeds their need for validation, making it really tough to address their behavior or help them see how their actions affect others.

7) “I don’t remember it happening like that; maybe you’re exaggerating.”

When a narcissist says, “I don’t remember it happening like that; maybe you’re exaggerating,” they’re using a defense mechanism.

What they’re doing is trying to make the other person doubt their own memory. 

They’re making it seem like the other person is making things sound worse than they really were, altering the story to fit their version of events. 

By doing this, they avoid facing the consequences of their actions and gain control over how the situation is perceived.

This can be incredibly frustrating and painful for the person on the receiving end. 

It’s hurtful because it dismisses their feelings and experiences, making them feel like their emotions are not valid or important.

Essentially, when a narcissist uses this response, they’re trying to protect their own image. 

They don’t want to feel guilty or ashamed of what they’ve done, so they twist the truth to make themselves look better. 

It’s not fair, and it’s certainly not a healthy way to handle conflicts or misunderstandings.

Final thoughts

Dealing with a narcissist can be really challenging. 

But it all starts with the realization that they’re not genuinely interested in forming a meaningful connection with you. To them, you’re just a means to an end, a way to fulfill their desires.

Narcissists will say whatever they need to say to make you feel good about yourself, but as soon as you stop giving them what they want, they’ll walk away without a second thought. 

But you know what? Life’s too short for dishonest connections.

Yes, it can be heartbreaking and confusing, but understanding these manipulative tactics empowers you. It helps you see through their facade and steer clear of toxic relationships. 

So keep defending those boundaries, trust your instinct, and never settle for less than you deserve.